My Mom died and I hate myself
My mom died on May 16, 2012. She had a lot of health issues including heart valve disease which she was unable to have replaced. She also had Dementia. She was in the hospital last September/October for a long period of time.
After this her Doctor told us that after 3 months her heart would continue to fail rapidly. Due to the Dementia my mom did not understand the seriousness of her health problems or did she remember anything that was said. My mom only wanted me with a little help from my brothers to take care of her. I did the best I could in caring for her. During the last year she was unable to bath herself, she had problems going to the bathroom by herself, she could not prepare meals for herself or do any housework. I did all the necessary things for her. However, during the last several months before she died I was truly very tired and she would not let me get any sleep at night because she would walk up and down the house, sometimes falling down, calling for me all the time. I was very fraustrated and confused about things and I found my self screaming at her a lot. She kept saying to us that she would not be around much longer than she was going to die, but I brushed this off saying to her that that was not happening, that is what Satan wanted her to say, but I knew in my heart it could happen anytime, I just didn't want to let her know.My mom was a sweet Christian, God fearing person who read her Bible and prayed every morning and night to God above. However, during the last part of her life she seemed to not be able to read her bible or pray. She did not remember these things but she still remembered God. She always talked about wanting to go back to Church which she was unable to do since she could not walk that good and she would always get shortness of breath. She believed in her mind that she was ready when God called her home. I am worried that since her memory was really very bad, she could not remember what was said the moment after it had been said, that she may have committed some sin (maybe a lie) that she did not seek forgiviness for. I should have paid more attention to her and helped her with this. However, I just seemed to ignore this until it was too late.
I love my mom very much and I will never, every tell her good-bye. I want to meet her again in heaven but what if she did not make it there because of my neglect. I don't want to go to heaven if she is not there.