My Precious Angel

My son is now 23 years old. Bill was always extremely close to us: his mom, dad, and brothers. A strange and controlling relationship began one year ago. My son just turned 22 and she was 23. After three months and without our knowledge, they got married. Bill's family felt extremely betrayed. Jane had been isolating Bill from the family; finding one excuse after another not to see us. She even responded to his emails as if they were written by him. The letters were mean,selfish, and callous; even embarrassing information about their sex life was written by her.

Since she isolated him from the family; he couldn't call us, email us, or come over to our family home. She tracks him on his cellphone with a gps, so she knows where he is every second. She seems to relish in keeping him at home, possibly doing and selling drugs on line.

Her goal is to keep him contained so he won't meet any outside influences or friends. I equate him with a caged gerbil, which is allowed out when she is home; stroked, loved, and fed, but unable to communicate with anyone other than her.

Consequently, we feel we're going through the 7 stages of grief. You might not think it is the same, but it is very similar. We are hurting in ways that mimic death. When their relationship began, we could tell she had social and mental issues. We were shocked that Bill chose this woman and we denied that it would last. We felt pain and guilt. What did we do to cause Bill to gravitate to this kind of woman?

This soon led to anger, yelling, and bargaining. Depression and loneliness followed; we missed him terribly. We reflected on the past; laughed at the good times and cried at the sad ones. We cried when we couldn't see him and cried when he didn't understand our pain.

We feel calmer now; our minds are working a bit clearer and we're trying to adapt to the fact that we can't see him. Everyday, we hope that we will learn to deal with the reality of the situation.

Bill is not dead, but in many ways, he is to us. He doesn't laugh the same, hug us the same, or talk to us like he even cares. Sometimes, I feel he can't remember his past and all the fun we had. We had such a close family; going on family ski vacations and weekends up at the lake water skiing was always a blast. Family meals, talks on the patio, playing pool and frisbee golf. He loved us. I'd call him my precious angel because whenever I needed him for support or a laugh, he was there for me. Now, he's gone.

There is a huge void in our lives as if he is dead. He may still be around in body, but not in soul. Where has he gone? Where is the warmth and love for his family? Who is he? The Billy we knew and loved is gone. Where is our precious angel?