My Mom Died From Alcohol..

by Breanne Gugino
(NY)

Me and My Mom

Me and My Mom

My mom was an alcoholic long before I was born. I grew up thinking that it was normal for parents to drink vodka cocktails all night one after the other. My mom and dad divorced because of her abuse. At night my mom and stepdad would fight and yell and slam things because they were drunk. I grew up knowing that I would fight with them but they would never remember it in the morning. I would stay awake at night listening to them fight.

When I was a teenager I realized they had a problem, especially when things got violent. One night my stepfather broke down my locked door and hit me because I swore at him. This man had raised me and loved me like his own. I stopped living with them and tried to get them to admit they had a problem but they would not listen. It didn't matter that I left, they would not admit they were alcoholics and they would not quit.

They simply hid it when I came over, because of course I started talking to them anyways. I loved them despite their problem. Well they were always fully functioning until last year when my mom lost her job. My stepfather hadn't been working due to an injury he was in physical therapy for. When my mom lost her job everything went downhill. They didn't sleep well, they fought constantly and my mom became depressed and drank even more.

I tried to be there for her, but I had moved 2 hours away for school. Last Easter I went home to see them and I was shocked at how sick they looked. They shook, they couldn't think straight, my mom could not even walk without almost falling. I immediately called my Aunt and asked her if I was crazy or if they had really been that bad. She agreed and we tried to talk to them and tell them we were scared for their lives.

They shrugged it off, as always, and told me I was worrying too much. For the next month my mother didn't call me like she used to. I don't know if she was mad or scared but she kind of cut me off. I was busy and didn't pay enough attention to it. I got a call then one night that my mother had gone to the hospital after her hairdresser noticed terrible jaundice.

After a month of trying to bring her kidneys and liver back from almost complete failure she was sent home. I spent that month at her side every day off I had, though going through detox she was a very mean person. I thought her life was going to get better, she finally had to admit she had a problem.

Then she fell down in her driveway and went into a coma from the head trauma. On July 13th we had to take her off life support, as she had requested, and I sat there for holding her hand until she died. I watched her go, my mother that I had tried to save. My mother was taken from me because she was an alcoholic.

It is now 6 months later but it hurts as much as the day I watched her die. No one around me has lost a parent and no one has dealt with alcoholism so I feel very alone. I don't know what to do with my grief and pain, I cannot share my feelings with my stepdad because I do not want to hurt him more by talking about their addiction. He has stopped drinking and we are closer then ever at least. But no one understands and no one is there for me.

My mom, the one person I could go to when I was upset or stressed and just wanted to talk is gone now, and I am left trying to figure out how to make it through life without her. I have not married or had children and now she will never share that with me.

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Dec 18, 2014
my mother
by: Anonymous

My mother died 12/12/14, as of 12/18 I have not been given a cause of death. I loved my mom with all my heart but alcohol turned her into a monster. She had spent the last 20 plus years drinking on a daily basis. It was rare to talk to her sober at all. She would wake up at 5am, drink some coffee, then start on the natural ice and drink all day long. I would get calls from her screaming and yelling at me, she stole from me to get her beer a lot of times.. I begged her so many times to stop drinking over and over but it didn't help. In the end I didn't have much to do with her, I had planned to go see her on Christmas until she passed away. My mother was the type of person that would give a stranger the shirt off of her back, she was selfless but the alcohol turned her into the exact opposite.. I will always have a void in my life now that she is gone.

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ed note: This blog has been transitioned to a great new Forum with private messaging. Please check it out by hitting the "The Grief Club" button on the left. You can even resubmit your post there for fresh advice. Thanks so much!
Jennie

Sep 25, 2014
No Guilt
by: Cathina

Dear Charlie,
Im so sorry to hear about your mother. My mother passed away on June 23rd and its still heart breaking for me to think or speak about it. I wanted to reach out and tell you that you shouldn't feel guilty about not being there in her last moments. Its impossible to know and predict when these things are going to happen. I believe that things happen for a reason. Try and think that you weren't meant to see her pass and that maybe it was for the best that you weren't there.
When my mother passed, I was on vacation and she died alone in her room. At first I felt so much guilt about not physically being there but i remember a friend telling me, "don't feel guilty, there was no possible way for you to know she would pass when she did." "imagine if we all knew when our loved ones are passing, death would be much different than what we know it as. What makes my story so strange is that my brother (who never travels) was away too. So, neither us were there when she passed. My mother had given up on life and didn't want to be here anymore. Its important to understand that this doesn't mean that they never loved us or that they didn't care. It simply means that they were overhwhelmed with their alcohol addictions and sadness that they simply didn't have that strive to continue the fight. I know my mother and yours…. loved you and me and they wouldn't have wanted us to see them go as they did. Try and imagine that she went peacefully and that you seeing her pass, wouldn't have changed the end result. On the contrary, maybe it would have been harder for her to let go… I believe that people such as our mothers know or have a sense of their pass. Im saying this because the last time i spoke to my mom she told me she loved me and shortly before that, told me not to be sad if she passed. So, try to understand that things happen for a reason and that sometimes they happen just the way their suppose to happen. Remember your mother beautiful, young and healthy and not dying in a bed. I don't know if my words bring you any comfort but stay strong. Know that she will forever live in your heart and that she's in a better place. Also, know that you are not alone and that you can always reach out for words of comfort.

