My Precious Baby Boy Joshua

by Shirley
(Florida)

Joshua Lee 2011

Joshua Lee 2011

I lost my baby boy on June 26, 2011. He was my baby of 3 handsome boys. He was 19. Nobody understands the void that grows in my heart everyday. I believe it's different for mothers when a child is lost. The bond of mother and child begins in the womb. I already knew him and loved him before he was born. Some days I feel like dying it hurts so badly and I hurt more and more each day. I don't know how to deal with this pain. I cry all the time. I miss you so much my baby boy and love you more than there are breaths in my body. Joshua lost control of his car, flipped several times and was partially ejected and the car was totally smashed on his side but the passenger side where is girlfriend was not. He sustained severe head trauma and passed from that. I watched him grow into a loving man. My heart breaks more and more each day. I'm not sure most people understand a mother's grief. I was a good mom and enjoyed a good and loving relationship with Joshua with our ups and downs but mostly ups, no parent-child relationship is perfect. I love and miss him so much. I feel lost and hopeless now. It's been a very hard few months. Life looks and feels grim although I go through the motions of living each day, it is a real struggle. Some of my family doesn't understand and it seems all they want to do is argue and tell rumors about his girlfriend and her family. It is not her fault that he is gone but they want to blame her. She was severely hurt in the wreck also. she also died in the ambulance and they brought her back. She had collapsed lung, 5 broken ribs, broken clavicle and specula (spelling). Now she is going through her own emotional roller coaster because they were together for almost 3 years. I just don't know how much more I can take of all the negativity from everyone. I am trying to be strong for my other two sons and myself and that is a chore in its self. My boys and I are so hurt and lost and are grieving so much. My son had cystic fibrosis and hated his disease and was ready for God to take him home. He talked about that so much for several months before he passed. He hated what it did to him and how it always made him feel. I know God took him home so he would not suffer anymore but Im hurting so much without him here. I just can't write anymore about this tragedy. The pain is too intense.

Comments for My Precious Baby Boy Joshua

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Nov 29, 2011
My Baby Boy
by: Anonymous

I too had 3 beautiful sons and lost my 1st born on the 29th July 2011 in a tragic accident on holiday in Spain. He was the perfect role model to his two brothers he was just 23yrs, handsome, intelligent, fit and healthy,polite, well mannered,caring,considerate,an amazing person.My other two sons are 22 and 21yrs,their best friend has gone! May have been the eldest but I always told everyone he was still my baby regardless of age or position in family, our lives are so empty without our precious boy and every day is a struggle that one can ever understand unless they have experienced it, I understand exactly how you feel and cannot express my grief for you! So Sorry

Sep 25, 2011
I'm so sorry
by: Anonymous

Shirley, no words can really described the deep pain and sadness we feel when we lose our children. Life is never going to be the same anymore. We just have to go through the motions one day at a time, taking baby steps and find supports from family, friends and others who understand. For me, joining The Compassionate Friends and seeing a counselor help me to get through the days since my son passed away on Nov.1, 2010 at the age of 22.

Take care,
Hali

Sep 25, 2011
Feeling your pain
by: Carrie

My son Jake 16, died on May 22nd,2011 in a bad car accident, they say he died instantly. A week later his girlfriend committed suicide. I have been grieving the loss of two children. My heart feels so empty, sometimes I feel like I have no heart. I am so numb inside! All of the firsts in the first year are going to trigger sad moments. I find some comfort in the fact that Jake was very faith filled, I know he is in God's loving arms! I pray for all of those parents who grieve! May you find some comfort and peace in the memories that you hold dear! I too have other children (2) and grandkids (2), I have to be strong for them and my husband! I feel selfish when I grieve because I am not the only parent suffering from such a tragedy. My heart goes out to you and everyone in the same situation. May you find the strength to be comforted in your loss and to carry on in the book of life. We need to write a new chapter in life. May God Bless you and keep you!

Sep 24, 2011
Unlike any other pain
by: Anonymous

I understand your pain. My first born daughter, Amanda died May 13, 2010. The only way to get through it is one step, one day at a time. Going through the motions was the only way I got through the first six or so months. There are still some days that I still just go through the motions. I don't think anyone can quite understand the depth of the pain of losing a child unless they have lost one.

Sep 24, 2011
I Lost My Baby Boy Too
by: Sara in Texas

Shirley, you are absolutely correct. A mother's loss is different than any other. I lost my only child, Jonathan this past June and the pain I feel is like no other. I am now raising and adopting his 2 girls. You are right, like you I just go through the motions of day to day life. But it feels so empty. My heart was ripped out of my body, and is filled with a hole that fills with more pain everyday. Only a mother who has lost a child can try to understand your pain. God Bless you Shirley. As a person with similarities my heart goes out to you.

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