My Only True Love Who Lived a False Life

by Terrie
(Orange Park, FL)

After more than 20 years apart, I couldn't fathom why I was still affixed on my first love. As of last September, memories of him and my longings for him surfaced. But he was married with his own family, and we hadn't been in touch for years. Curiosity got the better of me and I bravely sought to be friends with his mom on Facebook. She and I re-connected, and she shocked me by announcing that my love was getting divorced and living with her. Feeling that it was safe to make contact with him, I did so on Facebook. To my utter shock, he was anxious to re-connect with me. We chatted on-line and by phone before re-uniting in person last November. Our visits escalated into a strong emotional bond that I thought had died when we separated all those years ago. We re-connected so amicably that just a month after meeting again, he asked for my hand in marriage.

I was elated and anxiously accepted. But my dream soon turned into a nightmare. His marriage was yet to be dissolved legally when the vicious effect of it on him surfaced. He had become an alcoholic some years back when the marriage had gone sour. He did not want to abandon his children so remained under the same roof with them and his wife, turning to the bottle to deal with stress. My family as well as his were finally able to coerce him to seek medical help. He did receive a dim prognosis back in April, but then bounced back quickly.

We were planning our wedding and other ventures together in August when the unthinkable happened. His condition weakened him so much that we had to seek medical help immediately. He was hospitalized, and just three days later, on August 12, he passed away. I and many members of his immediate family were present as he took his last breath. Though my faith tells me he's in a much more comfortable, painless state, I do not anticipate living "happily ever after" as my dream which was about to be fulfilled is now an empty page in my book of life. My love for him has/will never die. I hope to share that love by volunteering as I have many more years here on God's creation. I do have faith that our love will live on in me. I only hope I'll be able to endure the decades ahead with more smiles than tears. My love for him will never die, and I see no prospect for a spouse ever in my life. It's no wonder one of my idols is Amelia Earhart. I like "flying solo".

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Sep 08, 2012
My Only true love who lived a false life
by: Doreen U.K.

Terri I am sorry for your loss of your long term friend who died. I am sorry also that you found out that he lived a false life. Why do men make such mistakes? Was it the booze that altered him? Who knows what is in the mind of men who are so blinkered by love that they don't do the right thing. Terri you will have to process what your relationship was like before you split up 20yrs. ago? Also why you did not marry? Why he would be so unhappy that he lied to you about being divorced? You will have to tease out those finer qualities and because you know him well, you will know whether he was a man of Integrity or not? He did not abandon his wife and children. This is a good quality to possess. Because he deceived you, this will HURT FOREVER. There is no excuse. He could have waited till his marriage was disolved before making such concrete plans. Because you loved him so much and say you will always love him shows unconditional love. An admirable quality. Get some counselling so that you can tease out all those unresolved problems you are left holding. It just may hold you back from moving forward into a happier life. Don't cancel out never loving again. Leave the door open for a relationship or even friendship to make your life complete and happier. We only live a short while on this earth. The years pass by so quickly. If you have the chance for even comanionship it is worth being happy again. You were robbed of having a happy new life. don't let the love of your life steal your future. Leave all the old memories and distrust where they belong. IN THE PAST. Tomorrow is a NEW DAY. Look to the future. Make your own future as happy as you want it to be. Best wishes

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