My Mother, My Friend...

by Kama
(Phoenix, AZ)

Mom this is to you. Sorry it has taken me so long. I did not expect you to leave me so suddenly. Yes, I was angry. I felt like an orphan, with dad gone and now you. I felt like you abandoned me. I know now that is not so.
You missed dad terribly, and needed to be with him. It is a comfort to know you now are.

I felt like I never truly appreciated you. I was embarrassed at times with your quaint sense of humor, at least when I was in high school.
And I remember the years we fought over things like how to raise my daughter.

But, before you left, you turned into the friend I always wanted. In spite of your criticism of my earlier life, you finally accepted me for the woman I am.

I will be forever grateful for that. You took in stride my drug abuse, my failed marriages, and all of it, and accept me and was proud of me.
I will be forever grateful for the final talks we had, the sharing woman to woman. You gave me that, and that was what I really wanted and needed.

Mom, you had a hard row to hoe, just keeping me alive when I was young, I was so sick, and you dedicated yourself to keeping me alive. You and dad had an unshakable faith in God, and now I find that has taken root in me.

I miss you mom. I miss you so much. I constantly want to pick up the phone and call you, but I know I can't. Sometimes I dial the number to stop the urge. I used to call you for everything, remember? Even how to cook something.
I remember all those Christmases with you baking, How I miss them.

I knew you and dad were going before this all happened. Remember the song Ave Maria? I learned to play it on the keyboard a few years ago. The first time I did, I cried and cried.

I knew it was not to be much longer. And then you and dad got too sick. I am grateful we got to help you as much as we could. I even did not mind filling your insulin syringes or your medication containers 'cause it was time spent with you.

I also want to say I forgive you, for leaving me. I know I begged you to not go anywhere, but I think the choice was taken out of you hands, God wanted you home, and dad needed you.

You and he showed me what love and marriage is all about. God has you two for angels now. You know sometimes I see you and dad walking hand and hand?

I love you, so much, mom, I really do and will love you forever, Kama