My mothers' final days

by Liana
(Romania)

I lost my mother on August 9th 2011. She had passed away during the night and the hospital called us in the morning to let us know. The pain I felt in that moment turned me into a wailing, shocked heap of grief. The fact that I would never see her was inconceivable for me. She had always been there, my entire life (I am in my 40ies now) and the nearly two months when she was ill were not enough to help me deal with the fact that there was no hope left for her.
It all started at the end of May, the same year, when, all of a sudden she began to feel ill. She used to have back pain occasionally and digestive problems from time to time, so we were not terribly worried, but nothing could have shocked us more than the doctors’ diagnosis of metastasized bowl cancer. How could this have happened, how could it be that such a strong woman, with all her plans for the future (she was 69), all her joy of life, disappear in two short months?
It was devastating for us, for me especially since I was her only child.
Even now, all those terrifying days spent in the hospital (she was operated five times in a desperate attempt to save her life) are crystal clear in my mind. And the one and only outburst of despair I ever heard from her is still ringing in my ears as if it happened yesterday: “I so wish to be home and healthy again.”
It nearly destroys me to think that I wasn’t able to help her. I try to function as good as I can, I don’t want to upset my husband, my father, my friends, but the pain is constant, present all the time, and she is always in my thoughts. It is very hard for me when my father insists we go through her things to sort and give them away, everywhere I turn in my parents house I expect to see her coming from another room. And sometimes I wonder how she managed to cope when her mother died? Because for me, it’s like missing a limb and the pain is ever present.
Everybody tells me that the pain will ease, that time will heal the wounds. But every day that passes seems to me like another step away from her, away from her gentle hands, her comforting words, from her love…
And truly, I am not sure I can cope with that.

Comments for My mothers' final days

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Feb 14, 2012
To PatJ.
by: Liana

Dear Pat,
Thank you for your kind words and for sharing your life's story with me (us). I think you are a wonderful person to be able to comfort others at a time when you are yourself grieving. I admire truly and wish you nothing but the best for the future. Again, thank you for your comforting words. God bless you.

Feb 13, 2012
Mothers' final days
by: Pat J.

Liana,
You may not think it possible at this time, but things will improve. I was 29, 36 years ago, when my mother died, after battling breast cancer for 11 years.
I lost not only my mother, but my best friend, when she died. I shared so much with her my whole life.
Your mother will always live in your heart. She is watching over you. Cherish your memories. No one can ever take your memories away. Talk to her; no you will no longer hear her voice, but talk to her. I still talk to my mom.
Six years ago my dad died and I carry him in my heart also. I talk to him too.
Now though, I am dealing with the worst grief in my life; the death of my husband of 46 years to a massive heart attack. I know this ache in my heart will never go away. He took a part of me with him, the day he died; June 27,2011. He died the day after our 46th wedding anniversary. Will it ever get easier or better? Right now I am just doing the best I can. I still have this lump in my chest at any given moment.
I have 5 adult children; who want their mom happy again. I am as happy as I can be for the moment. My life is forever changed; and so am I as a person. My other half of me has died and he cannot ever be replaced.
Your mom was a wonderful part of your life; talk about her; always remember her. She will always be with you; her spirit did not die; that will always be.
God Bless You. We all share this awful thing called grief. We all grieve differently, but it is our grief; and grieve as you will, for as long as you need; there is no time limit on grief.

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