by Susan Skinner
(North Vancouver, BC)
I lost my dear, beloved Mom on August 5, 2011. Although apparently, there is no real "normal" to grief, mine would possibly be categorized as "complicated grief" or "traumatic grief".
I suffer from PTSD from going through serious ongoing abuse from the father of my four children, whom I've been separated from since September 2005. And that is where part of the complication in my grief sets in, as the serious lies, manipulation, theft and being used - all of which the children and I experienced from their father, affected my Mom too. We all have a part to play in our relationships - and that is where part of my tremendous guilt and regret lie; it is in how the stress and trauma of dealing with my ex, greatly stressed and anguished my Mother and was a contributing factor in the stress related illnesses that preceded the diagnosis of small cell extensive lung cancer my mother received in May 2010.
That's all I can write for now. The grief exhausts me; and as well, I need to tend to the children and get ready for work - a good sign, perhaps, as I am at least somewhat coping today. Some days I let the grief overtake me, succumb to the intensity - cry, miss work functions, stay in bed, sleep crazy hours - but if all this sounds like I should be in a different place by now (6 months since Mom passed) - the information on this website solidifies what my intuition has been telling me of late - just surrender to it, accept, embrace and gulp down this strong medicine that is grief - with courage and continue to keep my heart open - to myself, my children, the few friends I am letting in of late, my Mom and my loving - all loving, all powerful, all knowing, God. ~ May grace, strength and love be with you all <3