My Precious Angel

My son is now 23 years old. Bill was always extremely close to us: his mom, dad, and brothers. A strange and controlling relationship began one year ago. My son just turned 22 and she was 23. After three months and without our knowledge, they got married. Bill's family felt extremely betrayed. Jane had been isolating Bill from the family; finding one excuse after another not to see us. She even responded to his emails as if they were written by him. The letters were mean,selfish, and callous; even embarrassing information about their sex life was written by her.

Since she isolated him from the family; he couldn't call us, email us, or come over to our family home. She tracks him on his cellphone with a gps, so she knows where he is every second. She seems to relish in keeping him at home, possibly doing and selling drugs on line.

Her goal is to keep him contained so he won't meet any outside influences or friends. I equate him with a caged gerbil, which is allowed out when she is home; stroked, loved, and fed, but unable to communicate with anyone other than her.

Consequently, we feel we're going through the 7 stages of grief. You might not think it is the same, but it is very similar. We are hurting in ways that mimic death. When their relationship began, we could tell she had social and mental issues. We were shocked that Bill chose this woman and we denied that it would last. We felt pain and guilt. What did we do to cause Bill to gravitate to this kind of woman?

This soon led to anger, yelling, and bargaining. Depression and loneliness followed; we missed him terribly. We reflected on the past; laughed at the good times and cried at the sad ones. We cried when we couldn't see him and cried when he didn't understand our pain.

We feel calmer now; our minds are working a bit clearer and we're trying to adapt to the fact that we can't see him. Everyday, we hope that we will learn to deal with the reality of the situation.

Bill is not dead, but in many ways, he is to us. He doesn't laugh the same, hug us the same, or talk to us like he even cares. Sometimes, I feel he can't remember his past and all the fun we had. We had such a close family; going on family ski vacations and weekends up at the lake water skiing was always a blast. Family meals, talks on the patio, playing pool and frisbee golf. He loved us. I'd call him my precious angel because whenever I needed him for support or a laugh, he was there for me. Now, he's gone.

There is a huge void in our lives as if he is dead. He may still be around in body, but not in soul. Where has he gone? Where is the warmth and love for his family? Who is he? The Billy we knew and loved is gone. Where is our precious angel?

Comments for My Precious Angel

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Apr 10, 2012
Missing my boy & Grandies
by: Anonymous

We too have 'lost' our son.. He met a girl a couple of years ago. She was divorced with 2 little girls. They had been dating awhile but because we live so far from them we didn't know for awhile. He rang & told us and he sounded happy. An instant family for him was perfect as he is a wonderful dad. We went to see them and fell in love with our 'Granddaughters' instantly. We hadn't any other Grandies so we were feeling our way. But after the first Christmas we knew things were not right 'gut feeling' so I started keeping a journal for the girls. She said everything was ok & that she would never keep the girls from us regardless. But she kept them from their real Grandparents of her ex. Well she got pregnant and our son was happy but kept saying it will be no different feelings for the new child.. mmm.. They kept us informed all the way through the pregnancy even sending me the babies heartbeat to my phone so I could use it as a ring tone. We drove 18 hours to get there for the birth, when we arrived we were told we couldn't stay at their house, but being late we had to. Strike 1.. At the hospital we were in the hall when bub was born & our son & doctors rushed from the labour ward with bub blue. Our son called us down, we ran as we thought he was dead. We got there & he said she had not seen him so don't tell her you have. Strike 2..All good, was let into see Her & the baby. Everyone happy. Stayed a day or 2 at their house (they asked us) > A few week later I flew to America for a month. No idea what happened, can't visit can't see the kids can't send gifts. Finally got to talk to my son 17 months later & he said he cant forgive me for 'seeing the baby' before his partner & staying at their house & I was also accused of treating him different to the girls..We saw him 2x and also of trying to get custody of our Grandson..I don't want a baby, just want to see him & the girls.. We get no photos nothing. We were the closest family before. I have identified that I am grieving & and am taking one step at a time.. Nearly losing my husband & 2 other children woke me up big time. I still keep the journal for the 3 Grandies so that one day they will know our side..

Mar 14, 2012
Missing adult child
by: Anonymous

So sorry your son "went missing" emotionally. Your loss needs grieving, and you need not feel guilty about asking for emotional support. I share your pain in a similar event: my son had an arguement my husband and in two days disappeared from our lives--just drove off without a word. No contact whatsoever. We learned where he was in a tiny isolated town 2000 miles away. Sent him General Delivery cards to show we cared. Finally I went there alone, hoping to talk things out, but he turned me away through his girlfriend--wouldn't even have a cup of coffee with me, she said. I thought I would die. Two years later I found online he married her and has a baby girl, my only grandchild. I grieve for both of them, and closure for me feels impossible. I lost my creative spirit. I hope reading about you, and others who share my specific pain, will help me find happiness again. We both have a right to it. Specials hugs and healing wishes to you. Carolyn

Sep 21, 2010
Lost to me but still alive
by: carol

I too lost my son and grandson to a woman that was so possessive of him that we do not get to see him or have a relationship with him. He is not dead but it seems as if he is because we do not see him. We were so close before he met her. It is difficult to understand "why" this has happened. So I am in grief over this loss, it is gut wrenching pain. I love my son and grandson and hate being treated like this by my son. No one should have to go thru this. It does help to know other people experience the same situation.

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