My Nan, never forgotten xo

by Morgan
(London )

I lost my nan nearly 8 years ago i think, when i play the radio which is very rare i always play my nans favorite radio station.I end up turning it off with in 5 minutes because every song they play just reminded me of her to much. When she died i was to young to go to her funeral i just sat in school crying. I had many beautiful memories with her. I refuse to ask anyone about the death of my nan because when ever i mention her i just burst out in tears. I know and have been told to think of the positives but i cant her last words were something along the lines of, Smile live life nice i will always be here.. i wanted to go and see her when she was dying in hospital but children wasn't aloud in her ward. I want her back, i used to self harm to try and go to her for about 6 months That was at the age of 7! I dont want to talk to my mum about it because i will just burst out in tears. Lately everyone i know is dying around me, My uncle charlie passed away a couple months ago and the 3 days ago one of my best-est mates died of a heart attack. Thats just made things worse i need help but cant talk to my parents about it...please help me

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May 27, 2014
My Nan, never forgotten xo
by: Doreen UK

Morgan I am filled with sadness over people like you as children who have feelings and emotions and not allowed to express this in the adult world because Adults are not only busy with their own grief, but society has rules and regulations that seem to put a protective barrier around children. I feel very angry about this. You still sound YOUNG by the language of your writing. You are still hurting from your loss and need to express this how you need to. First let me tell you to not be afraid to CRY. This is good grief. Don't even mind where you cry. There is never a convenient place to express grief. I live in the U.K. also and we have CRUSE bereavement services. A counselling service that offers support and help to people stuck in grief or not handling grief well for many reasons. You can go to your doctor and find out how you can be referred. OR You could SELF REFER depending on your age. Just phone them up and get some advice and take it from there. Next you need to talk to some Adult and let them know how you are feeling. Otherwise your grief will turn into depression and affect the rest of your life. My parents were children when they lost a parent each. They were not allowed to express how they felt and they internalised this. It is the start of many a dysfunctional family. It has its roots here. FIGHT if you have to TO BE HEARD.
TRY and TALK to your Mum and let her know how you are feeling. Don't allow your mum to be dismissive of your feelings. Let her know that you need to talk about your Nan and how you are feeling now, about not being able to go to the hospital to see her when she was dying. You were shut out and now you are miserable. Keep talking as much as you need to express all those feelings locked up inside. I was like you. I locked up everything inside and made myself ill. It is called REPRESSING MY FEELINGS. I had no one to talk to. As an adult it affected my life and I had to go into counselling in order to be helped. I have recovered from my grief growing up. It does work and life can get better for you. Otherwise if you don't get the help now it will be more compressed as you get older and limit your life. Keep writing back here for more support if you need this and also with updates. take care. Best wishes.

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