My Mom.

by Janine
(Burntwood, Staffordshire, UK)

Three weeks before she died

Three weeks before she died

Three weeks before she died

It's been almost 5 months since my Mom died. She was found collapsed on Valentine's Day and it turned out she had a rare brain tumour that had haemorrhaged. Seven weeks later she had gone. I miss her SO much. Today I sat in a Costa Coffee Shop (my mom loved Costa) and I couldn't stop the tears rolling down my face. Fourteen hours later, I'm in bed, still crying. I'd give anything to have her back. The last few months before she collapsed, she became less able to get about. I'd moan at her and tell her to go for physiotherapy. The week before she collapsed she told me to stop getting on at her because she wouldn't be around for much longer. I told her that it was only because I loved her. I know she loved me. In the hospital, when asked who I was, she would say, 'my beautiful daughter' and when I told her I loved her, she would reply with, 'I love you too my darling.' This got progressively muffled but I knew what she was saying and I'd smile for her. The day before her funeral, I visited her and did her hair for her one last time, sprayed her with her favourite fragrance and kissed her forehead, leaving a red lipstick kiss on her. I am now about to move in with my Dad as he is so lonely and has either early dementia or Alzheimer's. We are waiting for brain scan to confirm which. He's lost without her. It was their Diamond Wedding Anniversary the week after she collapsed and they had been together since they were fourteen. She was 82 when she died but I wasn't ready to lose her. My brother and his wife died only three years previous. I miss them all. My heart is totally broken.

Comments for My Mom.

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Sep 02, 2014
My mom
by: Therese

I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my mum last year she was 83 and died from heart failure. Like you I moaned at her to eat more, go to bed on time etc . Now that she is gone I feel guilty too wishing I had just enjoyed the time with her. I loved her dearly and like your mum she was proud of me and we were close. I can't tell you it gets easier any time soon as a year on I am still grieving although I have some good days. Your Dad will become your focus now and that will help you cope. I wish you all the best there is no easy answer, just try to rely on supportive friends and family when you need to talk and don't expect too much from yourself. Take one day at a time and remember. It is ok to cry, I am crying writing this.All the best Therese Dublin.

Sep 01, 2014
My Mom
by: Doreen UK

Janine it doesn't matter how old our parents are we hurt just as much when we lose them. I lost my mother 11yrs. ago at age 77yrs. I was thankful I had her for all these years, and didn't lose her younger. My Dad is in a care home at age 93yrs. and has no quality of life with dementia. He doesn't want to be here. My husband did want to live and he died of a rare cancer 2yrs. ago. married 44yrs. and now facing retirement alone. So much pain and suffering for all of us and trying to find our way back. I took ONE DAY AT A TIME. This is how I have been able to cope with my grief.
I am glad you have moved in with your Dad. No use living alone if family is able to be available. Sad that our Social Services is run down now in the U.K. The support is not there anymore when we need it. More and more families are taking on the whole care for parents and loved one's and worn out with the immense responsibility. WE usually soldier on and crumble under the weight. All I can say is that if you take one day at a time you will cope better with your grief. It took me 9yrs. to recover from losing my mother. My children will go through the same pain when I die. The cycle of life and death goes on and we all struggle to adjust to a new way of living. If you find yourself struggling too much you may like to try CRUSE bereavement counselling. They are good and would be a good support structure to you now. You may also get support for your father which may make life easier when someone is suffering with dementia. Just don't suffer alone when there are services to help you.

Aug 31, 2014
Sad will be happy
by: Jankar

I am so sorry for your loss. Four months ago I lost my brother the same way, he only survived a little over a week, it was very hard and I really miss him.
What comforts me is the knowledge that god did not intend for these things and is not the cause. He does allow sickness and death but only for a time, even though it seems mankind has dealt with these things forever time is relative to god, a day to him is as a thousand years to us. With that said he promises a resurrection of both the righteous and unrighteousness- Acts 24:15 I rejoice in thinking of the time to come when I am reunited with my dead loved ones, I hope this brings you some comfort too

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