MY ONE IN A MILLION JOHN
I had met my husband John 34 years ago, and it was just magic the minute our eyes met. We had a great life, two beautiful children were born to us. But in 1988 our daughter Sharon, who was then 7, died after going into diabetic coma as a result of chicken pox. Back then 1/2 of the marriages seemed to end in divorce, but we worked on it and came thru it.
In June of 2004 John and our son Tim were in a very bad accident, and neither were expected to live. I prayed harder then I ever prayed in my life and both survived. Our son is fine now, has some metal in his legs but doesn't stop him from living a normal life. But dear John received some brain injury as a result, and he was never the same man I married. He had a temper, could be very mean in what he said, but then minutes later could be more like his old self. Life was not easy, but I was so thankful that he survived.
On a Friday, November 19, 2010 my husband was in a great mood. I was at work, he was not able to work after his accident. We spoke several times, the last one at 11:30 a.m., when I called to say I would be home for lunch a little later.
At 1:24 p.m. I pulled in the driveway, and something seemed different. We have stray cats that we feed, and none of them came running up to the car. We have a small dog that normally barks like crazy when I come home, but not a peep out of him either.
When I walked into the bedroom, there he was on the floor, face down, but warm. I dropped everything and screamed and yelled at him to wake up. I called 911 and they got me to turn him over, and that took a while as he was quite big. Our firehouse is a few minutes from our house and they were there and took over, but told me he had been gone awhile already, he was only still warm due to his size.....I can't talk anymore about this day right now.
I cannot believe that he is gone...my house is so quiet...the first few nights I was so scared to be alone. Our cats did not come home the first day, and my dog was almost glued to my side. As people starting arriving from out of town it started to hit me that he was really gone. But then after a month I realized I had been in shock the whole time, all the sudden I was filled with such emptiness and so many tears that I realized it was just now that I am accepting the fact he is gone.
What does the future hold, I don't know. I just am having a hard time grieving for the John after the accident, I find myself grieving for the husband that did not have the brain injury if that makes sense. I feel guilty not missing the temper and the meanness of the John that just died.
I know I am babbling, just so confused still of what has just happened. Hopefully I read this after a month or so and see that perhaps more will make sense to me then.
I just know I miss him, I miss the mess in the kitchen in the morning, the loudness of the TV, the constant telephone calls that I received from him because he did not like not talking to anybody during the day while I was working. I guess I even miss his temper because it was an emotion, now there is nothing but silence and I hate it!