My mom is Gone and the Family is falling apart

by Corinne

My mom died on Remembrance Day, Nov 11, 2010 ... fighting her own short battle to cancer. We thought she was showing early signs of dementia, but it turned out to be 3 brain metastics which was later discovered that the cancer started in her lungs and rapidly spread.

Us daughters cared for her at home for 2 1/2 months ... but had to put her in the hospital near the end. She died on the 4th day of being there. I look back now at how fast it went, the different stages she went through as the cancer invaded her body, and how hard it was to see her deteriorate.

I miss her so much and cannot imagine how we are going to get through Christmas. I have been doing a lot of journaling, listening to music, and looking at pictures ... even creating a powerpoint presentation. Of course the tears flow like a stream when I do these things. But it is healthy for me.

My sisters are all in a tither thinking that I am going to lose it. I have told them along with my husband that this is what I need to do. My one sister said that I am detaching from the family. In a way I am ... for they have forced me not to share my feelings because they think I am only creating more pain for myself.

I went out to the cemetary by myself and they questioned why I would go alone? I have tried to explain to them that I am on my own personal grief journey and am trying to heal. I feel like they just don't understand me, which now makes it very uncomfortable to even talk to them. Is it not enough pain dealing with the loss of mom and now I have to justify with my sisters that I am okay and doing what is right for me?

In not even a month, Christmas will be here and I do not want to celebrate it! I miss my mom ... I miss what once was ... I love you mom. "There's a hole in my heart and I carry it where ever I go".

Comments for My mom is Gone and the Family is falling apart

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Dec 05, 2010
by: Corinne

The strangest thing just occurred to me tonight. My mom was diagnosed with cancer on Aug. 26th. Exactly 11 weeks to the day she passed away. The date was the 11th day and the 11th month. What could this be telling me? Maybe nothing???

Dec 03, 2010
Thank you and an update
by: Corinne

Thanks for responding. It is helpful to know that others understand and that I am on the right path. My sisters have come to accept my grief ... and are now understanding what and why I am doing the things that I am.

I am sorry for everyone's losses ... grief is so painful and it is so hard to lose someone that we love so dearly.

I am going to a service at church this Monday night. It is a service where our community remembers those that will not be here this Christmas. We light candles in memory of our loved ones.

God Bless everyone that uses this blog ....

Nov 30, 2010
I grieve alone.....


Don't let anyone tell you how to grieve; it sounds like you are taking good steps to help yourself through this to me. I started a journal to voice my pain and it helped a great deal. If you feel comfortable talking to your sisters about it then do. You need to do what is comfortable for you. As long as you addressing your grief, your loss, and not avoiding it.

You will go through so many emotions expecially with the holiday around the corner. Just know that you are not alone. You have your family you have this site to read and write to let it all out when you want and how you want.

Nov 29, 2010
Your personal journey
by: Anonymous

Dear Corinne,

I am so sorry for your loss. Holidays are tough and this Christmas especially after just losing your mom. I understand what you say perfectly. It is easier to be objective when you aren't a relative. Your sisters mean well, but each of us needs to grieve in our own way. There is family time and private time.

You keep doing what you are doing. I, too, did the journaling and the tears flowed, but these tears are cleansing. My journey is my own after losing my son to suicide and God is the only one who can understand my private pain. Actually, what you are doing is healthy healing and some day, you might be helping your sisters in their personal journey if they are putting it off. God bless.

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