My Ma

by Lori
(Illinois)

My Ma,

Beverly was born March 21, 1944, she passed November 1, 2009. She died of breast cancer. She had survived it once before, about 5 years ago and then it came back 18 months ago.

She was such a strong woman. She worked up until the Monday before she passed. There were so many people at the service and later at the shiva. Her nurse from chemotherapy was there and many, many people from her work. We also had many old neighbors from where I grew up. It was truly overwhelming. A cousin drove from Cedar Rapids IA. There have also been many donations made in her name.

Our family friends have been wonderful. What I can't handle is the fact that she will not see me get married or have a baby. I've been dating a wonderful man who has been my rock through all of this. I know we will be together forever, and it hurts that she won't be there to see it. I returned home after hearing about her illness, so I've been by her side up until the very end.

My dad is handling it as well as could be expected. When he breaks down it is so hard to see. He was with her for 47 years. I'm working on getting myself back together from other things and this just seems to be another big hurdle to cross on top of everything else. He tells me that I'm strong like ma and grandpa(his dad), but I have a hard time believing it.

Everyone says what I'm feeling is normal but it just sucks.

We also have another family friend who is going through the same thing. We know that we will be doing the same thing for them and it is tearing us apart.

The reason I call her ma is because we would always watch "Little House on the Prairie" together. I called my parents Ma and Pa and that is what they would sign their cards to me. Having this happen so close to the holidays is unbelievably hard.

Comments for My Ma

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Dec 12, 2009
TO LORI IN ILLINOIS LOSING MA
by: ANN

DEAREST LORI,
IT BROKE MY HEART WHEN I READ YOUR LETTER. IT IS HARD TO GIVE SOMEONE UP ANYTIME, BUT CLOSE TO THE HOLIDAYS IS ESPECIALLY PAINFUL. AND WHEN IT'S YOUR MOTHER, IT LEAVES YOU LONELY AND SAD.

I CAN TELL FROM YOUR LETTER YOU WERE A CLOSE FAMILY. YOU HAVE THAT SUPPORT TO LEAN ON.
I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
GOD WILL GIVE YOU THE STRENGTH YOU NEED TO GET THROUGH THIS. IT WILL TAKE TIME TO START TO HEAL.
WE HAVE TO GRIEVE AND CRY, AND GO THROUGH STAGES OF PAIN, BUT THEN SOMEWHERE YOU FIND THE PAIN AND THE CONSTANT MEMORIES TAKE A SPECIAL PLACE IN YOUR HEART.

I LOST MY MOTHER IN JULY 2009. SO I SPEAK TO YOU FROM MY HEART. I KNOW WHAT ALL YOU FEEL. I DREAD THE HOLIDAYS, BUT TIME KEEPS MOVING AND SOON SPRING WILL COME AND WITH IT NEW HOPE.
GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

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