my partner deserted me, feel unable to start over

by Gerra Smith
(united kingdom)

I'm 50, my partner was 61,he left without a word weeks ago. He sent a cryptic message saying he could not talk until he gets back in 3 weeks. His behaviour had changed,one day I caught him emailing a female in a sexual way. We didn't live together,
and had an open relationship, but he told me I was the main partner and he had other sexual partners.
I feel that I cannot face him again after him deserting me like that and I lie alone every night torturing myself as to who he is making love to, feel I will go mad.He has a voracious sex drive, needs sex several times a day so I know he's having it ..please help


Comments for my partner deserted me, feel unable to start over

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Sep 02, 2012
Stay in life and it will return
by: Anonymous

I talk to many over the internet who have gone through breakups and add my own personal experience when I counsel them to get with friends and go out, talking, shopping etc. When you need to cry cry. Don't try to hurry the healing, let it run it's natural course but do not stay alone and away from life. The process to making your way back can be a long or a short one but it must be a natural one. Peace and happiness always returns and many times when you least expect it.

Aug 15, 2012
by: Judith in California

Just recently there was a show discussing the rise of sexually transmitted diseases in Seniors. Obviously they think the same way.

Once you become desparate you loose sight of what is really important for you and your well being. It's best not to make decisions about anyone or anything that is going to affect you long term solely out of desparation. IT comes to no good end.

I have a friend who is so desparate to meet a man she looses sight of her own well being.

Men can smell "desperate women" a mile away and will take advantage of her. It shows in their actions by being so willing to please a man right off.

Remind yourself they are just men. Nothing more. Men who will tell you anything, promise you everything just to get what they want .

It's better to be alone Gerra than to be with someone who abuses you, lies to you, and plain out disrespects you. If you don't respect your self then no one else will either.

Start today giving yourself a gift of self respect and love. Look in a mirror and tell yourself "I deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and will not settle for less". Do this every day and hold yourself to a higher standard. Yes, even if you be alone.

Aug 14, 2012
by: Gerra

just to say thanks for the very thoughtful comments from the two ladies who replied to me.
The hurt will be there for a long time, and I will have to experience it. My partner will of couse, find a new partner if he has not done so already. I did not think of the health aspect at all, or whether he has used precautions with any of us. No he didn't with me, and he I think was of the opinion that once people are over 50 they can forget safe sex as there is no risk of pregnancy. I have no way of knowing his sexual history or that of his partners, but when you are blinded by attraction and despair and want some one desperately, that is the last consideration.

I shall treasure the answers. Thanks again.

Aug 13, 2012
Get Real with Yourself
by: Judith in California

Gerra, Please forgive me but why would you lower your standards for a man like that? How can you have sex with a man who is not clean? Does he use condoms with them and you?!! I'll bet not. Get your self respect back and take charge of YOUR life. You are in control now. If he returns, Don't take him back and let him determine your path for the future. Also your health!
He on the other hand would rather be with others because he has no self control and makes excuses as to how he lives blaming it on a huge sex drive. BS!
Don't settle for less.

Aug 13, 2012
my partner deserted me, feel unable to start over.
by: Doreen U.K.

Anna, it seems you knew you were the main partner and that your partner was being unfaithfull but you accepted these terms. You shouldn't be surprised then that you are one of many sexual conquests for your partner. Because you are the main one as he says does not make it right or make you feel secure and loved. MORE LIKE BEING USED FOR HIS OWN SATISFACTION.
What do you get out of this relationship? Are there any benefits to being one of many? If you are lying awake at night wondering who he is sleeping with. You are torturing yourself. For What? A relationship that is going nowhere. You will one day wake up and have no self-esteem because your partner has stollen it. You will have surrendered this to him knowing what he was up to.
Find yourself a Grief Counsellor who will help you make a clean break from a relationship that is going nowhere. How many years could you end up being used and then find yourself all alone years down the line, because your partner has moved on to someone new and found another MAIN PARTNER.
find a copy of the singer QUEENS SONG "I WANT TO BREAK FREE" Then DO IT. YOU CAN. You just need to give yourself permission to do so. Change your phone number. Ignore his calls. Blank him out. You can move on. counselling will help you to move forward. To give you respect so that this will never happen again. So you will be better able to not repeat the pattern. to know yourself so that you will attract the right person. Good Luck. Best wishes.

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