My oldest brother commited suiside

by Kathleen

I thought things were finally going to be alright. My dad had a job again, our previous house that had caught fire was finally sold, and now we could move out of the rat hole of a rental house into a real one... My dad, brother Micah and i came home after cleaning up the new house. As a gift he told me about the candy he found on sale and told us we could go to his closet and get it. well, me and Micah went into his room and i didn't know what happened at first. Thomas was lying against the bed. we tried to get his attention, then we was the bullet hole in his chest, and the gun on the bed... the only thing i could think was "God please let him live" even though in my heart i knew he was dead.

He had depression a long time and sometimes made me annoyed but he was the only one i knew who really loved me. I can't stop thinking about him every night and how much i miss him.

It was May 1, 2012
he was 26
i'm 13
I love him so much

Comments for My oldest brother commited suiside

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Aug 12, 2012
Be Strong
by: Anonymous

Hi My name is Tracey and i have also lost my brother to suicide just 8 wks ago and i know how much pain and sadness you are feeling.It was a massive shock and so out of character that i really cant believe it or may be dont want to .i can only say that your brother would want you to get on with your life and make him proud as im sure you will . Remember all the happy times you had together and all the times that he annoyed you because thats what brother were meant to do annoy their sisters. Be strong .

Aug 01, 2012
My oldest brother committed suicide
by: Doreen U.K.

Kathleen I am sorry for your loss of your Elder Brother Thomas to Suicide. You are a very mature and articulate girl to know so much of your family problems and try to put this into some sort of perspective. It is sad that you seem to be bearing the whole grief all by yourself. Are you able to talk to your father about how you feel? Are there any other family members you can trust to support you e.g. aunties, cousins, grandparents, perhaps mother? You were in a very lonely place before Thomas's death and your lonliness is worse through the loss of Thomas. You would benefit from seeing a grief counsellor, or school counsellor who could set this up for you. It is something you need to consider as this is a heavy load to carry on young shoulders. Grief is painfull. It is a long process. It is a heavy burden for a child to bear. Which is why a counsellor would be the best person to support you. Often in families everyone is wrapped up in their own grief that the little people get left out and left all alone.
Depresssion is a scourge of an illness. I had it for years and also tried to end my life. But I had the right counsellor and so I made it in life and become a stronger person and able to support others in pain. My sister's son was 30. he suffered depression and he committed suicide so I know the pain in the family that suicide causes. My sister had to see a grief counsellor. That is how she recovered. Her pain is less. She is a good support to other people who have lost someone to death. Kathleen with the correct support YOU ALSO CAN COME THROUGH THIS PAIN OF LOSING THOMAS. In time. Don't suffer alone. Otherwise your pain could last for years and limit your life and moving forward to becomeing the happy person you should be. I hope that the days ahead will be better for you now you have shared how you feel and what is going on in your life. You need to now take the second step for YOU. You will smile again. You will be happy. You will be loved by other people. You can go on to become the person you were meant to be.

Jul 31, 2012
I am so sorry
by: Rosa

I am so so sorry for your loss. Its times like this that people are truly lost for words simply because it was not just a regular death but a suicide. That makes this death so sad so my heart goes out to you. I feel your sadness in your words and it sounds like you were very close to your brother because you say he is the only one who really loved you. I'm sure the rest of your family also loves you deeply but the important thing in this is that you felt that special love from your brother. I had a son who was shot and he died and it was very hard for me to get through that but my faith in God has helped me a great deal and I am at peace with his death now. I still hurt for his loss and I still cry from time to time but God is healing me. Your brothers death and my sons death were harsh ways of dying and hard to deal with but I would say to you, don't give in to the constant memory of how your brother died, instead start to remember the good times that you shared with him. I know you said that he was depressed alot and I have found out from alot of people who knew my son that he too was depressed but even so there was still alot of good memories that I hold onto and try to not remember the horrible memory of how he died. I will be praying for you, that God help you also to heal. You will be in my heart and in my prayers and I will always remember you because your brother died in the same month that my son died only it was in 2011 and he too died from a gun shot. Allow God to heal you as He has done to me and believe in your heart that one day you will see your brother again.

Jul 31, 2012
the path
by: Zoe

Oh sweetie you are so young to have to deal with this.

You know your brother loves you, yes I said loves, because that kind of thing never ends. You are the best memorial he has, your love for him the way you make choices with him in mind guiding you.
People sometimes cannot see a way out. And with suicide, the picture in there head is so overwhelming that they drown in their own darkness. In their minds they are not doing harm, they are saving those around them from their darkness. I know you may not understand completely, but you will someday.

It is ok to grieve, you need to take time and get used to this idea. Some people especially with suicide's think the grief should be different, but it isn't. Find where you can heal the best, on here in a group perhaps a person at your school. Find where you will be safe and able to start being the best example of your brother's legacy.

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