My Parents

by Jill
(Saginaw, MI)

This is a complicated story because my mom died of cancer in 1996, but my dad got rid of me after that. We knew my mom was dying and my dad, who dealt with his problems by using alcohol, had a girlfriend before she even died, according to my relatives. The day she died he had me come over and start getting my stuff and hers out of his house. It was like he couldn't wait to replace us.

I met his new girlfriend (I didn't know he met her before my mom passed at that point) and tolerated her, and even tried to be nice. My dad would start telling me how her kids would talk bad about me. He and his girlfriend took me out for my birthday and they barely spoke to me.

Then one day I called my dad and he asked me not to call him again. His girlfriend had just got there and he sounded nervous. I thought he meant just because she came over. I called him the next day and he said, "I thought I told you not to call here", and I understood that he meant never again. He moved after that and I found his address in the phone book.

I haven't seen him in about 13 years. I have lots of trouble making friends and I tend to get into relationships with men who are alcoholics that pay no attention to me. I am currently trying to get through the rest of my grief. I would like to start dating again after the breakup of an abusive relationship that I was in. I have dated since, but for very briefly, and it turned out badly.

I am desperately trying to feel better about myself and feel like I deserve a good life, but that is hard to do when a parent who seemingly loved you for 24 years suddenly stops.

Comments for My Parents

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Mar 14, 2010
My Parents
by: Anonymous

Wow. Jill I so empathize with you. My father was an alcoholic. He was very abusive to my family when we were young. What helped me immensely was going through family therapy for alcoholism. I attended al-anon for many years and other 12 steps. It saved my life.

Actually, my father was never a father. My mother never was a mother either because she was so focused on my father and working full time at menial jobs that she was always sick, and she never had time for us.

After my mother died 10 years ago he got another girl friend right away, he never went to our family functions ,only hers...once he started getting sick with Alzheimers and Parkinsons she wanted nothing to do with him.

I had healed my life through therapy and 12 steps that I took care of him in my home for the last 3 years until he died. I prevented him from going to a nursing home.

I so feel your sense of abandonment, but there is help out there, all you need to do is reach out for it. Thank you for your story as I am grieving my parents also... and they left much to be desired in the way of parents. Hang in there girl you can make a healthy family for yourself, it just may not be biological...thanks again for your story.

Mar 14, 2010
Be Strong
by: Down Under

Jill, my condolences on the loss of your mother. Your father will eventually see what he has done to you as being wrong. You need to pick yourself up and be strong, show him that you don't need a person like that in your life. Counseling may help and worth a try. Don't destroy your life for someone who has no worth of their own. Good Luck Jill.

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