My Nana

by Rachel
(Ottawa, ON, Canada)

My Nana died April 18th, 2013, in hospital in Ireland. My dad had phoned me at 7am that morning to tell me she was going into a bit of organ failure. I hadn't talked to her in a while, but my mother had gone to visit her, so I had been getting updates that she was doing alright, and hopefully would be leaving the hospital soon. Alas it was not to be..5hrs after the phone call, I was told she was dead. I never got the chance to talk to her again, and now its too late. The last words I said were "see you this summer". I even missed the funeral because of a snowstorm, had my bags packed for the 8am flight and everything. I miss her so much, and haven't been able to get any sort of closure. Its really difficult. I miss her every day, and I know I'll carry the guilt for the rest of my life...its awful.

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May 23, 2013
My Nana
by: Doreen U.K.

Rachel I am sorry for your loss of your Nana. When I lived in Canada this is how I felt. What if someone dies and I have to travel and don't make it. We came back to England over 30yrs. ago. Best thing because I learned 4yrs. ago my husband developed a deadly cancer from working the last 40yrs. with a substance in the workplace that gave him cancer which was incurable, inoperable and terminal. He died 1yr. ago.
I know how you feel living far away, and not making it for the funeral. I live an hour away from where my mother lived and I didn't make it in time when she died 10yrs. ago. Death is like this. Some people manage to hang onto life till the very last person gets the chance to see their loved one before they die. Others are not so fortunate and like you are left with guilt, and all sorts of emotions that hurt grief more. You will only get closure from your feelings and emotions by accepting that in life death happens and doesn't always dictate everyone being able to be present. Lives are distraught for years over not talking or meeting with our loved ones before they die. But in reality they know nothing and it doesn't make a difference now. We need to be gentle with ourselves for the shortcomings and circumstances we find ourselves in. What is important is that you planned to be there and circumstances stopped you. You didn't act in an uncaring way. You cared enough. You will hurt for a long time as part of normal grief. But don't feel this way forever.

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