Sep 25, 2014
Lost my mom
by: Charlie

My mom past away July 28 2014. She was 52. I'm 28 and feel a lot of guilt that I didn't do more to stop her drinking. I live about 4 hours away from her and I didn't know the signs (bloated gut, swollen legs). My younger brother (25yo) and I drove in to see her for the Fourth of July and these signs were there. She said she was fine and had quit drinking. She said she had pulled a muscle and that's why she was so slow moving around the house.

Her dad passed away last year then her dog died early this year. I did my best to be there for her when her dad passed but I didn't drive in when her dog died. I had just seen her Christmas and she told me to wait till the 4th of July.

So we get there on the 4th and she looked horrible. My brother and I begged her to go to the doctor and she said she would when we left cause she wanted to spend time with us at home not at the hospital. So we leave on Sunday and a few days later she goes to the hospital in Louisiana a charity hospital because she didn't have insurance. We find out from her boyfriend that they put her in icu so we drive back to Louisiana. They both were saying she had pneumonia and she asked us not to go to the hospital to visit cause they were gonna let her out the next day. So we didn't go to the hospital. She died the day after we left on Monday. I talked to her that day for 3 minutes, 8 hrs before she called an ambulance and died in the hospital alone. I'm so heartbroken I feel so guilty and can't stop crying when I think about her. All of these story's on here have helped me. Thank you all for sharing.

Charlie

Sep 05, 2014
My story
by: Anonymous

I know exactly how you feel. I lost my mum 9 years ago when i was 14. My dad had moved out because he couldnt take it anymore. My mum tried twice to come of the drink which resulted with fits. This terrified me because i was on my own with her. I used to sit up all night to make sure she was breathing, it scared me thinking i would wake up in the morning and find her. Eventually she complained of pains and went to hospital within days she could not speak and eventually had to have a tube put down her throat 2 weeks later she was gone.

Aug 21, 2014
My Mom
by: Anonymous

Hello Breanne,
I understand how you feel about your mother, my parents are both alcoholics and have been since I can remember. I can recall waking up in the middle of the night around the age of 5 to my parent ripping out each others hair. They fought all the time, split up and got back together, my mother even moved me to another state when I was 4 and I did not see my father for year. My mother just got her 3rd DUI in 10 years which is a class 6 felony, and was sent to jail with stage 4 liver failure. This terrifies me, everything I have read says that detox can be just as deadly as continuing to drink with chirossis. My mom has only been in jail for a week and a half, and is paper white, vomiting blood, bleeding from her nose and fingers ect. I am so scared that she is going to die in jail, I too love my mother even though years of alcohol abuse rendered her not very maternal to me. I have tried to prepare myself for the outcome that I know will come, but I don't know how. I want to be angry with her for not loving me or herself enough to quit, I just can't because I love her that much. I am so sorry for your loss but I feel better knowing that I'm not the only one that feels this way.

Aug 21, 2014
My Mom
by: Anonymous

Hello Breanne,
I understand how you feel about your mother, my parents are both alcoholics and have been since I can remember. I can recall waking up in the middle of the night around the age of 5 to my parent ripping out each others hair. They fought all the time, split up and got back together, my mother even moved me to another state when I was 4 and I did not see my father for year. My mother just got her 3rd DUI in 10 years which is a class 6 felony, and was sent to jail with stage 4 liver failure. This terrifies me, everything I have read says that detox can be just as deadly as continuing to drink with chirossis. My mom has only been in jail for a week and a half, and is paper white, vomiting blood, bleeding from her nose and fingers ect. I am so scared that she is going to die in jail, I too love my mother even though years of alcohol abuse rendered her not very maternal to me. I have tried to prepare myself for the outcome that I know will come, but I don't know how. I want to be angry with her for not loving me or herself enough to quit, I just can't because I love her that much. I am so sorry for your loss but I feel better knowing that I'm not the only one that feels this way.

