my mom clara

by carol h
(houston tx)

My precious mother passed recently. I am still full of shock. she had cancer and pneumonia and seemed to be doing better. then she was in a car accident that took her instantly. i didn't even get the chance to say goodbye. 5 days before my birthday and a little over 2 weeks before Christmas. December 6 will live on in infamy for me. December will never be the same. she had just turned 71 only a month before. my mom was my best friend. my confidant. my everything. we had such a special bond. i could pick up the phone and call her and though she lived a thousand miles away its as if we never hung up the phone. and she had a certain way of answering when she knew it was me. and i would answer in kind. we had so much in common. we both had a love of books. she taught me to read at the age of 5. i remember she sat me on the porch and taught me "Sam i am" and every time i made a mistake she would pop my leg and make me start over. i resented it at the time, but i came to enjoy reading immensely and we shared the same tastes. i was always her little funny face. and every time the song of the same name come on by Donna Fargo she would sing it to me. I can't and don't want to accept that she's gone. I feel like I'm living in a reality where she's supposed to be alive..but she's not..everything feels pointless. Because I don't want to live in this reality without her. the emotional pain that I am experiencing is worse than any physical pain that I could ever go through. my best friend of 45 years is gone from me forever. There are no words to express the agonizing pain and sorrow my heart feels. I can't breathe. I can't sleep. I don't know how to face each second, minute, hour... forever without my mother. My love for her cannot be measured. my brother called me and told me there was a bad accident. my step father was in the hospital, but my mom was missing. i didn't understand it. then he talked to the Dr and he had me on speaker phone and the Dr. said there was a fatality. i knew my mom was gone. i was hysterical.At the words my world started to crumble. I kept screaming, I couldn't stop. i collapsed. if it weren't for my son there to catch me i would have hit the floor. how do i live without my mom? i just cant seem to process anything. they tell me the specifics and i just cant comprehend. she came to me in a dream last night. she was dressed all in white. and there was a bright light around her. she looked young and healthy, like she did before she had cancer. she didn't speak, but she put her arms around me and was stroking my hair and face. i woke up tears streaming down my face and calling for her. i called her mom. but since she's died Ive reverted to calling her mommy. RIP mommy i will see you in heaven.

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Dec 10, 2012
my mom clara
by: Doreen U.K.

Carol I am sorry for your loss of your mom Clara. I lost my husband of 44yrs. to cancer 7 months ago. He suffered for over 3yrs. a slow death. I couldn't accept this and expected a miracle since a lot of prayer was going up all over America and the world for him. Because of my HOPE I too didn't say goodbye. My husband Steve did live with HOPE so he didn't say Goodbye to anyone. On the day of his death Steve must have known. He was out of it as if asleep but he had his arm around my neck and he pulled me down to him. I said. "Steve what are you doing." Only after did I realize He was saying GOODBYE. My heart is broken forever. I didn't respond. I LOVED Steve with every fibre of my being. I will never recover from his death.
I know how you feel about losing your Mom. This was a sudden death even though you knew she had to live with cancer and pneumonia. Steve had pneumonia also. He had so much suffering it is unbelievalbe what he didn't go through. He was fed up of this suffering and wanted to die quickly. The 3yr. journey of cancer was rough and painfull. Some people are not sure if they would like their loved one to die quickly or slowly (so they have more time with them). I wouldn't wish the Pain and slow suffering Steve had on anyone. BUT. In his Wisdom God is in control and even has his hand on the thermostat. WE will never understand why some people suffer more than others. Death only occurs because we live in a fallen SINFUL world. But God promised. In the world he is preparing for us there will be No more DEATH, PAIN, TEARS, SORROW, because the former things have passed away. All things will be made new. I had to tell Steve to Hold onto this PROMISE. This is my only COMFORT. May you be Comforted in Your Grief and Sorrow.

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