My mom is Gone and the Family is falling apart

by Corinne

My mom died on Remembrance Day, Nov 11, 2010 ... fighting her own short battle to cancer. We thought she was showing early signs of dementia, but it turned out to be 3 brain metastics which was later discovered that the cancer started in her lungs and rapidly spread.

Us daughters cared for her at home for 2 1/2 months ... but had to put her in the hospital near the end. She died on the 4th day of being there. I look back now at how fast it went, the different stages she went through as the cancer invaded her body, and how hard it was to see her deteriorate.

I miss her so much and cannot imagine how we are going to get through Christmas. I have been doing a lot of journaling, listening to music, and looking at pictures ... even creating a powerpoint presentation. Of course the tears flow like a stream when I do these things. But it is healthy for me.

My sisters are all in a tither thinking that I am going to lose it. I have told them along with my husband that this is what I need to do. My one sister said that I am detaching from the family. In a way I am ... for they have forced me not to share my feelings because they think I am only creating more pain for myself.

I went out to the cemetary by myself and they questioned why I would go alone? I have tried to explain to them that I am on my own personal grief journey and am trying to heal. I feel like they just don't understand me, which now makes it very uncomfortable to even talk to them. Is it not enough pain dealing with the loss of mom and now I have to justify with my sisters that I am okay and doing what is right for me?

In not even a month, Christmas will be here and I do not want to celebrate it! I miss my mom ... I miss what once was ... I love you mom. "There's a hole in my heart and I carry it where ever I go".