Jul 24, 2014
my mom died of cirrhosis
by: emilea

my mom passed away after I got a phone call from a social worker at a hospital on July 27th, 2014. essentially they wanted my permission to take her off of the life support she had been on that day. I live in the apartment building beside hers, which I moved in to to try and help her carry groceries and bring her meals and to overall improve our relationship. the week before she had called me a dozen times in the evening because she had fallen and couldn't get up. I was finally roused from my sleep at 1am and went over to her building, but even when I got her up from the floor I could tell there was something much worse going on. she immediately demanded that I light her a cigarette and pour her a drink and get her pills, which I did of course but with tight lips and a heavy heart. and then she fell once again, hissing and hurling insults at me while losing complete control of her bowels. her rudeness and negativity towards me was tied to the alcoholism I had been dealing with since I was 11. I called an ambulance around 2am and cried until 3:30, having the great sinking feeling that that was the last time I would see my mom.

she was in an intensive care unit and the social worker took me and Max, my fiance, without ANY WARNING in to the room they had hooked her up to all these life support machines. she was yellow, had ascites (when your stomach expands a grotesque amount because of a buildup of fluid), all the symptoms of end-stage liver disease I had seen half a dozen times over before during her trips in to hospital care. I started to cry and the nurse quickly rushed over to me and told me she was having a massive bleed out and they couldn't find where it was coming from. there was a device down her esophagus, like a balloon, to press against her throat to stop her bleeding. she had gone in to a coma earlier on in the day. there was a 0 percent chance of her survival. I know this disease very well and I know how much pain she must have been in. I know that your kidneys shut down (my mom only had half a kidney when she passed away from previous internal disease), you bleed from every orifice including your fingernails... its an ugly truth to something people use on a weekly or daily basis, and if you don't watch your intake you can become a victim of this terrible disease too. she died at 3:43 PM that day, an hour after I left the hospital, agreeing to take her off of the machinery that was keeping her alive.

my mom told a lot of lies about me, accusing me of being an alcoholic and once even telling her friends how awful I was and how I was in a prostitution ring - I have yet to come to terms with a lot of the traumatizing fights that her lies about me brought on, none of which have any basis to being true (I went on to post-secondary, have a career and a fiance...), not to mention some of the physical force she had used when I was around 19 and 21 years old. there are a few incidents that I will never forgive her for. when she was first hospitalized with cirrhosis, I visited her after school, my stepdad having told me how low her hemoglobin count was and that he wasn't sure if she was going to be able to pull through, and she told me that I was the reason that she was in the hospital. she was nasty when she drank, would laugh in my face when I came to her with a problem, call me names like "whore" and say things to put me off feeling good about myself, but when she was sober she was just exhausted. she would sleep strange hours - all a part of this disease she denied ever having - from 6 am to 6 pm. during her last years she wouldn't eat, and I never saw my mother drink a glass of water. on top of not eating she was constantly confused and having a conversation with her was incredibly frustrating. my only friends who ever met her were people that I trusted entirely because I was so embarrassed of her. you actually lose your parent many years before they die. there are a lot of complicated feelings tied in to end-stage liver disease, especially when she ALWAYS denied her alcoholism, but in any case she was still my mom and she is now at peace.

she was a wonderful, bright and hilarious woman from what I can remember in the past. when my grandmother died when I was 7 she began drinking very heavily every day to the point where she wouldn't be able to pick me up from school. I will always love and respect her as my mother, but not the one I needed as a growing child and teenager. she was an extremely business-savvy woman, financially intelligent, holistic, kind-hearted, wise and strong. my mother allowed her depression to get the better of her and to poison her mind and body with the drink was the only coping mechanism she could muster. it is with a heavy sense of relief that I know she is at peace and with my grandmother.

I am told to try my hardest to remember the positive memories of my mom but it is hard when there are so few of them, most of which are on VHS tapes and in the minds of my relatives and my godmother. I am now 23 years old and I found out 3 days after she passed away that I am pregnant with her grandchild, something that was very planned and was a great blessing in light of the darkness. I have been thinking of putting something together to start a support group for people who have lost their parent or parents to liver disease, whether they have passed away yet or not because it is an incredible emotional struggle that I will deal with for the entirety of my life. if you have any ideas or similar stories you would like to share, please e-mail hairbyemilea@gmail.com :) XO

Jul 19, 2014
My little angel
by: Anonymous

I lost my mother 9 years ago from alcohol and it's taken a long time to not cry whenever I think of her or break down at every holiday. Every year that goes by I remember more I the happy times with her and less of the sadness. My mothers birthday has always been a difficult day for me. It is in February and as that time approaches I get really sad... This year was the worst because I was pregnant and wanted her to be here to meet her grandson... I was due in march but my little guy came six weeks early ... On my mothers birthday.... He was born healthy as can be and I know he's my little angel.. He has a little piece of my mother in him... I finally feel healed.

