by Ruth Mattucc
Hello, glad to have found this site. On June the 4th, 2011 it will be one year since my son Michael passed away. He was 26 years old and my only child. He went to sleep and never woke up. I know some of you think I am lucky that my son did not suffer in death. To a degree that is true on the other hand it is no consolation in light that he is really gone and I will NEVER, hug or kiss him again. He will never say "Good nite Mom, I love you." My heart is eternally broken.
He suffered Bi Polar Disorder and chose to use illicit drugs to self medicate. From the first time his disorder showed itself full force at 14 years old and the next 12 years, it was quite the ride. I did all the right things, counseling, 12 Step Programs, tough love and none of it saved him. The coroners report said he died of "sudden cardiac dysrythmia of unknown etiology" not a heart attack. His heart just stopped firing.
His was a slow death as far as I was concerned, I watched my wonderful, funny and gifted boy turn into a shell of what he was and wanted to be.
I dont have to tell you that a part of me died with him or that I am forever changed. I do however have a strong belief that he is in a much better place than he ever has been before in his new life. I just miss being able to talk to him and hear his stories and his take on whats happening. I have come to a place where I believe that he is always with me forever in my heart. I hate thinking that I will live the rest of my life without him, so I only live it one day at a time. I am so sorry for your loss of your child. May God bring you Peace.