My marriage is over
I've been married for 14 years. We split up 7/8 years ago but have been back together for 6. We have 3 children and it's been a stressful year or more together. I finally broke down and said that something has to give. We had a great talk and really felt happy for a few days anyway. He told me how much he love me and how he felt so optimistic about our future after feeling like it really was going to be over. Within a week he confessed feelings for someone else 12 years younger and married. He then decided counseling was out of the question, he talked about feeling nothing and not knowing who he even is. I don't know if that is all a lie and cover up but I really just don't want to care. It's irrelevant anyhow, he's leaving and the why doesn't change anything. He is moving out in less then 2 weeks and today is the day we see a counselor to learn the best way to tell our kids, they are 6,9 and 13. I'm heartbroken, I can't eat, I can barely drink a glass of water. The strange thing is that I have vented over at least the last year about being so unhappy, knowing he is not the person with the qualities I long for. I'm confused about his complete turnaround and I just can't stop my mind from racing. I feel desperate and anxious to just meet someone else and have that distraction. I don't know what I need. Perhaps just time but I'm so lost right now. Why when I was so unhappy myself do I feel so devastated?