My mom taught me about Love.

by Nancy Ng
(Windsor, Ontario)

My mom lived her life with Beauty and Grace. She passed on Sept. 26, 2011. She was 75 and I was 50. Actually, moms' Alzheimers was very mild as she lived in a nursing home her last year. My father took her out for dinner at their condo every night. However, over the summer she was admitted to hospital 4 times. These were all very similar. They began with a bladder infection, antibiotics made her dehidrated, which gave her low blood pressure which gave her high pulse and temperature. Then off to hospital again. She always had sever delirium and then her alzheimers became worse each visit. The last visit was too much for her tiny body. I lived in a city 2 hours away and at the beginning of June I was able to quit my job and move in with my dad. We lived at the hospital for 4 months.

I feel blessed that I could be with my mom. I like to feel that during the last days of her life I was able to 'love her through it.' However, all the personal care and the alienation of my past life for so long has made letting my mom go extremely difficult. My dad and I held her hand as she took her last two little breaths. She endured the hospitals, diarhea, constant transports with no complaints. She lost memory of who I was during the last month but always recognized my dad. She had been a nurse for 35yrs. and received excellent care in the hospitals. Her bright smile charmed all those who met her.

My mom taught me about love. She told me of a simple faith that was really a complicated theology. She brought me in to watch Martin Luther Kings funeral on TV and told me what he stood for. She was so open and welcoming and accepted everyone with absolutely no judging, it was natural for her. She became like a child and I would hold her in my arms on the couch and she thought I was her mom. I told her I was.

I keep wishing her back, healthy and enjoying life.
When I saw her die I thought death was obscene, a silent rape of life, the ultimate insult to our spirit. I have no idea what happens when we stop living but I respect the mystery of the unknown. At my time, if I see my mom calling out to me, I will leave everything and everyone behind and run as fast as I possibly can, right into her arms.