My One and Only.

My husband died on 22nd Aug 2008. Every now and again I give in to my emotions and I find myself crying. It might be difficult to understand that I loved him very much,but he put me through hell emotionally.
He was an alcoholic who refused to stop drinking.
Towards the end, he would have died quicker if he had stopped because he would have gone into shock.
He never knew that he was dying for his last 2 years,but I did,
He never knew that he had Korsakoff syndrome, but I did. When I went into hospital with breast cancer, I still worried that he would be alright with the home helps. Eventually when I got home, he died 10 days later.

So every now and then, when I feel down, I cry.
I know that he loved me very much but towards the end, he had brain damage.
We were together for 30 years.
I am in good health and have a good job, nice people to work beside,I am grateful for the life I have now,but my heart was broken and I dont think that it will mend for a long time.

Comments for My One and Only.

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Jul 28, 2013
twin sister
by: Anonymous

I lost my twin sister a year a 6 months I miss her every day I still don't know what to do or how to feel without her all I know is that there is not a day that goes bye without me crying and asking her why she left me

Sep 23, 2011
Life and death 101
by: Mari

As I read the post by HH I realize in this life we are just passing through. There are many heartaches to go through and losses of loved ones.Yesterday was 1 year and 10 months since my husband went to be with the Lord. It is still difficult altho I have come a long way with God's help.I imagine my birthday on Nov 20th will be a mixed blessing as my husband had plans but was too sick. My daughter had a cake for me and it had bumble bees on it and was so cute. I cut a small piece for my husband and went home to be with him. I made sure he got the piece of cake with a bumble bee on it. It was the cutest cake ever.
Someone told me, a tenant, that I was blessed because God gave me a huge amount of grandchildren and and the great grandaughter plus still having my mom and dad who are 84 nd 85 yrs old. So I try to remember that I am blessed and God also have me a husband who adored me and wanted me to have everything my heart desired.That man denied me nothing. My computer crashed recently and my dad called from Washington State and said a ck was on the way for a new one because,he said,''We have to take care of you.'' I am 66 yrs old and they still want to take care of me.
That is how God is. He wants to take care of us so sends people to bring comfort. We have to go through the grieving process but we are not alone.I can laugh again too. Recently I watched the greatgrandaughter crawl with the speed of lightening and I laughed so hard.
We are going to make it. It will never be the same but as HH says we learn just who we are.We have had to change and be in control. It isn't easy. Plus men can be a pain to take care of but I made sure I took care of him.And the day will will come that we will meet again on the crystal shore.

Sep 21, 2011
Life and Death 101
by: Anonymous

This site is the salve that heals the grieving soul. Come here often and read others grief journeys. Though different and unique as is the way that we deal with grief, there is a common bond here and with the approximate grief time period it is as if you grow and learn from everyone during the first year marks, heading towards the 2nd year etc. Mari for example went through grief about the same time as me. The fact that she was Nov. and Me Dec someone else Jan. makes little difference. We struggle and fight our way through grief and it seems impossible, but we take it day by day and one day, we notice that we are smiling. Not one of the pasted smiles that we wore for the first 6-8 months but a genuine one.

And as time progresses we learn about ourselves all over again as in puberty. Lost and confused hurt and bruised we have come along way. And though we will ALWAYS Miss our Loves, we redefine who we are and have a strength that we never had before.

Even when we cared for our spouses while they were sick we wouldn't have it any other way. But as you say half the battle was getting them to take care of themselves...Men, gotta Love em gotta miss em.

Grief brings about a self awareness of yourself that perhaps we would not have sought out if not forced upon us. This New Life, New Normal has many challenges and you Will surprise yourself what you can do, when we all started out barely able to get out of bed in the morning. My Best to you and all here.

Sep 21, 2011
My one and only
by: Mari

I am very sorry for your loss. I know the hurt you must be feeling and how your husband suffered with health problems. It hurts so much to think about these things. I realize we try to help them but when they are sick it can be very difficult emotionally and otherwise. Rely on God's help day by day. No doubt he loved you very much and maybe the drinking was caused by his knowing he was very sick. It must be a helpless feeling.
You have come to the right place. Everyone is caring on this board. We have all suffered losses. The grieving process is so different for all of us.
I lost my husband Nov 22nt 2009. He was not an easy person to take care of as he refused to go to the doctor for a long time. He also did not want to check his sugar and would get confused with all the meds, getting angry when I tried to help sort them out for him. I got him to go to my doctor but 2 days later he had a heart attack and had stents put in his heart at the heart hosp. He told me to make plans for my birthday which is Nov 20th but he was too sick. He passed away 2 days later on the 22nt. In the morning I could not wake him up. It was terrible. The police who came to the house were just wonderful, making calls for me and comforting.
I still have sad moments, plenty of them. I find it easier to remember the nice things he said and did, not the last night he lived. The grandchildren miss him and he missed out on the the great grandaughter who is 8 months old. He adored the grandchildren. I know he loved me. I made alot of changes here and the house looks pretty. I got a different part time job and work here on the complex as assistant manager. But I miss him. We need to take things a day at a time. God is always with us. I feel that one day we will find ourselves feeling much better. Take care. Keep posting. We are here for you.

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