MY NICOLE

by Becky Broderick
(casper wy )

NICOLE SKINNER

NICOLE SKINNER

Don't know what to do with the pain, hurt and anger I feel right now. My daughter Nicole(Nikki) passed away April 22, 2009.

I don't know how to handle what I'm going through right now. I'm mad at the doctors who messed up, I'm scared for my son who was holding on to her while she was dying (he is 13) and I feel guilty for letting her talk me into going to work and not being there for her.

She was only 22 yrs old. I feel like my whole world is gone and I'm pushing everyone away from me and I feel like I'm going crazy. The hurt and I want to cry all the time, so I try not to deal with it by working alot and trying not to feel or think. I don't want to sleep. that is very bad for me right now.

Please if someone can say anything to help, please do.

Nikki my angel I love you.

Comments for MY NICOLE

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Nov 05, 2012
With you there...
by: Dee

I'm so very sorry Becky! Nikki is so beautiful! I am also going crazy and hiding from dealing yet breaking down several times a day. I don't know what to do anymore. If I could just go it would end my pain. My beautiful Kelly is gone. Feb. 15, 2011 at age 25. I have my other beautiful daughter here in pain so badly wanting her sister and best friend back. I'm here but not. I'm not me anymore. Can't sleep. Such deep sadness. When the dread hits, the deep dark sadness that she's really gone I keep thinking this is it I'm going to break. Wish I could offer you peace and hope but I have not found it so I don't know how to give that to you. I wish you didn't have to experience this. But I notice I wish alot. I am so very sorry!

Mar 16, 2012
i know how you feel
by: Anonymous

I lost my 19 year old daughter in jan 04, and am still a mess , me and my wife got a divorce after what happen, i want let anyone get close to me, i have never seen so much drama in ppl lives , am doing my best to stay drama free, i went out and brought me a Harley in 07 and thats about the only thing i get joy out of anymore, somedays i dont know what to do with myself... i feel everyones pain thats on here, ...Keith

Feb 04, 2012
my beautiful son rocky;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
by: pat

i lost my son in 2010. he was killed while working in a tree.he had his own tree service.i feel like i have nothing now. he was my best freind.i cant get over it.i miss him so bad.i lost my husband a year later.i feel so alone.i dont know what to do anymore.please somebody help me//thanks pat/

Jun 30, 2010
I too lost my daughter/best friend
by: Mary Beth

My precious daughter, Hope, died November 4th 2009. She left not only me, but her 2 yr old son. Hope and I were more than just mom and daughter. She was my constant companion and my best friend. We spent day and night together. I believe that once I told the hospital that she didn't have insurance they let her die. I wish I could go back and lie about it. Maybe it would have made a difference in her care.

I lost my daughter and now my grandson is living with his dad. I am so alone. The devastation and sadness swallows me every single day. I just don't see an end to this pain. I wish, more than anything, that I could change places with her. It still takes me by surprise several times a day that she is gone. I know she fought to stay alive. She would have never left her baby or me. Thank God I have my son.

Four months after I lost Hope my sister died. She was the only person that could pull me out of my sadness and despair because she too had lost a child and understood how I feel. Hope's dad and her weren't close at all and time and time again he put his own needs over hers and now he acts like they were on great terms and he screams and cries like he is in so much pain. I can't stand it and want to scream at him to shut up! It makes me so angry I don't know how much longer I will be able to bite my tongue.

Will I ever be a functioning person again? Will I ever not cry while grocery shopping because I see her favorite food? Will it ever be real to me? I'm so afraid to go to the places we went together because I know the memories will flood back and I will be inconsolable...again. Thanks for letting me share my story. I'm sorry we are all in this hell together, but its nice to know I'm not alone.

May 12, 2010
Words to help?
by: Another heartbroken Parent

I too lost my daughter, my only child, at 23 years old. Her name is Jennifer Nichole, and the reason she is gone is because the doctors didn't treat her because she didn't have health insurance. She died on january 23 2006 and I miss her so much, she was my best friend. I won't try to BS you with any "god" talk, my ex-wife (not Jenn's mom) told me it was "God trying to get my attention" when my Jenn died.

