My papa Lenny

by louise

When I was 6 I moved in with my gran and papa. My mum and dad were heavily involved with heroin, so my 2 sisters and I were taken into care and our grandparents took us on, my 2 sisters with my fathers mother (my nana) and me with my gran and papa. I loved my life with my gran and papa but I always wanted to be involved with my mum and dad but that was usually crushed by them not picking me up or not being able to contact them. A few years later my mother gave birth 2 a baby boy, who they also couldnt take care of, he came to live with my gran, papa and I. After 3 more years my papa unexpectedly died during the night. The first few days, I dont think I was fully aware of what had happened but after a while his empty chair devastated me, I couldn't eat or sleep for the utter crushing pain I felt. Utter despair consumed me. I was 12 years old and I dont think the full effects hit me until a good few years later. It wasnt until recently that I couldnt stop thinking about him and all the things I would have asked him and advice and love I would have got from him, He was the most amazing man I have ever known, I will love him forever and never forget what he did for me. Miss you always papa xxxx

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Apr 14, 2013
My papa Lenny
by: Doreen U.K.

Louise I am sorry for your loss of your Papa Lenny and sorry for the loss of relationship with him. You seemed to have had a hard time in life which has left you lost and pining for your father. You got your nurturing from your grandparents so this is good. But as you say you are yearning for what you could have had if your parents were with you growing up in a normal family way. I was born in Scotland not far from Glasgow and know of the hardship and poverty we faced growing up that also put a strain on my family.
There was great economic deprivation and sadness of growing up in a deprived area which probably caused your parents the difficulties they went through. Drugs being a way of blocking out the pain of this difficult struggle with no way out. It is never easy losing a parent. There is a pain that we have forever but the pain does get less in time. 10yrs on I have only just been able to put my mother's photo up. Before this it was too painful. There is great sadness in life and we struggle to find our way in the world that is changing fast sometimes we can't keep up with the changes. Try keeping a journal and write out your feelings of sadness and even letters to your Papa Lenny. You will have this forever and also this will comfort you when you need to read this. You can also see a grief counsellor who will help you move forward. Try and be in the company of people who will encourage and support you and say NO TO DRUGS. They will just cause you sorrow and limit your life. Best wishes and I hope life turns out better for you in the future. Remember to take one day at a time with grief. It will get easier in time as healing takes place in you.

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