My Parents

by Jill
(Saginaw, MI)

This is a complicated story because my mom died of cancer in 1996, but my dad got rid of me after that. We knew my mom was dying and my dad, who dealt with his problems by using alcohol, had a girlfriend before she even died, according to my relatives. The day she died he had me come over and start getting my stuff and hers out of his house. It was like he couldn't wait to replace us.

I met his new girlfriend (I didn't know he met her before my mom passed at that point) and tolerated her, and even tried to be nice. My dad would start telling me how her kids would talk bad about me. He and his girlfriend took me out for my birthday and they barely spoke to me.

Then one day I called my dad and he asked me not to call him again. His girlfriend had just got there and he sounded nervous. I thought he meant just because she came over. I called him the next day and he said, "I thought I told you not to call here", and I understood that he meant never again. He moved after that and I found his address in the phone book.

I haven't seen him in about 13 years. I have lots of trouble making friends and I tend to get into relationships with men who are alcoholics that pay no attention to me. I am currently trying to get through the rest of my grief. I would like to start dating again after the breakup of an abusive relationship that I was in. I have dated since, but for very briefly, and it turned out badly.

I am desperately trying to feel better about myself and feel like I deserve a good life, but that is hard to do when a parent who seemingly loved you for 24 years suddenly stops.