Jul 19, 2014
Our moms
by: Jenny

It has been a year in April that my mom died from alcoholism. It was the absolute worst thing I have ever experienced. I slept with my bible for comfort for several weeks, I just didn't know what to do. I started reaching out to others for help and comfort, something adult children of alcoholics find hard to do. I found this site, and was able to tell my story. I also joined an online al anon group and found great relief there. Bless all of you who have lost a dear mother to this horrible disease. We will see them again in their whole, beautiful, peaceful minds and bodies someday again. I feel my mom watching over me often and it gives me hope.

Jul 18, 2014
You're not alone
by: Cathina

It saddens me to realize how many of us are dealing with alcoholism. anonomys Y, you and I both lost our mothers on the same day. So I completely understand how you feel. Our loss is so recent and fresh. And I know that it may seem impossible to continue but believe me when I say that.... We can and... We will. Unfortunately we can never control the actions of others or force them to think in a certain matter. I remember always wanting and trying to convince my mother to stop drinking but she never wanted to and this is exactly what will happen with your father. All you can do is be there for him and hope that he makes the right decision. I will tell you this....It's okay to back off for a while or say no to protect yourself. Remember that they decide how to live their lives and determine their future. You have to take care of you!!!!!!!!! I don't know if you have ever gone to Al-Anon meetings but I always recommend them because you gather around people who have gone through what you're going through and they'll offer you support in ways in which your friends and family may not. Just know that you're not alone and there are so many of us whom have suffered the consequences of alcoholism. Stay strong and have faith that our mothers are no longer suffering and that they're in a better place.

Jul 17, 2014
me too
by: Anonymous Y

My mum passed away on June 23rd 2014 from internal bleeding that was caused by liver failure from drinking. My dad drinks too and I really hope he will stop now he has seen the ultimate consequence. It's not just my grief that's taking over each day but that of my dads and my younger brothes, im 26 and he is a couple years younger. It's hard yo explain to anyone who hasn't had an alcoholic parent as the problems it causes in your relationship with them before they pass is also complex. I loved my mum but could not accept what she was doing to herself, how horrible she could be when drunk and her inability yo control it. We all told and tried to help at one point but she was a grown woman and would do what she wanted. Alcohol, despite being legal can be the cause of so much pain. Reading the stories of others makes my heart go out to them but also tells me I am not alone in my feelings. I hope time will do it's best to help us all heal and remember the good times. X

Jul 14, 2014
My mother died too
by: Cathina

I know how you feel. I lost my mother on June 23rd, 2014 when she over drank one day and never woke up. I was currently out of the country when she passed away and it hurts me to realize that she had such a bad ending. I struggled for years to get her to stop drinking and it seems unreal that she is no longer here. I miss her soooo much and I'd do anything to see her again. Sometimes i wonder what i could have done differently or if i didnt try everything i could have. Its difficult for me to know shes gone. I feel like a part of me died as well

Jul 10, 2014
Almost sisters...
by: Anonymous

My mom gave birth to my brother & me on the age of 16 & 17.
She also drank all her life. She died on may 9th 2014, & i have to tell you that i dont feel like i could go to someone either to talk about it as they Wouldnt understand. But there is still this though fight you gotta go through. Time Goes on, but you can use as much time as you need... If you look into your heart, you will find the Hero you need for your path.

Goodluck

Apr 14, 2014
Alcoholic mum
by: Anonymous

So sorry to hear about your loss I'm 14 and my mum died of alcoholism 9 months ago when I was 13 and a half I didn't live with my mum because of her alcoholism and the last time I saw her was when I was 9 but we talked on the phone all the time I live with my sister who is 18 and my dad who is 50 it was hard for all of us but we're really close and we talk about it a lot a day never goes by where I don't think about her and the pain of her dieing feels the same today as it will for the rest of my life and I will always love my mother who was taken to early at the age of 56 please if you are reading this and you are an alcoholic mother please try to quit because your children are more important than the alcohol and no child deserves for their mother to die like mine did

Feb 12, 2014
To Leslie
by: Anonymous

You are right when you stated she didn't mean to die. No one wants to die the way our moms did. Alcoholism and mental health are so intertwined, the person just can't understand how they are hurting others. I am sure your mom would have wanted to be at your side to help you through your time of need. However, when you can't help yourself, you can't help anyone else. I hope you know your not alone. I see my mothers face everyday as she struggled to take get last breath. These visions kill me slowly inside, but I have to give them up to God and beg him to take them away. I am so sorry for your loss. Your mom is no longer hurting...we have to hope our moms are waiting for us with healthy beautiful minds and bodies.

