My mother Marie

by Susan
(United States )

Yesterday October 18 2012 at 1 pm I lost my dear sweet mother. Although I was trying to prepare for her death, because of all of her illness, I still am feeling in shock. I know that I am dealing with her death in a healthy way, by allowing myself every emotion that comes my way. I expect periods of extreme sadness, Today I woke up angry and only wanted my mom. My husband reached out his strong hand and said come here, I said no, I don't want you I want my mother! Of course he completely understood. I know nothing will ever take her place ever and I know that now, so happy to work through my brief anger emotion too. So what will help me feel at least a little better? Well, one thing I know is that I asked her. Her last bit of advice. I asked mom "After you die, what will I do? She said you will be alright. Just lean on your husband and take care of your family. (Right now my family is taking care of me!) I am doing that. I know I will be okay. Everything will be alright for all of us who have lost our mom. I am looking back now and remembering every bit of advice she ever gave me. It's like looking back through the pages of a reference book. You have a problem, pick up that Mom's reference manual and see what you find under the issue you are having. The manual will not be the same for all of us, some will be thick and full of information, some will be thin with a little information, some might not have one, (if not find a friend who might share theirs) I know it sounds kind of funny, but so far as I am writing this it is helping. I will always love her, I am in shock that she is no longer on this earth, but I know that she will forever live in my heart. How lucky am I to have known and been the daughter of such a wonderful woman. I am hoping now only to measure up to all that she was. She prepared me, I miss her I know that now my life will be different without her, it's just a matter of time before I accept the change and move forward. I will always be with her in my heart. But I know the best way to cope is to just keep reaching out. It is other people talking laughing crying and supporting me and with me that is helping right now. I will take one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time whatever it takes to help me maybe not heal but to accept. Tonight for some reason carrying a book around with me makes me feel better. (My mother was an avid reader) Tomorrow it might be a monopoly game with my family, I don't know but back in the reference manual under sadness or loss "keep yourself occupied, Susan" It's no good to just sit around and feel sorry for yourself! And basically that it what I am doing because I lost my mom She is happy and okay so what am I doing ? Feeling sorry for myself. Life is good it teaches us so much. I hope this helps as it did me just to write it. Okay time to go get occupied. I think I will read that book ............

One day at a time............

Comments for My mother Marie

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Oct 22, 2012
Thank You
by: Daughter of Marie

Thank You so much for all of your comments. They are truly helping in this time of great and severe sadness.

Oct 20, 2012
I feel your pain
by: Anonymous

My mom just passed away on 10/6/12. She was my rock. And now she is gone. It has been an emotional roller coaster, but just pray to God that he may take away this pain. I understand exactly how you feel. May God give you strength in this difficult time. And like you said keep busy, watch funny movies.

Oct 20, 2012
You are feeling normal grief
by: Gary

I experienced the same thing over a year ago. The best advice I read was let grief have its way with you. Cry, feel sorry for yourself, be angry,scared and miss your mom. There is no shortcut and there is no shame or fear during grief. Some day peace will come to you and you'll have just fond memories. I am here to say the road was long and painful. Think of it this way. The pain is coming out from the love you lost, its almost like showing your love and respect. God bless!

Oct 20, 2012
My mother Marie
by: Anonymous

Susan I am sorry for your loss of your mom. I am glad you are able to talk about her here and finding ways to cope with your grief, in the way you feel able to. Just don't deny yourself the need to (as you say) FEEL SORRY FOR YOURSELF. I get quite cross with hearing this expression. It should never be associated with someone who is grieving. We have the right to express our anger, fear, sadness, guilt, sorrow etc. over our loss of our loved one. God gave these people to us for a season and a purpose. We enhance each other's life. They left this world and it makes us all feel sad, unhappy, angry, full of sorrow. This is normal. It is good that they are in a safe place where they are not suffering anymore. But if the truth be told. They didn't want to die. The majority of those who have left this world did not want to leave yet. They had no choice in the matter. We did not cause this pain to ourselves. It happened to us. We had no choice in the matter. We can CHOOSE to not to grieve. But we will anyway. If we stuff the feelings down and try to carry on as if everything was normal, some day we will pay a price by such overwhelming grief it will be unbearable. We have to feel the feelings of grief and loss before we can move forward in a healthy way. Often a death can trigger off other feelings and emotions in us and cause us pain that we don't know where it is coming from. When we deal with it we HEAL. This sadly is a slow process. Keeping and writing in a journal is another way to deal with grief. I am one who finds it easier to get my feelings out by writing rather than talking. We each have to do what works for us. Seeing a grief counsellor is another way of coping with grief if we are stuck and can't move forward. We can make a CHOICE that we are going to move on in life. But it is still a PROCESS. It takes time. The hardest part of our grief is not haveing our loved one around anymore. They have left the world and it is hard to come to terms with this. It sometimes feels as if they never existed when we struggle to remember things about them and it takes time for the memories to come back. WE soldier on one day at a time and one day we will be in a healthier and happier place having moved forward.

Oct 20, 2012
hospital neglect
by: Anonymous

My mother passed dec.10 2011 I am still having bouts of sadness i feel that the hospital neglected. She went in for tests and never returned home. First a spinal tap that wasn't authorized. Then a bedsore from not turning her. to an infection in the bed sore. To allowing her fall on her head out of a bed and get blood clot on the brain. to mersa( bacteria infection in the blood) to pneumonia that killed her

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