My Mom Died On Thanksgiving Monday

Her name was Eleanor. She was not a saint or a perfect person as others seem to want to paint her just because she died. She was just my Mom. We spent more time together in the last year than anytime before. I just feel this sense of reality and unreality. I know she's dead but at times I still can't believe it. I asked myself one time if this was a dream. Her death was rather unexpected even though she was 82. She just seemed to be doing so well. She seemed pretty happy.

She had adjusted to her new living quarters in a seniors place and that took some time but she did it and she had come through a lot of adjustment like my dad dying.

Then "whoosh" my sister calls and says mom is in the hospital because of a mild heart attack. Even in the hospital where she was transported she was completely lucid and eating quite well. When the doctors spelled out to us that her heart was completely shot on both sides she still seemed to be eating and talking normally and she even was physically able to help the nurse with a spongebath.

It just seemed so weird that this person was dying. These were very unexpected things. I just didn't understand how normal she seemed until later when she lapsed into a sleep and then her body began to shut down. She wasn't in pain at all thanks to the drugs. Thank God. I guess I just don't understand how quickly it all happened. How can my mom be dead. How do I go on without this person in my life? She loved me when others judged me. She loved me. I just feel so sad.