My mother.

by David

I'm David, and I'm 18. I lost my mother December 23rd, 2010, when I was sixteen. She died of a pulmanary embolism, while I and my dad where up in Tucson. It was my idea to go to Tucson that day, and take full blame for not being there when she died. When I walked in the house, I noticed her door was open and lights were on. I walked into her room and found her dead. Truly there is no greater horror then this. I have lost faith in whatever god there is, because if he does exist, he is truly evil for making anyone go through something like this. I've tried to kill myself, but I have not done so for the reprecusians it would have on my surviving family. No one my age seems to know what I'm going through. There is no empathy for me. My dad is now an alcoholic who simply has seemed to stop caring about me as a father. Many of my friends have left me, but who can blame them? I wouldn't want a sad sack like me as a friend either. I probably will never be on this website again, but I do hope you all well. Losing a mother is a terrible thing, and I hope you all have some support through loved ones. Sincerely, David.

Comments for My mother.

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Sep 11, 2012
My mother
by: Doreen U.K.

David stop blaming yourself for your mother's death. We plan our day and life and this is what we are supposed to do. It is natural and a healthy thing to do. None of us can sit at home just in case someone dies. This would be bizarre. You will eventually be able to let this go and move on but for now it is raw grief and it will make you feel as if it is your fault that your mom died. Maybe now you see how irrational this is. In grief we naturally think this way. We all live with REGRETS as part of life. Some regrets we will have to FORGIVE ourselves for. Your mom is not hurting. YOU ARE!! Your mom is at Peace. There are some illnesses like aneurysms and blood clot diseases that can't be avoided and kill quickly. My husband died slowly of cancer over 3yrs. and I had to watch him die slowly and there was nothing I could do but silently cry. You are Young. It hurts more. Try and see a grief counsellor who will support you well throughout your grief. Things will seem much easier with the right support and people on your side. Families in grief seem to distance themselves from us and leave us all alone with our grief. I cannot understand this. The people you think you can count on behave the worst towards us compounding our grief more. Don't make the mistake of shutting yourself off from the people who care enough to support you on this site because they CARE, and they know how you feel. This is EMPATHY. If your friends could walk away from you now. They aren't FRIENDS. So don't be down on yourself by saying Who can blame them. I CAN. Just like I can blame the people who walked away from me the day I buried my husband. People who I supported and was there for. This is the time you find out who your TRUE FRIENDS are. People I needed. Many people can tell you the same story on this site. Don't curse God. He is all we have. When His Son Jesus Died. HE knew what the pain was like but he couldn't rescue his son till the job was done of his son coming to earth to die for us so we can have life eternal. All because of SIN. This is why there is DEATH. Death was not in God's original plan. Death came as a result of Adam and Eve sinning. Your Dad is hurting and handling his grief the only way he knows. By drinking to shut out his own pain. Don't see this as rejection. We are all more overly sensitive at this time. I WAS. Many others will tell you the same story. I will end now and email you since you gave your email address. I hope you stay with us. We need you even you don't need us.

Sep 10, 2012
my mother/David
by: silver

I sincerely hope that you do return to the site. It has helped me. I don't have your situation and,thankfully, I can't imagine how you feel. My baby sister died at age 44.She left behind a 12 and a 13 yr old(also 2 children over 20 from a previous marriage)The 13 yr old was over 150 miles away in a school for dyslexia students and didn't get to say good-by.The 12 yr old was in the car and watched his mother take her last breath.He is 23 now. He still won't talk about that day or the few days following but he does talk about her.His sister tells me that he does occasionally talk to her and she does talk about her mom.You should not punish yourself.You did nothing wrong.How were you to know that your mom would be gone when you returned.She could just as easily been there like always.My son tried to kill himself when his father died.He said that he hadn't wanted me to find him.I told him that I just lost his father why did he think I wanted to lose a son also.(within 2 weeks)When my baby sister died I had just left her a couple of hours earlier.For awhile I told myself that if I hadn't left she wouldn't have died.GOD has his time for all of us. HE may have taken her home to prevent her having to deal with something she wouldn't have been able to handle. HE needed her for some reason.My baby sis would have died of grief if she had been here when my mom and dad died 7 months apart and she was good friends with me and my husband.She was a very loving sensitive person and would have died of grief.She had already been through enough. A fire in her home almost killed her 2 younger children(the boy did die x2 but was on a machine which took over)One of my grandchildren died in that fire. She went into another state of mind away from everything for the better part of 2 months.We as humans,cannot control life.It is NOT a punishment if someone goes home to GOD.It is just their time. We can't even understand this but grieving is a part of life. Grieve. It's natural.GOD BLESS you and help you.

Sep 10, 2012
by: Kim

This is truly tragic. I have also lost my mum but have had support from friends and family. This must be really hard for you, your dad maybe thinks drinking will solve his problems and does this as a result of your mum's death. I don't think you should blame yourself you didn't know this was going to happen, no one knows when someone is going to die but it happens. Yes it is really hard and will be difficult probably for the rest of your life. And I know you miss her but do not blame yourself for this your friend should have stayed with you there is no possible excuse for everyone abandoning you when you needed them most. I know I don't know you But I am here as a friend to you and to listen whenever and if you want to talk. I do hope you come back on this site so that you can see this comment and realize that someone does care about you and you do have a life worth living even though it may not seem like it, life does go on and so should you but always have the memories of your mum in your heart.

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