My Pawpaw

by Anonymous.

My grandpa died a little over 2 1/2 years ago and I still grieve. He died on 01/09/10. I'll end up crying all the time just thinking about the fact that he's not here anymore. I can't help but feel guilty because I feel like I never got to tell him how much he meant to me and how much I appreciated him for everything he has done for me and my family. I was only 14 at the time and it was my first funeral, and I left near the middle of it because I just got too upset, and this makes me feel even guiltier. I always hear the expression that it will all get better in time, but it's just not happening for me. I can't help but feel guilty and cry my eyes out for about an hour almost everyday. My parents don't even know I'm doing this everyday, I just don't feel comfort talking to them about it. Writing this online is taking the place of that, though so it's making me feel a bit better. The only thing that will sometimes bring me some sort of comfort is knowing that he will be greeting me in Heaven when it is my time, and I know he is looking down on me right now. It is especially hard because it is my first real loss of a family member that meant so much to me. RIP Pawpaw, God only takes the best angels, and I'm lucky to have you as my guardian angel. I love you so, so, so much and can't wait to see you again one day. <3

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Aug 30, 2012
My Pawpaw
by: Doreen U.K.

Dear Brokenhearted. I am sorry for your loss of your grandpa. You were only 14yrs. You say it was your first funeral. It doesn't matter how many funerals one goes to. Or how many family members we bury. Grief is the same feeling. Pain, crying, deep sorrow, broken heart, fear, and a lot of GUILT. Yes I said GUILT because everyone goes through this. It is part of life that we don't always get the chance to say the things we wish we had said. And if you say it too often it becomes routine and loses its meaning. When you say things occassionaly It means a lot. Even if you only say it once. I think being present in a persons life. Being supportive speaks volumes of LOVE. Many of us who are older feel the same way. We don't get to say good-bye to the one we have lost. We feel guilty also over not visiting enough. Not loving enough. Remember the one's we have lost would feel the same way if it was us who died. They would say the same things. They would feel the same way as us. Because this is how it happens in life. Perhaps if you can't talk to your mum and dad about how you are feeling and how often you are crying you should go and see a bereavement counsellor. this person will be impartial but is trained to help people who are bereaved. You will start to feel better. if you don't do this you may go on for many years to be unhappy and it would affect your life and perhaps working life. It could also affect all your future relationships. Better to do this now. IT WORKS. I have done this and I feel much much better. Often in life we don't say Thank You enough. But if one says it too often it loses its meaning. I bet you must have said THANK YOU GRANDPA at least once in your life. This will be enough for your grandpa to know that you LOVED HIM. We will all go on in life to lose many more people. But we will learn to Heal from this Pain. Now is the time we get to honour and respect those people left in our lives. To let them know they mean a lot to us. Forming this habit we will live with less REGRETS. Regrets we all have and live with. It is part of life. I hope you go on to be happier than you have been for a while and that you will be able to move forward in life. Best wishes.

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