Feb 12, 2014
i feel your pain
by: Leslie

My Mom became an Angel Dec. 22 2013. Ironically on her Mom's Birthday. She lived a distance but was to visit for Christmas and move down here in spring. Now she's gone forever?? I knew the drinking was very bad. I was determined to have her live with me once and for all to save her as best I could. She didn't answer her phone. When I had someone close check on her they called me back and said words I've only heard in the movies. "I'm sorry to be the one to have to tell you this" I feel like I'm stuck in a bad movie and it just can't be real. The worst part, she died from an ulcer. She didn't have to go. It could have been fixed. She knew I was going through a super rough time in life, needed and wanted her around in my daily life more than ever. I can't understand why she wouldn't stop for me, so we could be together. I know she never recovered from my Dad divorcing her and remarrying, then her Mom passed 5 years ago and the drinking worsened. I just want her back so badly. I feel totally insane trying to wrap my head around not seeing her or hearing her ever again. I should have saved her but she should have stayed for me. I'm not mad though. I know how sad she was and didn't mean to go. But why not fight to stay you know?

Oct 29, 2013
A mothers will to quit
by: Anonymous

As I read all of your stories all I could do is cry. I am the alcoholic mother. I have 3 great children and never want them to experience this pain and anger that you all go through everyday. A few days ago I decided it was my time to quit. I need to do this for myself and my children. Reading your stories helps remind me why Im doing this. Please wish me luck and thank you for sharing your stories. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Sep 17, 2013
ongoing pain
by: Anonymous

I feel so sad for the losses we have endured due to alcoholism. I try to pray and ask God to take away the horrible visions of when my mom took her last breath. Thankfully, He must take Mercy on me because soon they fade, only to come again at a later time. I had posted earlier that my mom died in April of this year. I recently was at her home, painfully going through some of her things, and found a half drank bottle of vodka behind the computer tower. I smelled it and wondered if I could taste her last breath on the bottle. Seems crazy, but I would almost do anything to touch or smell her again. I dumped it out and threw it away. When my mom went to rehab the first time, my sisters and I took the CASE of vodka out and shot them with a gun. Sounds extreme, but that's what alcoholism does to families. I will pray for all of you who post here that you get comfort in some way and peace in your lives.

Sep 16, 2013
My beautifull mum just couldnt stop W
by: Anonymous

Well ... it has now been a year ago since my mum died from liver failure .... the last month of her life was a process of her body finally giving up and her body organs shutting down which was horrific ... I will never understand why she drunk the way she did ... she suffered from mental health problems too but couldn't tell when she was aggressive what was from the drink or her mental health problems.. from as young as I can remember she had always loved a drink it .. as a way to relax un wind to be social ... but towards 5 years of her life it was a constant day in day out thing she did although she had 3 beautiful children and 4 grandchildren nothing could de ter her from the routine that she had created .... she mustve known as she was in regular contact with the doctor and these things don't just occur over night ... but as her family we didn't realize all of the vital signs ... huge bloated stomach swollen legs .. from the toxins from the booze where the liver couldn't filter it properly .. the dry skin yellowing skin and eyes ..... I just wish if we as her family would've known we would've been able to help her before it was too late .... everyday is still hard to think that my mum had lost the battle and never really got the right help that she needed... I am so sorry that she could never speak to me her daughter that is the most open listening person going .... and I am so so sorry for everyone that has to lose somebody in their family through booze... alcohol is the devil once your addicted to it ... I LOVE YOU MUM.... h

Aug 10, 2013
My Mom Died 3 July 2013
by: Anonymous

I appreciate all these comments and can't stress enough the importance of attending AlAnon to deal with the trauma, grief, anger and isolated feelings that come with having an alcoholic parent. Please get help for yourself--we're victims of the disease too until we find a way of working on ourselves & our lives--AlAnon is instrumental in that. I've dealt so much better with this than I could have alone.

My mom died just over a month ago at age 54. Even though she was an alcoholic for most of her life (never tried getting sober!), I never thought I would lose her at such an early age until she really went downhill a year ago.

There are so many mixed feelings and they're all okay. I go easily from rage, to love, to sorrow. I resent having to be the adult to my parents and all the opportunities they held me back from, but now I just want to be free from the drag of my past. I want to be healthy and live life to the fullest for myself and my family.

A wonderful book for those who have gone through abuse from alcoholic mothers is called Understanding the Borderline Mother. It's on Amazon and pricey, but has been an amazing and enlightening read. I'll never know for sure if she was borderline because she refused help, but her own pain fueled her alcoholism and I see her in the pages of this book. That has really driven home that it wasn't my fault, and that I did do my best though to her it was never good enough. And it helps me feel more compassion for the trauma she underwent in her own childhood.

I hope we all find the healing to change the patterns of abuse and live loving lives; you are most definitely not alone.

