My mom Lucie Roberts
My mom came to Ohio to my house around memorial day to see her oldest grandson graduate high school and wish him farewell as he goes off to college. I have raised this boy for 4 yrs. He is my eldest sisters son. my son will graduate next year. Mom got to see him get engaged and congratulate him but she did not make it to the graduation and neither did i.
She got sick 3 days prior and thought she had the flu, she gradually got worse and was sweating so bad it looked like she took a shower in her clothes, she was rushed to the hospital and i was not far behind, i dropped my nephew and the rest of the family off to see the graduation thinking she probably had pneumonia or something since she kept saying she couldn't breathe and her left lung felt like it was on fire.
I made it to the hospital 5 minutes too late, they told me she did not make it and i fell to my knees and screamed a scream i never heard before. i saw her and shook her and begged her to come back, i cannot relive that moment too much cuz it sends me into a panic attack. Her other 4 children do not have that memory thank god cuz i can't get it out of my head.
She was my best friend, my everything besides my kids. i feel like she gave up on life cuz her marriage sucked and she was tired. My step dads face was the last face she saw and i keep feeling if it would've been mine maybe she would've held on. She left many journals behind which tell a sad story of the loneliness she felt and how she longed for us kids to be near her, but we all moved away ,some of us out of state (like me).
I knew of her pain but never to the extent she wrote of. I carry around so much guilt from this, she refused to listen when we begged her to go to the hospital the day before; she was so stubborn i just wish i would've been more stubborn. She was only 55yrs. old, too young to die. i lost my dad 12 yrs. ago also at the age of 53. i feel so alone without her, i have no clue how to move on or where i will go from here, she is buried around the corner from my house, she was originally from Ohio and wanted to live by me, prime example of be careful what u wish for!