My Precious Baby Boy Joshua
Joshua Lee 2011
I lost my baby boy on June 26, 2011. He was my baby of 3 handsome boys. He was 19. Nobody understands the void that grows in my heart everyday. I believe it's different for mothers when a child is lost. The bond of mother and child begins in the womb. I already knew him and loved him before he was born. Some days I feel like dying it hurts so badly and I hurt more and more each day. I don't know how to deal with this pain. I cry all the time. I miss you so much my baby boy and love you more than there are breaths in my body. Joshua lost control of his car, flipped several times and was partially ejected and the car was totally smashed on his side but the passenger side where is girlfriend was not. He sustained severe head trauma and passed from that. I watched him grow into a loving man. My heart breaks more and more each day. I'm not sure most people understand a mother's grief. I was a good mom and enjoyed a good and loving relationship with Joshua with our ups and downs but mostly ups, no parent-child relationship is perfect. I love and miss him so much. I feel lost and hopeless now. It's been a very hard few months. Life looks and feels grim although I go through the motions of living each day, it is a real struggle. Some of my family doesn't understand and it seems all they want to do is argue and tell rumors about his girlfriend and her family. It is not her fault that he is gone but they want to blame her. She was severely hurt in the wreck also. she also died in the ambulance and they brought her back. She had collapsed lung, 5 broken ribs, broken clavicle and specula (spelling). Now she is going through her own emotional roller coaster because they were together for almost 3 years. I just don't know how much more I can take of all the negativity from everyone. I am trying to be strong for my other two sons and myself and that is a chore in its self. My boys and I are so hurt and lost and are grieving so much. My son had cystic fibrosis and hated his disease and was ready for God to take him home. He talked about that so much for several months before he passed. He hated what it did to him and how it always made him feel. I know God took him home so he would not suffer anymore but Im hurting so much without him here. I just can't write anymore about this tragedy. The pain is too intense.