May 05, 2013
Alcoholic mom
by: Anonymous

My heart goes out to all of you!! No one could ever relate to how we feel... And no one could ever really give us advice unless the have kinda been thru what we've been thru..very one has their own special relationship with their mother no matter what they went thru. Sometimes I say to myself "why me?" Why did I have to be the one to experience an alcoholic mom?! Why was I one of the chosen ones?! It hurt so bad to see her do that to herself! But then I try to erase all the negative feelings. So that's what I mean by no one can ever feel what we feel unless they've been thru the same thing as we have. I relate to everyone on here that has been subjected to this. As soon as I start with negative feelings I just try and think about all the good! I loved my mom deeply and she taught me so much. There's not one day that goes by that i don't think about her. Every heart beat! I just have to embrace the love we had. All that we can do now is stay encouraged and just think about the positive. I know it's hard and sometimes it's easier said that done! But they wouldn't want nothing more but for us to be happy.

May 01, 2013
My mom died on 4-19-13
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. My mother drank vodka every night for 30 years, and only in the last 7 years did I notice the terrible effects. She was a wonderful lady and always tried to do the right thing. She took care of her own alcoholic mother who died in 2006, and then she just couldn't cope with life anymore.
She was married to my step dad and he enabled her to drink by buying it for her after she got an OWI with a BAC of .30. She paid all her fines but could not complete the overnight drunk school required. She then had a probation hearing and was sent directly to jail with a .27 BAC. She detoxed in jail after we begged them not to because she was not medically supervised. She fell twice, hard. She detoxed in the hospital after this and then went to a rehab to learn to write and walk again after the fall. She had enough of rehab and wanted to go home, so my step dad took her out AMA. I was upset and told her so, she told me off. I didn't talk to her for over 2 months to give her some space. I then saw her again in the ER after she went unresponsive in her home and the medics were called. She had kidney failure, double pneumonia, and sepsis. She almost died during dialysis and had to be on 100% ventilation. After her toes started to turn black from Levophed, my two sisters and I, along with our stepdad, decided she had suffered enough. We took her off life support on April quartz19th, 2013, it was the worst day of my life. I loved my mom so much and prayed she would get sober. She went through rehab twice and jail the one time. She just could not overcome the disease of alcoholism. It is worse than a cancer. The only was I am getting through this is praying and leaning on God. He is my savior.

Apr 05, 2013
I understand
by: Caroline

I'm sorry for what you're going through and I understand. I lost my oldest brother and only sister to alcohol (one to cirrhosis and the other to a head injury from a fall.) I'm estranged from my two surviving brothers who are alcoholics. Our mother was an alcoholic, too. I've walled off my grief in my mind and heart which may not be "healthy," but it's what I feel I have to do right now. I may/may not deal with it at a future time. Nobody who hasn't lost family members to alcoholism knows what this is like.

Feb 14, 2013
Lost my mom too
by: Anonymous

There are so many of us out here that lost our moms to alcohol. Breanne, your story is so similar to mine. I was holding her hand as she took her last breath. It's been 8 years today and the pain is as fresh as it was the year she died. I'm gettin married in three weeks and the pain of her missing this is unbearable. I hope women out there who read this and have a drinking problem get help right away. My mom tried so hard to stop drinking but it was just too late. Don't wait, get help today.

Jan 31, 2013
Lost mom to alcohol
by: Anonymous

Not sure how old these posts are.. But I see someone said that no one around them has lost their mom to alcohol. I know u may feel alone. I am one who lost my mom to it as well. The bible says mourn with those who mourn and praise with those who praise.. So I know sometimes it feels good to be around or talk to ppl who experienced death really hard or death the same way that you've experienced. Sometimes it's therapeutic to get their feelings and it helps us cope. My mom would not give up alcohol although she knew her liver was failing. It hurt really bad especially with me being the only Child. I remember points in my life asking her why is she doing this to herself or to me. Sometimes I would even get mad at her and not speak to her for weeks at a time thinking it would remedy her problem and that she would seek help. But I think it only made it worse. After my mom died i started to feel that she died because I lost faith. My mom has been an alcoholic as long as I can remember.. I can remember her falling and drunk at the age of 6 years old. Now in my earlier years of her alcoholism from a teenager up to my 20's (I am now 37), I kept faith that my mom would stop drinking. I would sometimes even pray to God that she would stop and he wouldn't take her away. I got mad with her but I kept it within. My mom just passed away 3 months ago 2012. It wasnt until these recent years lets say the last two years that I started losing faith in her. And being upset with her while not talking to her at times hoping this would make her stop. So this is why I started feeling like she died, because I lost faith that she would stop drinking. I remember a point years ago in my life where I would have faith that he would stop and I would pray and truthfully it did stop. I can say she tried, but then she would go back to drinking again. But these last two years I saw her go downhill and it got worse. I guess after dealing with it all my life I said she would nvr stop! And that's when she died. I know I shouldn't think this way. But all I can say is if you have a mom who is an alcoholic, fighting, not talking to her, etc. are not the answers! Try and get her help but if she doesn't accept he help love her as much as u can and don't give up on her because I can be as mad as u can be but if u lose her u will wish u were nvr mad at her once in ur life. U would trade anything to have her back and I am telling u this from first hand experience. It's nothing like losing a mom. The worst experience in my entire life and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy!

