My mom died of suicide

by Luvleymetoo
(San Francisco, CA)

My mom died of suicide a few years ago. Even though it was a few years ago it hurts worse now that I have my own kids. Thank god I didn't didnt find her. But there is so many unanswered questions. Like why? Why couldn't she get help or why couldn't she talk to someone or even say goodbye to me?? I wonder what she was thinking? I hate how she passed her horrible depression onto to me, but I refuse to do to my kids what she did to me.
I wish my kids had a grandma. I wish I could call her for advice. I wish I could have mother daughter squabbles with her. I hate growing up motherless and I wish she never was in that much pain to do what she did.

Comments for My mom died of suicide

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Oct 06, 2012
My mom died of suicide
by: Doreen U.K.

Luvvleymetoo, I am sorry for your loss and the pain you are still in from your mom's suicide some years ago.
Try and see a grief counsellor to help you find Peace from your pain of all the unfinished business over your mom's death.
I suffered depression for over 40yrs. before I was able to do something about this. I was a mom and had young children and my depression caused them a lack of confidence in growing up which affected them in school also. I was in my 30's when I went for counselling and it was the best investment I made into better mental health and wellbeing for my family. I was then able to manage life better and related differently which helped my care to my family.
I was at the point of suicide so know how your mom may have felt. ISOLATED. LONELY. No one to talk to who would understand. Many people are desperate and see no way out to end their misery. Pain gets in the way of them thinking what trail of sadness they leave behind for their loved ones, needing answers. The Pain goes on for the one's left behind. My nephew committed suicide. His medication for depression caused suicidal side effects. He threw himself in front of an express train. He also was not able to process anything but ending his PAIN and MISERY. Suicide is not always the SELFISH act it is portrayed as. IT IS a very DESPERATE ACT. The Guilt is left for those who have to figure out WHY? Could I have done something to make things better? there will always be endless questions. Some with NO Answers. All you can do is to strive to deal with any depression you have and to give your children the life they need to grow up to be Healthy Mentally and HAPPY. This is what every parent wants. But sadly LIFE happens and it is often not KIND to us ALL.

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