My only child died 11/19/2011.

by Toni Sasso
(Jupiter, Florida)

Anthony and Mom

Anthony and Mom

My life will never be the same since you died.
I wish you could have stayed longer with me,
Although we are apart,
Your are Always in My Heart.
I dream of a joyful time when
we will be reunited once again.
Thoughts of you make me smile.
You will always be My Forever Child.

Anthony was 46 years when he died. The medical examiner's report is still pending. He was a good son, husband and friend. I used to be afraid of dying but now I welcome it. Nothing in my life will ever be the same.

Comments for My only child died 11/19/2011.

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Feb 27, 2014
Appreciate your concern
by: Mary Gerada

Thanks for your concern. If all the world forgets our child we mum never will - they are encrypted in our hearts.They were and are still loved and Love never dies but transcends to eternity. May the Lord bless us all mothers who lost their children and give us strength and comfort. Mary

Feb 06, 2014
My only child died 11/19/2011
by: Toni

Hi Mary, Sorry to hear about your daughter. I know how you are feeling. I have so much guilt and sadness that just won't go away. I'm fearful that people will forget my son. I keep bringing his name up during family gatherings. After over two years I can finally (almost) speak his name without crying. Please take care of yourself and soon we will be with our children.

Feb 04, 2014
I can fully understand your pain
by: Mary Gerada

It's been almost 10 years since I lost my only daughter Karen, who was 16 and believe me life has lost it's joy for me. Thought I try my best to carry on yet it's as if at times I am paralysed. The pain is so deep that it really touches not only the heart by I dare say deep into the soul, and I cannot but sympathize with you especially as you must have been very close as you raised Anthony practically yourself. Since my daughter died I just don't understand the medical world any more. We go to hospital to get better and get worse and die. My daughter caught MRSA after being operated and I still literally feel pain in my heart when I recall the pain she went trough unjustly. I put up a website in her memory as I can never accept the injustice (). In prayer I find comfort, and am sure that our precious children are joyful in The Father's embrace until we meet again. With love and deep understanding, Mary

Jan 11, 2013
It is one of the most hardest things
by: Anonymous

Thank you Toni for this website...when I'm reading the posts, I can relate to everything that is being written, because even the very words that are being used cannot describe the real pain, hurt, brokenness. It is almost two years that we've lost our only child/son...just last night I still woke up crying...I'm still numb...just this morning I texted my husband (sitting next to me) saying 'nothing has changed for me ..'
With this post, I am sending a big cuddle (1 minute cuddle like the ones I got from my son), to each one of you. Our sons and daughters are indeed angels in God's Kingdom...I pray that 2013 will bring peace and understanding, and that the pain will somehow ease.
Much love...

Jan 10, 2013
My precious son
by: Anonymous

I lost my only child, the love of my life and reason for being, my 27 year old beautiful son, unexpectedly, 2 weeks ago tonight. the paramedics said he suffered a heart attack but we have not gotten the final report back yet. we all just had a beautiful christmas together and for that i am truly grateful. truly. it is just the pain is so unbearable i just want to scream and never stop. i truly know now what it feels like to have a broken heart and somehow still try to live and breathe. i feel like i am not even here on earth like i am floating through space or something. it is so so hard to accept this even after the funeral and everything. i just feel numb and i just dont care about anything. i cant imagine going back to work and trying to function but i know i have to do it. I know my baby is an angel of God now watching over us and he is with my dad and his other grandparents and his aunts and uncles in Heaven and that is the only way I can begin to have some peace with this but oh my God I miss my baby so much and I cannot believe I am not going to hear him say Hey Ma to me ever again and that I wont be able to feel his great big hug and hear him laughing or making us laugh. i dont even want anyone to ask me any questions about him because i dont think they really care i just think they are being nosey but i know they are only doing what they think is right and it is hard to know what to say. i know this.but it is hard

Jan 06, 2013
Pain never goes away
by: Toni

I still wake up every day in tears, wondering what I could have done better as a mother. There were some years where I could have used my ex husband's help in raising a teenage boy/man but he left for Florida with his new family when Anthony was 9 years old. I miss Anthony more as time goes by, I'll nver hear his voice again. Love to all the mothers and fathers that lost children.