Nov 30, 2012
Alcohol and Ambien
by: Anonymous

My mom was not really an alcoholic but she had depression and sleeping problems. So she drank 2 glasses of brandy and died in her sleep. A lot if it was due to stopping the poison ambien. I feel for you.

Nov 02, 2012
My moms a alcoholic also...
by: Anonymous

My mum, 42 years of age.... Is too suffering from alcoholism... I dont know what to do... She knows that her liver is failing but still she has a lot.. She's high the whole day... Everyday... Please any way I could make her understand??

Aug 16, 2012
And still it happens....
by: Aaron

It all started when I was 5 I remember the good times I had with my mom she wa the kindist most loving mum I could o wished for but I was moved around from foster home to foster home a couple of months at each and couldn't settle I'n at any. Due to my mum getting taken I'n to hospital regualy because of her mental health so I moved I'n with my auntie up from Watford to manchester I was only 6 and didn't understand but I'n the end it was fine, well for another 6 years. Sadly... My mother past away one day she left her accommodation and walked somewhere no one knows completely but the last seen of her was on a CCTV camera I can remembe waking up and being told that she was found dead.my dad was there but far away because they had split up before the accident. My auntie was there though but she developed drinking problems a couple of months later when her father past aswell as my mom (r.I.p mom will be missed) she was hiding wine I'n cuboards and behind the coach she would go to her room alot I'n the day randomly to have wine and would fall asleep on the sofa alot I took drink I found and discarded of it it continued for years each year getting worse it makes me feel guilty and responsible I don't know what to say or what to do I havnt spoken to her about it because if shut mysel away and tried to hide it but I'n the end it won't go away I always ask myself why why it's only alcohol but I know it must be hard for her I want her to stop for me and her but still she drinks and drinks after all the AA meatings and promises I just want to tell someone I'm scared she will do some things drastic because of the alcohol but no matter what I love her dearly if something was to happen to her like my mum I would probably want to die I wouldn't be able to cope please if u have advice for me it would be greatly appreciated!

Dec 23, 2011
I share your pain
by: Anonymous

Breanne I am so sorry to read your story. My heart goes out to you. Mr brother died just under a month ago from cirrhosis complications. The pain of losing a loved one is sometimes unbearable, but I try to draw strength from remembering the good things from the person's life. My bro was such a funny, sweet guy who's life was destroyed by an incurable illness. He is at peace now - out of pain and torment. With the Angels. Alcoholism is such a terrible thing to have. I pray for all those gripped by an addiction and also for those supporting their loved ones in their battle.

Oct 09, 2011
my mom died 6 months ago ...from alcoholism continued
by: Anonymous

i stopped talking to her for months and my dad bought a breathalyzer he told her every saturday we will go out only if you pass the test ...none of this oh im sick and cant breath into it bc it hurts my chest ...he wanted my sober mom not my drunk mom .... they only went out like maybe 10 times out of the whole 8 months of her living there till one day she called me and asked why she didn't get an invitation to y graduation ...i told her because i want my sober mom not my drunk one ... that day is supposed to be about me not her and i knew that if my drunk mom went it would end up being about her .... i love my mom but i made a boundary for myself and stuck by it ... she cried all the time and told me everyday im sober im sober.... but i tod her not unless you pass a test first ... two three weeks after that my mom was in the hospital and my dad told me she isnt doing well ...me and my brother freaked out and left to go see her and right before we eft out the door my dad looked at us and said she isnt going to look like your mom ... i think we both knew that until ... we walked into her room and she was in a coma and tubes and machines and iv's all over her i immediately started crying .... i knew it was the end and t sucked and hurt bad ... my aunt then told me what had happened she had tried to sober up and had multiple caesuras and her heart stopped they revived her but she never woke they then put her in a sedated coma to control the caesuras ... they took the sedation off slowly but she didn't respond to anything ... my mom was brain dead ...the doctor told us she was never going to wake up ... so we asa family decided to unplug her in hospice care .... he told us it would take a couple of hours to a couple of days for her to pass ..... it took three weeks for her to pass .. because she starved to death .... that was not the way my mom would have wanted to die ... my mom was a great mom to me and my brother when we were little ...but addiction took over and changed her for the worse and i still loved her .... she passed on friday the 13th of may 2011 ... two weeks before my high school graduation ... i blamed myself for her death for awhile but realized i didn't nothing ..... i know my mom loved my dad , brother and me with her whole heart and she would do anything for us if she had the strength to do it but she couldn't do it anymore .... i know how it feels to see someone slowly die and to see someone you love dead .... it is the worst feeling in the world but i promise you it will make you stronger ... just please don't drink

