My Matt was my world and I have a hard time functioning w/out him

by Bobbie
(Niagara Falls,NY.S)

My love, my Matt..came into my life at a time when both of were in need of someone to truly love us..We waited years til the time was right, realizing not everyone agreed to our new found love..
As life moved on, we were together for 25 years which our lives circled around each other... I was in awe of this gentle, kind, handsome man..a hunter...a father...a lover..a friend ..a man who put everyone before himself..

All of those years were not without discomfort..certain people punished us for loving each other.....we cared but quietly went on with our lives...

At the end of my sweethearts career..time for him to relax into an early retirement..he was dx'd with pancreatic cancer..He fought it for two years with the cancer Institute doing everything they could..and I was by his side...

Quietly, I had admitted to myself that he would not survive as I knew the prognosis and that my dear brother had left w/ the same cancer...

Matt kept fighting...all the while keeping his pain to himself..except for me..

He left December 10th...and my heart went with him...

Our first anniversary is coming up...and I do not know what to put in the words can describe what has happened to my heart..and my life...

So I will write it here..... now know why they call if heartache..I will never be the same and at a loss no one understands...and it makes me angry that they think it should be over in such and such a time.......It will never be over..

When you see me...Just know I have an emptiness inside that can not be filled until the day I see him again..

With all my love........Bobbie... I love you Matt

Comments for My Matt was my world and I have a hard time functioning w/out him

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Nov 30, 2013
My Matt was my world and I have a hard time functioning w/out him
by: Doreen UK

Bobbie I am sorry for your loss of Matt from your life. Cancer rips through the body and families crushing them. I lost my beloved husband of 44yrs. to a deadly terminal cancer 18 months ago and watched him die slowly over 3yrs. whilst I cared for him. He was due to retire and he died before he could enjoy this time of his life he earned from working hard for 47yrs. of his working life. My husband was my life. I am functioning better these days because I nurtured myself for the first 6 months when the loss was so severe I thought I would never recover. I also TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME, and still do. It will take us years to get over our loss and learn to live without them. But the journey is still so very painful. Especially when family celebrations come and he is not here. None of us can ever imagine what it feels like to be without our loved one till we go through it. Grief is not something one recovers from quickly. It is a very slow process of healing, and takes longer to heal from than we want to. So don't let anyone tell you differently. This is a personal journey and only you can decide how long grief will take.

Nov 27, 2013
the hardest thing you will ever do
by: Anonymous

my trip down this tortuous road began early this year after three decades together. Your story reads like mine only it was not cancer that took him. No one ever talks about what this is truly like and many offer inane advice, cold, cruel and insensitive but I guess unless you are grieving this particular kind of "loss" people just don't get it. I have had people close to me die in the past but until my beautiful husband passed, much in the way Lawrence's wife did, no one died on me before. Believe me, I don't wish to be in this club and never dreamed I would be here already. There are no words to describe the loss and the pain much less the fear. my love and I were inseparable, living for each other as it should be. I know, like many of us, you are now in the twilight zone.

Nov 26, 2013
Your grief
by: Lawrence

Matt sounds as if he was indeed all the man you say he was. A sweetheart a lover and a friend, you had twenty five years of sublime happiness in your marriage and those who opposed it must have been so incredibly jealous of you both.
So thank God for lending him to you and cherish the years you had together, very few people are lucky enough to experience such passion in their lives.
He died just two weeks before my own beloved wife passed away, but whereas your Matt suffered a long drawn out illness which must have been heartbreaking to watch, my wife died in the blink of an eye virtually as we were talking, so believe me I know the overwhelming agony and feeling of emptiness at losing a beloved and cherished partner.
We had a wonderful exquisite seventy years together from being very young teenagers to aged pensioners for which I daily give thanks for.
But, like me, nearly a year has passes and the acute pain has lessened but the tears still flow but something, a song or a couple kissing can start them off, we still miss them like hell, and know our lives will never be the same again, the grief will never completely go but I for one wouldn’t want it to.
One stupid woman said to me recently ”you can always marry again” my eyes filled with tears as I explained that she was the first girl I ever kissed and the last on her deathbed and that I had no intensions of kissing anybody else.
After my wife died and I went onto this bereavement web site someone said “keep yourself busy” and I have tried to do that, joining social clubs and trying to learn bridge, I am even taking violin lessons and the last one I had was in 1943 when the bombs were still dropping in the second world war, I stopped playing when I saw this beautiful fourteen year old girl in our youth club and knew I would rather hold her than a violin any day, so my violin went into its case for the next seventy years. I started playing again after she died and it’s amazing all the old skills soon return.
I don’t intend putting any notice in the newspaper, those who loved her will always do so and won’t need reminding.
My sweetheart died on Christmas Day as the turkey was cooking and all the family were gathered together getting ready to have dinner and then she quietly passed from this world to the next leaving us all so badly traumatized, so rather than sit here and remember the nightmare of that day I am taking the whole family to Disney/Florida, it’s what she would have wanted and I’m sure she put the idea into my head.
We have done it many times in the past and always walked hand in hand around Epcot and all the other Disney attraction but this time I will be walking alone although my granddaughter has promised me that she would hold my hand like Nana used to.
I join you in your grief.
Take care

Nov 25, 2013
lost of a loved one
by: albin prescott az

I understand your sorrow it is difficult the hurt and being alone grieve is different for everybody just like a snow flak in your own time don't let any body tell you it should be over get over it, you never really do, the sadness never leaves the scare the hole in your heart it just gets smaller I still miss my mom and she left me 73 yrs ago
find peace in your own time

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