My Partner, My friend, My one true Love
by Connie Cochran
It's been a little over a year since I lost Mike. It was February 12, 2010. He had been sick for two weeks during back to back blizzards. We thought it was the flu. He was finally feeling well enough to go back to work. We had a wonderful day together. We shoveled more snow, went to the store, ate dinner and laughed together. We went to bed at 9:30 as usual and little did i know that at 1:30 a.m. I would wake up to a noise that I had heard a few years earlier when my father was dying. I turned the light on and witnessed what no one should ever have to see. I called 911 and woke up my sons to help. The ambulance came but I knew it was too late, but my heart kept saying this wasn't happening. The ambulance drove slowly to the hospital that is very close to our home. Although my son was annoyed at their speed I told him it was due to the icy roads knowing all too well what the lack of sirens meant. My pregnant daughter came to the hospital and I had to tell her that her Dad was gone and watch her drop to the floor.
I was 18 when I met Mike. He was a blind date and love at first sight. He lived in NC and was visiting his friend in Maryland. We had just the one date and he went home to N.C., told his parents he was getting married, packed his bags and moved to Maryland. We were married a year later. We had three wonderful children and three beautiful grandchildren that he simply adored. He passed at the young age of 52, just a few weeks shy of our 32nd wedding anniversary.
This last year has just gone on around me and I don't know where it has gone. I am doing the best to raise our 15 year old son but it's been so difficult. It's hard to function. No one knew me better than Mike. We were one. We did everything together. I miss him more than I can describe. I tried antidepressants but they just made me numb. I need to cry sometimes and the medicine wouldn't let me. I felt like I was going to explode so I stopped taking it.
Tonight I had a major melt down. I miss him and I can't imagine my life without him. This is not how it is supposed to be. I need him. I'm not ready to be mom, dad, decision maker and everything else that comes with being a single parent. I'm so lonely for him. This is so unfair. I had to watch my grandchildren waiting for their grampy to come home and then watch their confusion when we said he wasn't coming back. My heart is forever broken........