My older brother took his life at 37.
My older brother who just turned 37 hung himself in a self storage facility he rented to store his classic Chevy last year. He was my parents 2nd eldest child, I have an older sister and a younger sister as well. I'm the only son left now. It feels strange, my brother was 7 years older than me and 8 years older than my younger sister and 2 years younger to my eldest sister and now he is gone.
My mother keeps a strong front for her grandchildren though I can tell she has been crying over her loss even though it's been a year. My father is there to comfort my sisters and mom, though blames himself for being too hard on my brother all his life and never on the rest of us.
My brother grew up with ADD (attention deficit disorder)and the rest of us three went on to be honor students and went to good schools like our father did, who is a retired Doctor. My brother struggled through grammar and high school though a genius in mathematics. Despite his uphill challenges he later enrolled in community college at 25 and transferred to our state University with a degree in Business. He got a job with a well known company and was praised for his work ethic and kindness.
He never married, due to he felt he was not tall or looked like me. He called himself the ugly duckling and avoided family get togethers. He would always say "Mom and Dad have you as their prince and our sisters as there princesses and I am just the fool". My father didn't make things easier for my brother either, but I am not blaming him at all for what happened. My dad dealt with my brother with a belt though never laid a hand on the rest of us other children.
My brother never showed signs of suicide, he took pride in his 1969 Chevy he fixed up from high school.
My daughter and my older sisters son and daughter adored their Uncle and he loved them very much. My younger sister's soon to be born son will never get to meet his Uncle either. I never cried at the funeral service or when I heard the news when he left us. It's been a year now and my 5 year old daughter still cries when she hears a certain Beach Boys song (my brother idolized the Beach Boys). My wife gets emotional due to she grew up an only child and was very close to my brother as her own big brother.
I cried for the first time last week. I decided to go for a walk and noticed a young couple driving an old 1969 chevy Impala like my brothers (my brother's friend took possession of his '69 out of state). I asked about it, and told them my late brother owned one similar.
As they drove off I sat down on the park bench and I started bawling. People walking stopped to see if I was okay and I told them I was fine though just needed a moment. I found this link and could not sleep and wanted to share my families loss along with others, you are not alone to grieve. Sorry for the long story, and thank you for your time.