My older brother, my heart
My bother had a tough life. He was 9 yrs older. Two of his best friends committed suicide? He was a marine from 1968-1972. Came back addicted to heroin. In 1976 he decided he needed to kick his habit and did. His best friend that he would get high with died in the streets of HIV/AIDS. Thank god my brother quit. He worked really hard bought a condo in the mountains and life seemed good. Until 4 yrs ago. He lost his job, went through his 401k and savings and maxed his credit cards. On Feb 24, 2011 he shot himself on his deck. His friend went up to see him because he hadn't heard from him. He called me to see if he was at my house and instantly I knew he was gone. I told him to check the closets and then he looked outside and found my brother. After that everything is pretty much a blur. That day my heart died with him. He knew I would follow his last wishes and I did. I'm not sure how I did. I just miss him so much. We weren't close growing up but as I got older and had my own family, my adult boys adored him, we became very close and he always promised me he would never take his life because our older sister tried twice. My heart is still so broken. When I speak to him in my head I keep telling him he better start running now because when I see him again I'm going to knock the crap out of him. I don't think I will ever feel whole again. He did come to me in a dream and told me he was home. It gave me a sense of peace but the pain in my heart is gut wrenching. I miss you Gary and love you. I hope you are at peace now.