My Papi

by Natalie
(Los Angeles, Ca)

On July 21, 2012 my hero passed. He was a wonderful stubborn man who just brightened the room by him being there. Made everyone laugh! I have the honor of saying I was his favorite of the rest of my cousins! When he was here in LA or me in Mexico I followed him like glue! I wanted to be just like him! For over 20+ years he pretty much had all the health problems one can think of. Main one was Myasthenia Gravis which caused him to have crisis, a lot of the times when he went through major surgeries. It would cause him to not be able to eat, walk, use the restroom or do anything on his own. To recover from a crisis it would take him several months in the hospital or nursing homes to recover. But he was strong, god had other plans for him. he eventually developed arthritis in his hands which was very painful for him. In April 2012 he was visiting Mexico where he got an upset stomach and vomiting for more than a week, finally went to a doctor and gave him medicine. After the symptoms went away for a little he fell more ill, doctors not knowing what was wrong did several test, and diagnosed my papi with renal failure and had to have him under hemodialysis 3 times a week. Finally got a little better and was able to travel back to LA, doctors continued test as well as the hemodialysis. In May 2012, he was diagnosed with Bladder Cancer. From May to July he was in and out of the hospital along with his hemodialysis, which helped his kidneys so much he was able to stop with Hemodialysis. However by July the cancer spread to his liver, it took less than 2 days after diagnosed with liver cancer to spread to his lungs and kidneys. He was a fighter! I had the honor of knowing my Papi the 24 years Iv been in this world, and my life as i know it has changed dramatically. He was my foundation and when he died part of my heart died along with him. All his final wishes came true, and he is now in rested in peace in Mexico.
I have never lost anyone so close to me, I don't know how to handle this, and I feel grateful I was able to say my final goodbye and be there when he passed but I somehow can not process it, even though i witnessed his last breath. I feel like he's in Mexico and will come any day now. Only that day will never come anymore and my heart can not handle that. All i have left from him was a tiny white teddy bear he gave me for my 7th birthday, which i have cherished from day one, and now more than ever!

Comments for My Papi

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Sep 20, 2012
thanks dooreen
by: Natalie

thank you for your words. and yeah i do start crying at any given time. i try to go on with my day and for some reason everything reminds me of him. i used to always playfully pull his ear and rub his belly and sing him that song "papaamericano" when he became a us citizen. i went to a club last week and it came out. i had to run to the ladies room because i couldnt hold it in. grief is hard and i feel like with time it only hurts more. i do have those days where your body and mind is so numb, that you just want to stay in bed all day. even seeing my grandma is hard for me. my whole life iv seen them both together and now its just her. i try to give her my undivided attention and to not show her my weekness. but iv developed this with everyone. i think i should see a grief councelor. it may help....once again thank you so much!

Sep 11, 2012
My Papi
by: Doreen U.K.

Natalie I am sorry for your loss of your Papi. If this is your first loss then it will be more painfull since you don't know what grief is like. Your grief will also hurt more because of the close relationship and bond you had with your Papi. People even within our family touch our lives in such a special way and leave their footprint on our hearts forever. GRIEF HURTS SO MUCH. We grieve in stages and don't be surprised if you start crying in public places or anywhere inconvenient. Grief happens automatically and we have to let the tears flow. Grief can go on for months and even years but the pain gets less and less till all we are left with the scars and the good memories. Life will hurt for some time. My grief experience feels as if I have been knocked down by a bus and I can't get up because my whole body hurts. I hope that in the days ahead if you don't handle your grief well, then find a grief counsellor to support you throughout the process till it gets easier for you and you can move forward. Life does change forever for us when we lose someone we love.

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