My mummy, my best friend

I lost my mom on December 13, 2009. She was only 57. She had no illness, just some aches and pains, but the medical examiner told me she had a massive heart attack. Unfortunately, mom did not have insurance and wasn't able to go to the doctor as frequently as she should have. I don't have any regrets, just realize that hindsight is 20/20.

It's always been just mom and I. Her mother is still living, but we are not nearly as close as her and I were, and they had some turbulent years as well. The night before her passing, mom and I spent the night finishing getting the Christmas tree up, we talked, ate some cookies and watched the Polar Express. I stayed with her until midnight and she offered to let me stay. I wish I had, but I'll forever be greatful for the wonderful last night we had together.

I'm haunted, however, by the experience of finding her. She hadn't called me that morning like she usually did, and she wasn't returning my calls. I finally realized I needed to walk down there (I live down the street from her) and I found her on the spot on the couch she always slept on. She went very quickly and painlessly and looked so peaceful. I still can't believe she's gone.

She always wanted a big party whenever we talked of this day, so I threw her a huge one, just wish she would have been there to see it. At her funeral, I had mentioned that one of the greatest measures of happiness in a childs life is from the first memories they have, and I sometimes feel like I remember her holding me for the first time. She was such an amazing person and one day I hope to be half of what she was. I have a lot of the "little lessons" to take from this.

Love you forever mummy. xoxo