My only sibling

My only brother who was 46 when he was killed/died/suicide??? Coroners report was inconclusive! It's been nearly 17 months since I lost my little brother, I miss him so much. People keep on telling me I'll "Get over it!" Erm!! I don't think so! I cry everyday, not a minute goes by that I don't think of him. I still cannot except it, that he'll never ring me again, never just pop in to say hello. I visit his grave every week & just sit and cry, I just hate the fact that he's in the ground right there! I had no say in whether he should be buried or cremated, my Mum & Dad made that decision for him as there wasn't a will. As for his estranged daughter....who never saw him for years....turns up at the funeral...few days later she wants to destroy my life!! Taking everything & every penny she could get her hands on, shortly after this my brother would have been a Grandad, & again this month! I feel so bitter towards his daughter for what she's done, now she's got all she wants from my brothers life we have had no contact at all from her, not that it worries me, Iv'e only ever seen her a dozen times in 27 years, so no love lost there. Is there anyone who could help me get my head around this, I'm so deeply depressed I don't know who to trust anymore.

Comments for My only sibling

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May 02, 2013
My only sibling
by: Doreen U.K.

This is so sad that you lost your only sibling. I am so sorry for your loss. You must feel lost at the moment and can't understand why your feelings have been left out, and you didn't have a say in whether your brother was buried or cremated. Burial and cremation are big sore points when the families don't agree. I have had a battle here which has been destructive but too long to relay here. This is about YOU. and how you can move forward.
Age has a lot to do with parent's taking control over issues of burial and cremation. You may feel angry over this. You can either discuss your feelings with your parent's or you could go and try to resolve your hurt with a grief counsellor? You have to decide if your parents would understand and respect your feelings. if not. go and see a counsellor who will be impartial and give you the time, space, and respect you need to talk and explore areas that need to be resolved.
As for your brother's daughter. It seems like she may have felt entitled to things she took because they belonged to her dad. BUT. You have a responsibility to yourself to be ASSERTIVE and to not allow anyone to do this to you by being DISRESPECTUL, BEHAVING HOW THEY WANT. CHARGING IN AND TAKING CONTROL. She does this because she knows she can get away with it. Perhaps there are no BOUDARIES. You need to establish some BOUNDARIES. About what you will and won't accept. You need to state this clearly. You will soon find that by being challenged you will get the respect you need and the other people in your life will know where they stand. Counselling can help you develop the skills you need to be ASSERTIVE. Your brother's daughter will have been aware that there are weaknesses in the family dynamics where the CONTROL ISSUES are not DEFINED. This is why she is taking CONTROL. and just doing what she wants. It is actually very cruel for someone e.g. your parents to not put her right. But I am aware of society today being so unruly that children think they rule the roost and want to take charge and cause mayhem and havoc for the family. Employ TOUGH LOVE. SET BOUNDARIES. You will soon see things change and you will start to feel more comfortable.
Counselling will help with your depression. To do nothing it will get worse. You can get over this grief with the right support. Best wishes.

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