My mum, my world, my best friend.

by Caroline
(Stockholm Sweden)

I recently lost my mother to lung cancer. It all happened so fast. She was misdiagnosed for months with doctors telling her that her severe back and shoulder pain was due to a hernia. All this when really my mother had multiple bone metastases. My poor mother was working full time taking care of disabled people whilst being in immense pain. I was with her day during her illness. I lived at the hospital in a chair, then cared for her at home and eventually moving with her to a palliative care facility. On July 26th (in Stockholm Sweden) she died in my arms just after I said. I love you mum you are the best mum in the entire world.

My mum was my world and my best friend. We did everything together and it was always her and I against the world. All my life we have had an amazing connection. We saw each other everyday and on the rare occasion we didn't we'd talk for hours on the phone.

Everything I ever did good I did mostly for her. All I ever wanted and took pride in was making my mother happy.

I feel so incredibly sad and depressed, all I want is for my mother to be here with me again, hugging me, talking to me... I no longer feel the will to live myself as I keep wishing that will bring me to my mother somehow.

In my mothers eyes I was the best and I could never do anything wrong. In her world I was the smartest, prettiest and kindest person there was. Unconditional love. Something I will never experience again. Just the thought of that makes me want to curl up in bed and never move.

I'm sad that she was robbed of her life when all she wanted to do was live. My mother loved life and everything about it. She appreciated everything and was always happy. She wanted to live! She didn't even think she would die. She wanted to work some more then retire. After 50 years of caring for others, she deserved to retire and travel and do everything she wanted to do. She desperately wanted grandchildren, something that I had yet to give her. She will not get to meet my future children. That fact even takes away the joy I felt about eventually having kids of my own.

My mum was only 60 years old and the only thing that I am happy about is that we got to celebrate her 60th with style. I gave her a trip to Rom, and we had the best time.

I'm only 24 and about to graduate college next semester, something that she will never get the chance to see. That makes me not want to graduate.

to sum it up; without my mother by my side I look forward to NOTHING and NOTHING will ever be fun again. THE EXCRUCIATING PAIN WILL NEVER GO AWAY


Comments for My mum, my world, my best friend.

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Aug 12, 2012
My mum, my world, my best friend
by: Doreen U.K.

Caroline I am sorry for your loss of your mother. You certainly had a special strong BOND with your mother that will make your grief that much more painfull. There is no easy route for us now in life through our grief. I know how you feel. My husband died of lung cancer 3 months ago. He wanted to live. He didn't want to die and I nursed him for 3yrs.39days and had to watch him die slowly and a painfull death. Steve was violently sick with taking morphine so he had a substitute that wasn't strong enough and so he suffered a painful death. We were married 44yrs. Steve was robbed of his retirement with big plans having worked hard for over 47years. Then to die and be robbed of seeing his 2 baby grandchildren grow up. Yesterday I gave our grandson of 3yrs. Steve's guitar. It is painful having to part with our loved one's belongings. Now I give Steve's car away to his niece. His only sister's daughter. GIVING is good but painfull for Steve's loss of what he built up. It is hard to go on each day with this emptiness and lonliness. Missing our loved one. Wishing they were back with us. There is nothing in life that can be worse than this Pain and Grief. In time Caroline you will go on and make new memories and you will never forget the ones you had with your mother. These ones will carry you through the difficult days ahead and give you the strength to go on in life and live like how your mother would have prepared you for. THIS JOURNEY OF LIFE. Best wishes for your future.

Aug 11, 2012
Caroline, I understand
by: Bereaved daughter

Hello Caroline,
Firstly my condolences on your sad loss.

My mum was snatched after a misdiagnosis so I do understand how devastating it is when the treatment seems to come so late. Please remember you WERE THERE ALL THE TIME this must have been such a comfort to your dear mum to have your loving familiar face present right up to the last.

My mum died too before I had the chance to give her the gift of my children. But I try to focus that in some way by me continuing the battle to keep living (like you I feel grief stricken all the time) I am keeping her alive.

Dont expect too much too soon. Just focus that you still the special daughter your mum so much potential in.

Thinking of you.

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