Jan 05, 2013
My only daughter
by: Michael Notton

I lost my 17 year old daughter on 28 November 2010 she was a passenger the car hit a tree well just to say she was my life the pain is unbearable I mean terrible been to hell still in he'll now would not wish it on anyone so called friends don't want to know me now stuff em anyway you know who your friends are when you need em nobody understands unless you lose a child yourself people don't care anymore not a caring world I am finished without my baby tried but carnt do it to hard wish I could go to sleep and not wake up I am from blackpool to all people who lose a child so sorry I know the pain disgusting pain it is

Nov 28, 2012
my best friend/on is gone
by: sabine

my Only was taken from me on July 12,12.
Dominic was 30 years old and was on his way to work ( 911 dispatch) on his motorcycle and a illegal, 2x convicted drunk driver cut him off and he died instantly.
He was my housemate ( after his dad and I divorced 10 years ago) and we were best friends, riding buddies ( I have my own mc) and each others support system. We were never apart longer than 3 weeks. Our relationship was truly special and we did many things together, but also keeping our individuality and space.
he has so many friends and they are a great support system to me.
I went to counseling and bereavement groups.
however I am so lost and even though on the outside seem to come along well, I am torn to pieces inside and the hurt is unbearable.
thanks for letting me vent

Nov 26, 2012
One year anniversary
by: Toni

Over 30 people came to Mass on 11/19/12. The Mass was held at St Ann's Church in Staten Island NY with a brunch at Lee's Tavern (my son's favorite Pizza pizza place) I was very happy so many people were able to join Liz (wife) and I since Staten Islander's are still cleaning up after Sandy. Anthony's best friend Richie spoke about him, his great personality and his kindness, which made me proud & happy. The first few months after Anthony died I really wanted to die. My daughter in law keeps reminding me Anthony would be so sad to see us unhappy. This poem says it all:

If you think of me as gone forever,
I will be.
If you think of me as sadness and tears,
I will be.
If you think of me as your broken heart,
I will be.
That's not what I want to be, but I will be.
If you think of me as memories to cherish,
I will be.
If you think of me as laughter and joy,
I will be. If you think of me as your healing heart, I will be.
That's what I want to be, please let me be.

Nov 25, 2012
My Loving son
by: Anonymous

I lost my 34 year old son almost two years ago. He was my only child, my champion, and my best friend. The night he died I was so grief stricken, I walked outside in the yard half the night while my husband sat looking at me on the porch. I spoke out loud to the stars trying to pick the brightest one out as my son. While I was pointing and saying that I had found my Mark's star, a bright shooting star came across the sky directly in front of me. Mark's message was that he wasn't a stationary star in the sky, he was moving, traveling, and vibrant in the heavens. I still miss him; I still hurt; I still think of him every day, but some how I know he is happier than I can imagine. I know he is with God. I want him to be the first face I see when I die. He is with me everyday.

Nov 23, 2012
by: Anonymous

I lost my only child 6 days ago. For 6 days I watched him die. I feel like I have no reason to live. I pray everyday that God will take me too. I can't have anymore children.
I've always looked forward to being a Grandma. Now I have no hope. I loved him sooooo much. now everything is gone.
I don't want to do this anymore. I won't kill myself but I don't want to live.

