my mom

by tamieko
(ohio)

I've posted here before when she died in june this past year, i dreaded the holidays, thanksgiving was ok but her birthday was december 20th so i laid a wreath on her grave but made it through till christmas, i went overboard in shopping for my family to distract myself from the pain of her not being there, who expects to lose their mom at 55 yr. old right? then it hit me and i bawled, i could not stop crying, like it had just happened?

I was looking forward to New years, so this horrific year of loss would finally be over, but now i am feeling horribly sad at the fact that i feel as if i am leaving her behind in 2010, does that even make sense? it's like how can we go on into a new year without her, i am starting the first year of my life without her, and for that reason i am dreading it.

Comments for my mom

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Jan 04, 2011
2011
by: Marti

Tamieko, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom September 30, 2010, and like you New Years hit me especially hard for the exact reason you mentioned. This will be the first new year without my mom. Though 2010 was the worst year of my life, I was sad to see it go since it was my last year with her. It just drives it home that time marches on without my mom.

Dec 30, 2010
Courage behind chocolate
by:

Hi ya,

As a fellow traveler in where's my endorphins? I need to feel better now please...I sure do understand.

I do not drink but I have tried everything just to feel NORMAL and escape this hellish ride of grief. Just in case my daughter reads this I have done nothing illegal or immoral.

I do have 10 bags of kisses for instant relief
5 irish cream- oh never had them before their on sale! I'll buy 5!
5 bags of chocolate meltaway kisses(highly recommended in moderation)

But chocolate and clearance racks cannot keep the owchi boo boo's of our heart at bay. We must face grief and let it know that you may have me now because I am helpless without him. But one day I will face you and start this new life without you, I will leave grief not behind but in its place. Not allowing it to destroy my life as it tries. I once was happy and I will be again.

The one that I loved will be a warm memory in my heart that will allow, will Want my happiness so I will go forward ever so slowly...
HH

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