My mom,My friend,My happiness.

by JOHN M GUINTO
(SYRACUSE,NEW YORK)

I LOST MY MOM ON JULY 23RD,2011 AT 93 YEARS OF AGE SHE DIED IN A HOSPITAL OF COMPLICATIONS OF A FEMUR FRACTURE.SHE WAS TAKEN BY AMBULANCE TO THE HOSPITAL ON FEB 19TH 2011 ON A SATURDAY AFTER HAVING HAD A PANIC ATTACK WHILE I WAS AT CHURCH,I BLAME MYSELF FOR THIS HAVING HAPPENED TO HER,THE PAPER BOY CALLED AN AMBULANCE AND SHE WAS TAKEN AGAINST MY WILL OUT OF THE HOUSE TO THE HOSPITAL FOR AN EVALUATION WHICH CONFIRMED THAT SHE HAD DEMENTIA,SHE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL A MONTH,THEN WENT TO A NURSING HOME WHERE SHE SPENT 3 MONTHS AND 3 WEEKS AND THIS IS WHERE SHE FELL FROM A STANDING HEIGHT DO TO SOME MEDICATION SHE WAS PUT ON WHICH SHE NEVER SHOULD OF BEEN GIVEN DUE TO HER DEMENTIA,I CAN'T REMEMBER THE NAME OF THE MEDICATION BUT IT UPSET HER EQUILIBRIUM CAUSING HER TO FALL WHICH BROKE HER HIP CAUSING HER TO HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE HOSPITAL FOR AN OPERATION WHERE SHE DIED A WEEK LATER.I WAS VERY CLOSE TO MY MOTHER,WE HAD ALOT OF GOOD TIMES TOGETHER,WE WENT TO MOVIES,ON RIDES IN THE COUNTRY EVERY WEEK IN OCTOBER TO SEE THE LEAVES TURNING COLOR THEN WE WOULD STOP FOR PIZZA OR ICE CREAM,AND HAD DINER TOGETHER EVERY NIGHT,IDID EVERYTHING FOR HER,HER BANKING,PICKED UP THE GROCERIES,CLEANED AND COOKED FOR HER,IT WAS HARD AT TIMES DOING ALL THESE THINGS FOR HER,BUT I SAW IT AS A LABOR OF LOVE,IT WAS WORTH IT TO JUST HAVE HER AROUND,I ENJOYED HER COMPANY,WHEN SHE WAS THERE I WASN'T LONELY,I WAS HAPPY,BUT ONCE SHE DIED,SO DID MY HAPPINESS,I SUPPOSE I SHOULDN'T BASE MY BEING HAPPY ON A PERSONS EXISTANCE,BUT THIS WASN'T JUST ANYONE,THIS WAS MY MOM,SHE WAS EVERYTHING TO ME,THIS WAS THE PERSON WHO GAVE ME LIFE,I KNOW A FRIEND OF MY SISTER WHO WHEN HE LOST HIS MOM,IT TOOK HIM 2 YEARS TO GET OVER IT,BUT,IN ALL HONESTY I CAN'T SEE MYSELF EVER GETTING OVER IT.I KNOW I HAVE TO GO ON,TROUBLE IS I DON'T WANT TO GO ON,I FEEL VARY STRANGE ALL BY MYSELF,I FEEL TOTALLY DIFFERENT WITHOUT HER AROUND.I KNOW I'M ON MY OWN AND HAVE TO FEND FOR MYSELF,BUT I DONT WANT TO,I CAN'T IMAGINE MY LIFE WITHOUT HER,HOW CAN I EVER BE HAPPY AGAIN WITHOUT HER.THE FACT THAT I FEEL THIS WAY SHOWS I'M A LONG WAY FROM BEING OVER HER DEATH,I'VE HEARD IT GETS EASIER AS TIME GOES ON,BUT YOU NEVER COMPLETELY GET OVER IT,BUT THIS HURTS SO MUCH,I DON'T SEE MYSELF GETTING OVER IT EVEN ALITTLE BIT,THIS HAS JUST DEVISTATED ME AN IT HURTS LIKE HELL.SINCERELY:JOHN M GUINTO

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Oct 05, 2012
in sorry
by: bernadette

i fee your pain. my mom died August 19 th,2011. almost 96. please don't blame yourself for anything. you did the best you could do.some things are out of our control. i have to learn this also.think of all you did for her.you were a blessing.

Sep 18, 2012
My mom, My friend, My happiness.
by: Doreen U.K.

John WHY? shouldn't we base our happiness on a persons EXISTENCE. You were in the Womb, Your mother gave birth to you attached by an umbilical cord. That cord gets cut but it feels as if the relationship is still attached. At death this is when this Bond is cut and there is separation. This HURTS. I am sorry for your loss. We will never get over the DEATH OF OUR MOM. We may learn to live with this in time. But we never get over it. We spend a lot of time with our parents and they are our caregivers. There is a lot of INTERACTION involved and it becomes the FABRIC of our EXISTENCE. Any threat to this existence will throw us into CHAOS. This is what it feels like for all of us. The very atmosphere around us changes. Our world has been blown up to pieces. It is these pieces we can't put back together again. You and all of us will feel this sickness of GRIEF for sometime. When we HEAL from our Loss is different for each of us. We will go on living and losing people from our lives. But better to have Loved and Lived and had these people in our lives enriching US FOREVER. Our life cycles will go on. It is the CHANGE that is difficult for all of us.

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