Oct 09, 2011
My mom died 6 months ago too ...from the same thing
by: Anonymous

All i can say is i know how you feel. for pretty much seven years my mom was a ragging alcoholic who couldn't do anything for me or my brother ... keep in mind i was only only 14 or 15 at the time ... i had to do everything myself ... when my dad went out of town i had to make sure he took her meds. and put her to sleep, this included getting her water putting her in her bed putting a movie in the dvd player because she didn't know how and then locking her in the room so she wouldn't try to get to the kitchen because her drinking would get so out of hand she would try to commit suicide... i love my mom but couldn't handle living there anymore i left to live with my grandma for like three months ... then my dad couldn't have her live in the house with him anymore he told her dad to take her ....she had been to rehab twice and wouldn't go again.. she lived there for awhile then soon after her dad couldn't do it ...he said she was always so drunk she was falling all over the place ...it was hard to see ... doctors told her you re going to die if you have another drink but she didn't listen .... over the last five to six years of her alcoholism she had gained an excessive amount of weight, tried to commit suicide twice , gone to rehab twice a month both times, moved to her dads got kicked out back to our house and then ... my dad told her that he would give her one year to sober up, he rented out an apartment and nothing changed it only got worse ...

May 08, 2011
Accept what was, not what wan't
by: Anonymous

CIndy, I feel for you. My mother died a week ago of who knows what. All I know is she was an alcoholic for 35 years and was a shadow of who she once was. The last 5 years of my mums life sound like the end of your mother's. Illness and accidents, and general frailty that was denied by her.

I know how alone you must feel - I felt that in my 20's but now I'm in my 40's that has gone. The difference? I'm honest with people. I tell anyone and everyone she is (when she was alive) an alcoholic and our relationship is strained because she won't admit it. At the funeral, everyone was saying what a shock it was. I told them when you drink for 35 years and seek no help, death is bound to occur prematurely (even though she was 69 - she has great genes).

I've read a lot on detachment from Alanon - and started doing this 2 years before she died. It was quite a revelation to know I was not responsible for her health! Also, the more I focused on my mum and her problems, I was taking energy away from myself and my family - they need as much as they can get! The more I obsessed about my mum, I lost a part of me, so I acknowledged I was worried to myself, but them had goals and positive activities to improve my life.

I have a feeling your aloneness is because you are ashamed of your mums drinking. Rationally, this is ridiculous as it was her choice, but emotionally it feels real. Challenge those emotional thoughts like you would a friend saying such things. Also, this shame can morph into guilt - don't have a pity party ok about how you coulda done this or coulda done that, as its doing no one any good and its giving charge to the very behaviours of your mum that kept her caught in addiction - ie:guilt/shame therefore drink to get away feelings etc. xx all the best

Mar 03, 2011
I share your grief
by: Aunt Nan

Dear Breanne,
I came across your post while I was looking for memorial ideas. My sister died of alcoholism 2 weeks ago after refusing for years to get help. She left 5 kids and 2 grandkids (one born just one week after my sister died)

I share your grief as the memories of your mom's life and death come and go, mixed in with your normal, everyday life. Sadly, there are so many people who have gone through this same pain. I pray that as you learn how to cope with your own pain and sadness, that you will use the lessons of your mother's life in positive, beneficial ways that will honor her love for you and make what she went through count for good in your own life...I'm sure she would want that for you.
Love, prayers and blessings,
Aunt Nan

Feb 02, 2011
So very sorry!!
by: Cindy

Breanne, I am so very sorry. I am sorry that you had to be put through such a terrible childhood and I am so sorry for you because you had to lose your mom! You are such a sweet girl... please don't give up on life. I know it is so hard and the grief is so unbearable at times. I lost my husband two months ago and I am in so much grief. He was the most wonderful man to me and we would have been married 35 years on February 7th. It just breaks my heart as your's is breaking too. I am here for you if you ever need to talk. My email address is kendrick4@sbcglobal.net. My husband left me two beautiful children and I am so blessed that I have part of him. My son is 32 and my daughter is 30. He never got to be a grandpa either, as they have no children. My sweet Rusty would have been 64 on February 19th. He was 10 years older than me and I was 18 when we got married. I am so lost without him... My prayers are with you and like I said, I am here for you.

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