Oct 06, 2012
Only son/child died 22/02/11
by: Anonymous

I don't even have words in my vocabulary to describe the pain of losing an only child. I have lost both my parents, two brothers and a sister-in-law, all whom I loved so dearly, but nothing ever prepared me for this. I fully agree with the previous anonymous one can tell anyone how to grieve or even give advice, because you will just have no idea, because each person is unique, each person's child was unique, and the relationship between those two individuals were also unique. We can just be there for one another, listen and encourage. Just this afternoon I thought, even the fact that our boy is with The Lord, and even the fact that we have faith and God is walking us through this most painful journey, the pain, the hurt is still so shocks my heart in pieces all over again when my mind becomes quiet....not busy with work.
He passed away when he was 24 years old. He was our everything (besides our Lord)...our lives, decisions, our time centred around him. He was a most lovely person . . .an encourager, respectful, loving, prayer warrior...he loved God and some of the things he said when he came out of the coma were: 'Mum pray...pray a lot' and ''now its all for God!" and "Mum, I need a new Bible." 5 days later he passed away. Just like that!
Our lives are a split second I have no more motherly things to do...we randomly texted or called daily...would meet so often for lunch calls to pray about something... Now there's just nothing.
God gave me one person whom I can talk to...even if it is the same thing I've spoken about before. An ear who is willing just to listen, because on a daily basis God gives us's just the pain, the missing of a most precious gift God gave us to raise for His Kingdom.
Although we have quite a few songs he wrote and sang, video clips, I miss hearing his voice, his laughter, his everything...
I just told God today that it is tough, really, really tough...
'But I give you Jesus....the author and perfect or of our faith...

Sep 18, 2012
I lost My only child at 14yrs
by: Indira

I lost my son on 23/08/2012. He was my only child and I love him so much. He was so handsome.I feel so empty.His name was Kyle he was only fourteen. My life has no joy anymore. I don't know how to live without him. I am just praying that I will see him again someday.

Aug 25, 2012
a great loss
by: Anonymous

I thank all of you for sharing. Only a parent who has lost an only child can understand the depth of loss and heartache that comes with losing their only child. Almost two years later I am still in shock that my son is gone. I know my son is with the Lord and is safe, but I miss him so much. He was my favorite person and the best part of my life. My only great accomplishment in life was having him as my child. Every thing else pails in comparison. I was so proud of him. He was 24 when he died. Others seem to think after a year or so you should be over the loss, as if 24 years of your life can be erased. My entire identity is vague and I am not sure who I am anymore. When you lose a parent you lose your past. When you lose a child you lose your future. Both of my parents are gone and now my only child is gone. I welcome death so I can be with those I love. I am not suicidal, only because that is offensive to my Lord, Jesus. Rather, I bide my time until my death so I can be with those I love. My greatest desire is to see my son again. I know I will spend eternity with him and that is my only comfort. The greatest insult is from those who diminish my loss by not wanting to talk about my son. There are few people that I am comfortable being around. Most people want to pretend my son never existed and expect me to move on with life. I would rather be alone than try to live up to their expectations. I do not allow anyone to give me advise on how to grieve for the loss of my child, and I cannot give advise to anyone else on the process of grieving. For each person it is a very personal and individual process. Oddly enough, it is those who have not experienced this great of a loss to want to give advise on how to handle the grief. My advise is to ignore them. Our culture is the United States is to be happy and enjoy life and don't think about bad experiences. That only works until you have to deal with the real issues in life. God bless all that have had to deal with this great of a loss.

Aug 23, 2012
In Her Eyes
by: Day

I am writing to honor my only daughter Krystine. She was taken by a drunk driver on 7/11/11. The driver is still on the run but, my life is on hold. I do not know how to cope with such intense agonny. She was 20 years. I shared by body with her for 9 months and our lives were one for 20 years. She was sweet, intelligent, witty, and beautiful. She had a beautiful daughter named Gyselle Geannette whom she she shared her body with for 8 months and held her in her arms for 8 months before going to meet the Lord Jesus Christ. I can understand the pain that everyone here talks about and how NO ONE that hasn't gone through this walk can begin to feel. I pray that the peace of Jesus that surpasses all understanding comes to me and everyone on this painful, lonely road called "Lost on Child".

