My Ocean of Grief
by Sandy Springer
(Atoka, TN, USA)
I've done a lot of thinking these past five weeks. Trying to find a reason as to why my beloved Chris is gone. But I know I won't find an answer that will help me cope. Because there just isn't an answer that is good enough.
But I have decided that I'm living in an ocean of grief. A large, black, cold, bottomless ocean that is full of waves. And I survive by trying with all my might to stay afloat.
Some days, the ones that I call good days, I'm actually able to take a few strokes. I swim. I don't know if I'm headed towards land. But I'm moving, and that in itself is a huge accomplishment.
But before I know it, another wave hits me. Some I can handle. Others knock me back a ways. And then there are those that drag me under to the debths of dispair. Where it is so dark; so cold that I can't breath and I feel like giving up.
That is when I have to work the hardest just to get back to the surface, where once again I can breath. Then the cycle begins once again, and I use what little energy I have left just to stay afloat.
But I believe that as I strive to stay afloat I grow stronger. And each time I attempt to swim I swim a little further. Someday I will reach land again and I will stand tall with my feet on solid ground. But I will forever have been changed, by my time in my ocean of grief.