My mom! my best friend! my soul! my life! my everythin! Cant seem to live without herrr :(

by Amrita Arora
(New Delhi, India)


My mom passed away on 23rd July, 2012 due to heart attack. She was only 63 years old. I wasn't with her when she died. She went to visit holy temple and while her way back suddenly she collapsed. When all this happened she was travelling in a bus with my dad. I got a call from someone saying that they are taking her to a hospital. I lost my senses when I heard this. I could walk to the hospital where they took her. My dad lost his senses when he saw all this happening to her. Nobody performed CPR on her when this happened and it took almost 20mins for the bus to reach the hospital where they pronounced her dead. Since then I haven't been able to move on in my life. I regret that I wasn't with her at that time when she needed me the most. I could have performed CPR on her and she would have been alive today. I cry all the time. I'm still in deep shock. I cannot recover. Its a very big loss for me. I was about to get married in January 2013. She was the only person who was so happy and excited about it. That was her only wish to see me getting married. Now, she would not be able to see me in my wedding dress. I feel like dying. I'm 27 and i still used to sleep with her holding hands together. I never used to sleep without her when she was alive and I could not sleep for more then 1 week when she died. She used to do every little thing for me till now. She gave me everything from unconditional love to education and whatever i needed in life I blame myself for her death. I didnt do anything for her even when she was alive. I have been an irresponsible kid. I miss her so much all the time and every little thing about her. She never used to leave me alone. She wanted be with me all the time. Now, I dont have her. I get pains in my heart. I do not know how would I be able to survive without her.

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My mom! my best friend! my soul! my life! my everythin! Cant seem to live without herrr :(

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Sep 23, 2012
 My mom!my best friend!my soul!my life.....
by: silver

NUMBER 1:honey,please don't blame yourself. you don't know for sure that she would have survived. Yes she would have had a better chance,but who knows. I read a note from a young man once who said it was his fault his mother died because he suggested a trip for him and his father. He said she was dead when they got back and if he hadn't gone on the trip she would still be alive. I'm no stranger to that note either.When my sister lay dying I went home to rest while her husband took over watch.For a long time I said if I hadn't left she wouldn't have died.When my mother died I was on the way to a chemo treatment for my husband.I just knew that I could have saved her if I had been there when she fell to the floor unconscious(she died of a blood clot to the heart after she sat doing nothing after my dad died).I am a retired nurse and I just KNEW that I could have done something.It doesn't work you know----this blaming of ourselves. GOD has a time for each of us. What matters THE MOST is that you let her know how much you loved her while she was alive. My mother used to get mad at me for buying her flowers.She said I didn't need to spend my money on something like that. I would tell her that she couldn't smell them from the grave. I am sure, by your note,that you more often than not let her know what she meant to you.You will grieve.I know I do and my mom's been gone 2 years.The good news is that I feel that I will get to hug her again one day. Don't let anyone tell you how long or how to grieve.Everyone is different.Don't turn away from your fiance.When my husbands mother died a yr before we got married,I tried very hard to just be there and let him grieve.Unfortunately,or maybe fortunately--depending on how you look at it--he was there for me when my mother died. I will pray that GOD will give you strength to help you on your way.Understanding and love are being sent to you
Sep 22, 2012
 My mom! best friend! my soul! life! my everything! Can't seem to live without her....
by: Doreen U.K.

Amrita I am sorry for your loss of your mom suddenly from a heart attack. It is never an easy place to be. Losing a loved one hurts so deeply. A loving mom who does everything for her children. She does so because she loves them utterly. You are feeling guilty because as you say you did nothing for her. I am sure if you think deeply enough you will find many ways in which you did things for your mom automatically. We don't clock up the things we do it is spontaneously just like your mom's love for you that she was almost your chaperone.
You mom loved you unconditonally you didn't have to do anything for her to receive her love. So don't worry about being an irresponsible kid. there are many around and it is only when one becomes mature that they become more responsible. It is not a fault or something to be guilty for. Your mom will have left you a good heritage for you to live out in your life how she lived. I am a mom a year older than your mom. I have 3 Adult children older than you, and they will one day have to bury me when I die. Mom's worry too. Who will look after my children when I die. It doesn't matter how the children are parents will always worry what will happen to them when they pass away. My husband died almost 5 months ago and he was worried about his family and how they will survive when he was gone. We will always have something to worry about in life. the cycle of life just goes on and we do the same things as we normally do. We just take people for granted that they will always be with us. But we can't go around either thinking each day when death would come otherwise it would rob us of the joy of living. Gather all the memories and write them down and have them forever. A treasure to pass on to your own children. It will fill you with joy when your read this and it will help ease your pain of losing your mom.

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