My partner of 32 years
(Brick, New Jersey)
On June 6, 2011 I lost my partner of 32 years. She was with me thru the good and bad things in my life and always stood by me. When we came together 32 years ago we could not be public about it since we were both female. My 2 young boys loved her as much as me and she loved them as her own. We went thru many hard times and a few times it drove us apart for short times but we always found our way back to each other. She was only 56 years old and had several medical issues over the past year and only this year had heart problems. One month before her sudden death the cardiac MD said her condition was stable. Then on June 6 after leaving her for a hour at home I came home to find her in cardiac arrest. All I can say about it being at home was her dogs were with her and they got to say good bye. The were strangely calm when I came in and I think they knew she was at peace. As for me I am not a peace , there are days I scream at her why did you leave when I was not here ! Why did you hide those cigarettes ! I always ask myself if she lied there suffering or did she die right away. How do I come to peace with this ? She had lost her Mom and Dad years ago and had a brother she had made me promise never to call if something happened (so I have not) Should I call him ? This is eating away at me and don't know what to do. I had contact with her Aunt but had to stop answering the phone because she did not want me to with her last wishes..no funeral.