Aug 14, 2012
My only child....
by: Michaels Mom

I'm so glad I found this site, been wanting to hear more about parents that have lost their only child. First of all, so sorry! Difficult journey to say the least. I too miss my only child, my Son who passed away 7.11.10. My life sucks, a lot of what some of you say are so true for me too. Thank god validation that I'm not going crazy. My life is empty and lonely, my heart hurts a lot. I will speak breath my son's name till the day I die, forever in my heart Michael ♥

Aug 05, 2012
Heather loss of daughter Amber
by: Toni

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's 8 months since my son died but it seems like yesterday. In the begininng I was in shock. I still cry everyday. No one understands a mother's feeling of sadness and guilt. I should have been there for him, I was always able to protect him from harm. I'm in the anger stage right now, wondering how both a hospital and several doctors failed to diagnose my son had an enlarged heart? I pretend everything is OK but I really don't care about myself and other people.

Aug 05, 2012
Amber 12 years old
by: Heather

I lost my 12 year old daughter on May 19th 2012. My life has changed forever. She was away on a camping trip with her friend and family. She wasn't being supervised when an Atv she was driving( wasn't supposed to be driving) I asked the parents not to let her drive. The atv tipped over and pinned her, no one was there to lift the machine off her, she succomed to her injuries. I am empty, in a daze, I feel I am stuck in time, frozen, she was so bubbly, energetic, her presence always felt in a room. She brought so many joy. She loved life, told me it was a gift and to to live it to the fullest. I would often tell her, when I grow up, I want to be just like life will never be the same, she was my only daughter. We did everything together. She told me 2 weeks before she passed that I wasn't supposed to die before her. She was adamant too. We lost an angel- heaven gained one.

Jul 02, 2012
Life goes on
by: Toni

I always bought my son tee shirts while on vacation. I recently went to Europe (my first trip there) and cried everytime I saw a tee shirt I knew he would have liked. Miss him so much. Life goes on but the pain still exists.

Jul 02, 2012
my Daize
by: Christina

I'am so sorry to all the parents in this world who have to deal with great pain. I lost my only child Daize. Daize was 16 and took her life. I found her. Daize was my best freind. Daize left this world June 22, 2011. I cry all day ....everyday. Love you Daize and thank you God for faith and strengh. Thank you "Survivors of Suicide " group in Tempe, Az.

Jun 18, 2012

I sm so sorry for your loss. I have read all the comments and I am crying now. I lost my only child in 3rd May 2005. After seven long years still I am crying . The pain is unbearable. I do not know whether I can cope this huge pain any more or not.

May 24, 2012
My Only Son
by: Anonymous

I too lost my Only Son. I have other children but he was my Only Boy. Brett was my heart.. I miss His conversation. His silly laugh. I Miss His Hugs more than anything. Its been a little over 2 years. May 15th 2010 was the tragic day. Brett was a SGT. in the United States Army. 2 Deployments to Iraq. Infantry. Front lines, blown up twice. Was out and home for 3 months. Laid down and passed in his sleep at 23 years old. I get up and cry all hours of the night for Him. I dont think I ever really sleep anymore. I am sorry Any Mother or Parent knows this horrible Exile it seems to be after the loss of Our Children. I do find Moments of Joy. Fleeting Moments but I do. But I Cry...I Cry..Always for the Sadness and Void Brett left when he went to Heaven..God Bless You All..

May 12, 2012
Y only child died 08/04/11
by: Anonymous

I lost my son josh from a car accident, I miss him so much.He was just 18 years old. I am so lonely.

Apr 15, 2012
by: Cecelia D

I lost my precious son Michael on January 24 2012. He died instantly in a car accident. He was an amazing person. His smile lit up the room. The outpouring of grief at his wake was a tribute to his life. He was a loving son, a tender boyfriend, a beloved nephew and cousin and friend to so many. He was a respected attorney. He died doing what he loved. He loved his New York Giants. He had gone to see them play the 49ers in California. Spent the weekend with his cousins and their children. Went to the game with his cousin and was sky high with their win. He took the red eye home and was heading home to change for court. He never made it. It is thought he feel asleep at the wheel and crashed head on into a building. He died instantly.We will never be the same. You see he was our miracle child. He came to us as a suprise.
I had hysterectomy due to complication when I was just 34. He was our world. He made us so proud. He was so happy. He finally found a girl he loved. He had a good job He was the happiest I had ever seen him. There is no , just a life.that will forver be empty.

