My marriage is over

I've been married for 14 years. We split up 7/8 years ago but have been back together for 6. We have 3 children and it's been a stressful year or more together. I finally broke down and said that something has to give. We had a great talk and really felt happy for a few days anyway. He told me how much he love me and how he felt so optimistic about our future after feeling like it really was going to be over. Within a week he confessed feelings for someone else 12 years younger and married. He then decided counseling was out of the question, he talked about feeling nothing and not knowing who he even is. I don't know if that is all a lie and cover up but I really just don't want to care. It's irrelevant anyhow, he's leaving and the why doesn't change anything. He is moving out in less then 2 weeks and today is the day we see a counselor to learn the best way to tell our kids, they are 6,9 and 13. I'm heartbroken, I can't eat, I can barely drink a glass of water. The strange thing is that I have vented over at least the last year about being so unhappy, knowing he is not the person with the qualities I long for. I'm confused about his complete turnaround and I just can't stop my mind from racing. I feel desperate and anxious to just meet someone else and have that distraction. I don't know what I need. Perhaps just time but I'm so lost right now. Why when I was so unhappy myself do I feel so devastated?

Comments for My marriage is over

Click here to add your own comments

Sep 20, 2014
Going down the same road
by: Anonymous

I read your posting and my heart goes out to you ...I too am going through the same kind of thoughts and pain...And I'm a man...She left for various reasons but her job had a lot to do with it...I found my self going crazy and craving to find someone to talk with...all of my male friends always said the same thing...'Get over her and move on'...well it's not that easy and that's not what I wanted to hear...I needed a female friend to talk with someone who cared when things really came down hard...considering I don't go to bars etc. it really makes it hard to find someone to hang out with so to speak....Am still searching...wish you all luck in the world.

Sep 19, 2014
My marriage is over
by: Doreen UK

When you get married you become one. When that union is broken you will feel all the feelings you are going through now. Please go to that counselling session by yourself. It is possible that you will heal better from this split by seeing this counsellor. I went into counselling by myself so I could resolve my own hurts and losses. My husband didn't believe in counselling so I did it myself. It was the best decision I ever made. I became the person I always wanted to be and felt more whole for the first time in my life. My family benefited husband and 3 Adult children. They healed from how I interacted. Married for 44years I sadly lost my husband 2yrs. ago, from a 3yrs. battle with cancer. I am in a healthier and happier place.
Marriage breakdown is a very painful experience. Counselling will help you. Do this for yourself. You won't regret it. Do not find a man on the rebound to help heal the hurt. It rarely ever works. No use hurting yourself and another man. Wait till you are ready. Meantime FOCUS is the key to moving on. Focusing on the needs of your children will help you to cope with the hurt and pain for your breakup. Best way forward is taking one day at a time. You will need good support. You will have to process money and mortgage/rent, food and how to pay the bills. Your children will also have needs that can still be fulfilled by one parent. When one is thrown into a difficult situation you do end up finding a way out. Access as much services you can that can support you and help with money worries. Put a plan into action and make lists and tick off what you have done and still have to do. priority lists help so well at this time. You will eventually get through this marriage breakdown. Your husband is taking the easy way out. Don't beat yourself up thinking of all your faults. This is not the time to do this. When a man loves someone else it is natural he would find fault with you. It goes with the territory. Stand tall. Hold your head up high, and give this new life your best shot. The best revenge is to make a success of your life and let your husband see that you are a SURVIVOR. Play Gloria Gaynors' record if you have to I WILL SURVIVE. And you will survive. My sister was left by her husband. He was cheating on her and left her with no money. His 4 children with her, and his 4 children by his Ex wife. She brought up 8 children by herself, and now lives to tell the tale. She does have battle scars but she is a SURVIVOR.

Sep 19, 2014
All is not lost
by: Anonymous

You feel so unhappy because of the loss of what you hoped your life/marriage would be. It appears from your writing that what happened to you is called the traditional marriage where you were busy rearing children and he became distracted by a piece. And he says the girl is married. HE has no boundaries/morals to stay out off some one else s marriage and he has no character to be honest with you about his feeling life is passing him by and he needs to feel younger and desirable and more alive. HE is responsible for letting things get boring or the same ole, same ole. It's called reality. After 3 children and you making sure everyone is feed and taken care of HE decides to become a little boy and go off looking for what he wanted instead of holding you in high esteem for ll you do for him and his children.

Yes, the last thing you should be thinking about is another man. Focus first on your self and what it is you truly need and want from the rest of your life and for your children. Children will need to still be in their fathers life as you co-parent and no other man should be allowed to come in and try and take over his role. He would be there for you but he, in no way, would have the right to discipline them.
I hope along the way you and your children will go to church to teach them of standards in which to live by. Set your standards high and don't loose focus.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Relationship.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!