Jenn was 2 months pregnant and got the blood clotting disorder factor V. So many beautiful sons and daughters lost from bad health care, it makes me so angry when someone starts going on about their ideas about health care when they haven't lost a child. I wish with all my heart I had my daughter back, I miss her constantly.

You should be angry, I'm angry and every Doctor who screws up should know the kind of pain we feel. Your Nicole is so beautiful, I wish I could tell you when it gets easier to live with even thinking about it, but it's so personal and so deep.

The way I started coping with my daughter's (and unborn grandchild's) death is by trying to raise awareness of blood clotting disorders in women's healthcare/ob/gyn and pregnancy forums on the web- hoping that someone else's daughter might be saved because of what my daughter died from. Just to raise awareness of how tragic it can be, and that we need to advocate strongly for our loved ones to this medical system and not let the doctors treat them like a number.

My heart goes out to you, thank you for sharing your grief.

Jan 06, 2010
TO MARY
by: Becky

Mary,
Wish I knew how to get in touch with you...Hope you read this and to everyone else who has left me a message.

First THANK YOU.....Mary all I can say is let them grieve. No words really help. As a Mom I feel like I now have a big black hole in me. My daughter's birthday is Jan 11. And I know it's going to be hard. Let them cry and just be there...you don't even have to say anything, just be there. Hope it helps.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL
BECKY

Dec 26, 2009
trying to help my parents cope
by: Anonymous

Hello, my name is Mary. My sister died of a massive heart attack on december 11th 2009. I am here to see if I can help my mom cope with her loss; my sister was my best friend ever after the heart attack her house caught on fire and we could only identify her by her rings. Laura was my parents' first born, she was 45 and has twin boys who are 13. I am so sorry for your loss Mary in Illinois

Nov 09, 2009
TO NICOLE'S MOTHER, BECKY
by: A FRIEND

BLESS YOUR HEART NIKKI. I CAN FEEL YOUR HURT BY JUST READING YOUR STORY. WE ARE ALL SOULS WHO HAVE EXPERIENCED THE PAIN OF DEATH. BUT THEY SAY, GIVING UP A CHILD IS SO HEARTBREAKING. WHEN MY BROTHER PASSED AWAY AT 38 FROM A SUDDEN HEART ATTACK, MY MOM HURT SO BADLY. WE DID TOO, BUT FOR HER AND MY DAD, IT MUST HAVE BEEN SO PAINFUL. YOU WILL BE UNITED WITH YOUR DEAR DAUGHTER ONE DAY IF YOU TRUST IN GOD AND WALK WITH HIM. LET GOD HELP YOU CARRY YOUR HURT. DON'T TRY TO DO IT ALONE. LAY YOUR HEARTACHES AT HIS FEET AND REST A LITTLE WHILE. MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. BLESS YOUR HEART. MAY THE ANGEL OF PEACE SURROUND YOU WITH WARM LOVE AND PEACE.

Nov 09, 2009
Be Kind To Yourself
by: Anonymous

Dear Becky, I am so very sorry for the loss of your daughter. I have learned for myself there is no pain like that of losing a child - my 19-year-old son died Feb 2009.

After nine months of profound grief and not caring whether I lived or died, I am just beginning to feel a little "human" again.

I don't know that ignoring your grief and just keeping busy with work is the wisest choice. Grief is a journey - one needs to go through it; there is no way around it, as heartwrenching and painful as it is.

Please allow yourself to grieve, to cry, to scream, or whatever suits you as often as you need to and for as long as you need to.

Nearly every minute that I was not at my job, I cried, I sobbed, I begged, I wrote, I was sad, I was angry and I was anguished. I simply allowed myself to be whatever I was feeling at any given moment.

And now I am finding life again. I miss my son terribly. I'm still so incredibly sad and heartbroken. I will always love him and I will always miss him, but I am now finding hope that there is life after this tragedy.

I am so sorry, Becky. No words can take away the pain. Please allow yourself to grieve. Be kind and be gentle to yourself during this time and give yourself permission to just be.

Sincerely, Another Mother

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