My mom Lucie Roberts

by Tamieko
(Ohio)

My mom came to Ohio to my house around memorial day to see her oldest grandson graduate high school and wish him farewell as he goes off to college. I have raised this boy for 4 yrs. He is my eldest sisters son. my son will graduate next year. Mom got to see him get engaged and congratulate him but she did not make it to the graduation and neither did i.

She got sick 3 days prior and thought she had the flu, she gradually got worse and was sweating so bad it looked like she took a shower in her clothes, she was rushed to the hospital and i was not far behind, i dropped my nephew and the rest of the family off to see the graduation thinking she probably had pneumonia or something since she kept saying she couldn't breathe and her left lung felt like it was on fire.

I made it to the hospital 5 minutes too late, they told me she did not make it and i fell to my knees and screamed a scream i never heard before. i saw her and shook her and begged her to come back, i cannot relive that moment too much cuz it sends me into a panic attack. Her other 4 children do not have that memory thank god cuz i can't get it out of my head.

She was my best friend, my everything besides my kids. i feel like she gave up on life cuz her marriage sucked and she was tired. My step dads face was the last face she saw and i keep feeling if it would've been mine maybe she would've held on. She left many journals behind which tell a sad story of the loneliness she felt and how she longed for us kids to be near her, but we all moved away ,some of us out of state (like me).

I knew of her pain but never to the extent she wrote of. I carry around so much guilt from this, she refused to listen when we begged her to go to the hospital the day before; she was so stubborn i just wish i would've been more stubborn. She was only 55yrs. old, too young to die. i lost my dad 12 yrs. ago also at the age of 53. i feel so alone without her, i have no clue how to move on or where i will go from here, she is buried around the corner from my house, she was originally from Ohio and wanted to live by me, prime example of be careful what u wish for!

Comments for My mom Lucie Roberts

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Jun 29, 2010
I love her and miss her
by: Sharaya Polino

I think about her all the time some how i felt her right beside me...i felt her at the funeral too. And i imaged her standing by all of us while we cried. i love her sooo much and it sucks to know i wasn't there so see her and my bro-bros graduation.

I can still feel her tight hugs she gave me and her kisses and i remember how she told me i was beautiful through Facebook. And now it's so hard to see her account sitting there! i still will always send her gifts from farmville and petville [': gosh do i miss her so much...XOXOXOXO

forever and always love
R.I.P <333

P.S. i would have said something at her funeral but it was too hard to know she would be right behind me lying. love her so much xoxo

-Sharaya Polino-

Jun 29, 2010
Lost my mom too :(
by: Anonymous

I am sorry for your loss. I lost my mom as well, under very similar circumstances, as it was sudden without warning. I wish I could say it will all be alright, because that is something easier said than done. I understand you're going through a lot of trauma and stress right now, however there is hope. You have siblings and children of your own. They need you to try and hold on.

I cannot help but feel that maybe you should try and let a little of your burdens go, by holding on to your mother via your siblings. They may not have that awful vision in their heads, but they are feeling pain with you in their own way. Were they as close to her as you? Maybe they wish the same things as your mom felt when she was alive. Wanting that closeness with her too. So maybe you can all help one another and share that with one another, without reproach.

These times will be hard, believe you me, I know. And people grieve in different ways. This kind is said to be abnormal grieving (since she passed so sudden and without warning that you knew of). Ask your siblings how they feel, and remember you need them as they need you.

In her memory, do exactly the things she had wanted and wished for in life. Like staying in touch equally with one another. Remember all of the funny things she'd say or do, the words she spoke. Sometimes, our loved ones have a way of speaking from beyond the grave, and being human, we forget how to listen. Like others who go through the same thing or relate heavily are brought in to our lives for that very reason. To remind us we are never alone.

I wish I could have had that connection with my own mother before she had passed. And saddens me to no end that eats at me everyday how I feel she pushed me away so much. And all I wanted was to have that mother daughter relationship all little girls wish and dream of growing up. And I felt robbed many years back. I have regrets sure! Who doesn't? We are never perfect. But I cannot fully let go myself, and have that to deal with on my own it seems everyday.

My heart and prayers go out to you and yours in this traumatic time in your life. Just please never forget those you have now, and embrace them. I am sure your mother would more than want that. She still loves you so much.

Jun 29, 2010
Your Mom
by: Kathy Scott

Tameiko, I don't know what to say either, except how horrible this must have been for you!! I can't even imagine what you went through and are still going through! I wish I could say something that would ease the pain. All I can say is to pray for peace about it and just know that one day (hopefully a long time from now) you will see her again!! I hope you can find peace by knowing she is no longer in pain, or lonely, she is at total peace!!

I never got to meet your Mom, but I know she must have been a great woman to have raised you!! You are a good person, a strong person, and I look up to you!! Take care of yourself, your family needs you and I bet they will all turn to you now!!

Love, Kathy

Jun 21, 2010
Lost for Words
by: Down Under

Tamieko, condolences on the loss of your mother. For the first time on this site, I am lost for words. Nothing I could say here would give you comfort and make it better. All I can think of saying is may the happy memories bring you warmth in the days ahead. Keep reading this site, it helped me through losing my father and I hope it may help you too in some way.

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