Growing up, I lived with my mother and my grandparents. My father was not in my life. He passed away in June 2009. He was not a part of my life, however, I still had a great life.

My mother was an amazing parent and always made sure that I had everything I needed. And when she couldnt, my Nana and Pa were always there when we needed them. I never went without anything.
As a young child, my mother was working a full time job as well as going to college. I stayed home with my Nana and Pa alot. Of course I loved my Nana alot, but my Pa, was my bestfriend.
Pa and I did everything together! We were inseperable. I'm not sure if it was because I didn't have a father figure in my life or if its just because we just shared a bond that nobody could break. He was everything to me.
Pa drove me to school everyday and he picked me up everyday. He did this for me all the way up to highschool. We were so close. He taught me how to swim, ride my bike, play catch, etc. He was always the one I ran to when people were mean to me, or if I got hurt. He was always there with a shoulder to cry on and he always knew just what to say. He was my father.
Fastforward, to September of 2011. I am 20 years old. I have a wonderful boyfriend, who I have been with for four years. Pa was still living with me. He was getting really sick and weak. He had oxygen and a nurse come a couple times a week to check on him. He was really getting close to his end, and none of us realized it.
One night, my boyfriend and I were in the living room and Pa completely fell out of his chair and hit his head. I remember walking out and seeing him just sitting there, helpless. My boyfriend, Mike, picked him up. That was the night that I realized how sick he truely was.
A few days later, I got a phone call. Pa slipped and fell in the bathroom and broke his femur bone. Ouch. Immediatly, I can remember feeling so bad for him. I was imagining the pain. He was taken into Boston Medical Center. At that point in time my mother thought it would be a good idea if I stayed home until Pa was out of the hospital.
I remember feeling like this time was different. Like something bad was going to happen. I rememeber my mother saying "Ashley, you are going to be a very crucial and important part of his recovery!"

The doctors didnt expect him to make it through surgery but, he did. He made it. He held on. After years of fighting, he still held on. I remember I ran up to the hospital to see him with Mike.
When I got to the hospital, it was horrifying. He had a breathing tube in because he was "recovering". He didnt look like himself at all. I still stayed strong. They moved him to a new room and I got to spend a lot of time talking to him. Every once in a while when he would hear my voice, I felt him squeeze my hand. He knew damn well I was there.
The next day, I went up tp the hospital with my grandmother and my mother. It was a miracle. After not being able to breathe on his own, my Pa was conscious. I got right up to that hospital bed and held his hand. Magically, after days of being unconscious, my Pa was awake. It just so happened that my grandmother, my mother, and I were there and he was breathing on his own. He knew we were coming.

Then, My Nana and my Mom said there goodbyes. Everyone knew without saying, that this was the last time we would get to speak to him. My mother asked Pa if he knew who I was. She said, "its your favorite one". He squeezed my hand and said "yup, thats right."

My Nana and my Mom said Goodbye and left. I didnt want to believe it, but I somehow knew that this would be the last time I would see my Pa again. I told him "I LOVE YOU" repeatedly. I tryed to say goodbye. I said to him "Ok Pa, im going to go now. I LOVE YOU. SEE YOU TOMORROW". He said, " I LOVE YOU TOO, SEE YOU LATER."

I could not leave. It was like my feet were stuck. I didnt want to go. I knew. I said I LOVE YOU again, 3 more times. And he said what he said, again, 3 more times. Finally, I got enough courage, and knew what I had to do. I said, "Ok, Im really leaving now. I LOVE YOU PA. SEE YOU TOMORROW." Then, as he squeezed mY hand he said, "I LOVE YOU TOO. SEE YOU LATER."
It was that hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. Having so much to say, and having to walk away.
The next day we got a call from the hospital. He stopped breathing on his own. He was only breathing on his own for about 2 hours the day before, when we were their with him. He started breathing on his own for his three favorite girls. My grandmother, my mother, and myself. A true Miracle. He woke up for us.
He passed away the next day. He couldnt breathe on his own, he had pneumonia, and a blood clot in his lung, etc. I miss him so much. I know hes with me though. I LOVE YOU PA AND I CANT WAIT FOR THE DAY I GET TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
Pa was the best. He was my best friend. He was my everything.

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