(Burntwood, Staffordshire, UK)
Three weeks before she died
It's been almost 5 months since my Mom died. She was found collapsed on Valentine's Day and it turned out she had a rare brain tumour that had haemorrhaged. Seven weeks later she had gone. I miss her SO much. Today I sat in a Costa Coffee Shop (my mom loved Costa) and I couldn't stop the tears rolling down my face. Fourteen hours later, I'm in bed, still crying. I'd give anything to have her back. The last few months before she collapsed, she became less able to get about. I'd moan at her and tell her to go for physiotherapy. The week before she collapsed she told me to stop getting on at her because she wouldn't be around for much longer. I told her that it was only because I loved her. I know she loved me. In the hospital, when asked who I was, she would say, 'my beautiful daughter' and when I told her I loved her, she would reply with, 'I love you too my darling.' This got progressively muffled but I knew what she was saying and I'd smile for her. The day before her funeral, I visited her and did her hair for her one last time, sprayed her with her favourite fragrance and kissed her forehead, leaving a red lipstick kiss on her. I am now about to move in with my Dad as he is so lonely and has either early dementia or Alzheimer's. We are waiting for brain scan to confirm which. He's lost without her. It was their Diamond Wedding Anniversary the week after she collapsed and they had been together since they were fourteen. She was 82 when she died but I wasn't ready to lose her. My brother and his wife died only three years previous. I miss them all. My heart is totally broken.