Jan 16, 2012
Hang in there!
by: Anonymous

My dear friend,

I lost my son of 37 years old to suicide. He was a famous dentist. It is almost 7 months but I am suffering very badly. The only thing helps me is prayers and the thought that I will join him when I die and stay with him for ever. I was afraid like you to die and wanted to live long time. But now I wish to go any moment and welcome death and not afraid at all. Because I know the fact that he is waiting for me. I talk to him by thoughts and he answers me back. I really know how you feel. God is helping us to cope with this huge huge pain and sorrow.

Your friend

Dec 16, 2011
Losing an only son....
by: Ruth

I too have lost my only child, my son, Michael on June 4 2011. The grief journey is an amazing experience, first it seemed that I would simply die from the grief. Then I thought I was going crazy. Now I learn to live with this heart ache. We will never be the same, we are forever changed. How could we not be? I know that losing any child whether it is your only or one of many is just horrible. I hope our children have maybe found each other in the afterlife and maybe friends. Rooting us on to continue and know that they are for us. I just wish I could call him and see how he is doing. Cause its the talking to him that I miss the most. I loved his take and opinion on life. The world is so much more duller without his laugh and love. God Bless you all.

Dec 16, 2011
Troy 35 years old
by: Reno,Nv

I lost my only son on 11/18/2011
My life will never be the same.
i know he is with the lord Jesus.
He is happy now.I can rememder one time
we talked about death, Troy told me, that he could not handle it, If I went before him. One day we will be together again.
Mom from Nevada

Dec 16, 2011
Re: My only child died 11/19/2011
by: Toni

Thank you all for your sincere condolences. I did find a local chapter of the Compassionate Friends in my area. It's going to be a sad Christmas.

Dec 16, 2011
our beautiful children
by: Anonymous

I understand your grief. I lost my 23 year old son 16 months ago to leukemia. I commented to a co-worker yesterday that the passage of time doesn't concern me because it meant I was one day closer to Heaven and joining my son. She was horrified and thought I was talking about ending my life. I set her straight....Sending lots of hugs to you. I recommend The Compassionate Friends meetings if you have a group near you.

Dec 15, 2011
A candle
by: Cindy

I am here beside you.
I light a candle in the the dark so you can see that I walk this path with you. It is such a hard journey. I too have lost my only child on March 21st of this year. Dylan was 27 years old. His appendix ruptured and he was gone. I want you to know that you are not alone with this pain. I know it, and I know how profound it is. There is none like it. I grieve for the loss of your darling Anthony. He looks to me like he is a gentle soul, so is my Dylan.
I understand when you say you no longer fear death and that you welcome it. I feel that way too, for I know that my son is there just beyond the shadows to gather me in his arms and lead me to paradise. I want to tell you that although our lives are different now, we must not let them become mundane and bitter. God has left us here to continue our lives and honor our children by showing the world what a miracle of strength and love the human heart truly is.
Reach out, give back, speak often of Anthony, and remember that your life is so much richer because he lived.

Love Always, Cindy

Dec 15, 2011
our sons
by: kay

Firstly I am so sorry for the loss of your son.Only a parent can understand the pain and neverending heartache that engulfs you when you lose a child no matter what age.I lost my only son Dean last year in a car accident he was heart still aches so badly but at the same time it is so full of love for Dean.I too welcome death when it comes to me so I can join my wonderful son.Our children live on in our aching hearts for eternity.I wish you love and healing.

Dec 14, 2011
Mother's Love
by: TrishJ

I'm so sorry for your loss. Everyone here on this web site has experienced some type of heart wrenching, life changing loss.
You must feel so disconnected from life to lose your only child. The pain has to be overwhelming.
This is a good place to come and write your feelings. We are all good listeners because we all grieve for a lost love.
God bless you as you travel through this awful grief journey. All we can do is try our best.

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