by Dawn T
I lost my mom a week ago yesterday. She went to work, and they found her in the restroom. Cardiac arrest. Last time I saw her was the day before. She told me she just bought some calla lily bulbs for me to plant. It was our thing...Gardening. I love my mom, and miss her so much. My mom had 10 kids, 9 of us are still living. We, being a large family, spent every holiday together. My mom was an only child and hated it. She always wanted 10 kids. She also has 16 grandchildren. Her favorite thing was Christmas and Thanksgiving, she loved to cook for us and was the best cook...ever. She was the smartest person I knew. She went back to school at 45, after being a stay at home mom. She became a nurse. I helped her study her medical terminology. She became an RN, and worked at the Veterans Administration on the surgical floor. She was an amazing women. I feel bad for my siblings. I am at a different stage in my grief. And I feel guilty about it. My mom and I spent a lot of time together. We didn't have any unfinished business. She loved me and I loved her. Anytime I felt bad, or something bad was going on in my life, she would say, "this too shall pass". I keep hearing her say that to me. I know she is gone, but I also know, I know I will see her again. I know where she is and who she is with. She is o.k. and I will be o.k. because she loved me. And still does. I don't like to think of life without her, that's when I get overwhelmed. I like to remember all of our time together. That makes me smile. Sunday before she passed, I handed her her youngest granddaughter, Ivy. Nine months old and already walking. My mom was smiling when I gave her to her. I will cherish that last smile till I die. I have hope. My mom saved my life. Ten years ago, I went into inpatient treatment for a very bad drug habit. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be here today. Going through treatment taught me to talk about my feelings, and I didn't with her. Open and honest, she knew everything. I thank God for that time with her, we were friends. I am proud of her. I know she's proud of me.