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My Precious Daughter Crystal age 25

by Diane
(PA)

As I begin to write, the tears are flowing.. next month march 13th, it will be a year that I lost my daughter. She died while awaiting heart/double lung transplant. She was in the hospital 3 months prior while waiting and I stayed with her day and night..

Prior to that 3 months she was doing very well, she had her own apartment, had a boyfriend, and many friends who she inspired.. She was ALWAYS smiling, always happy about her life.. never looked at her life as being difficult. Why does God take someone who really loves their life???? I just don't get it.. I really don't know what to say except Crystal, I love you so much and wish so much you could be here..

The thing I really struggle with is how everyone says she is in a better place.. I was brought up to believe in heaven and I do believe in heaven, but how do we REALLY REALLY KNOW.. if I knew for certain she was happier, then I could rest a little better. I am ashamed that I feel this way because I do believe in God, but I just wish I KNEW for certain. it's called lack of faith I guess.

I think about my daughter EVERY DAY.. the silly things she did, how amazingly strong she was to have to go through what she went through and not really complain too much about it..

Thanks for letting me write this.

Comments for
My Precious Daughter Crystal age 25

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Jun 26, 2008
 "broken -hearted"
by: Anonymous

Hello Diane:

My heart goes out to you as I lost my 17 year old beautiful boy, Christian, this past December in a car accident that took his and the lives of his two friends.

Seven months later I still feel like I am completely lost and stuck. I am broken-hearted as I am sure you are as well. Your daughter Crystal is beautiful.

I wrestle with the same question you have; I feel, if I only knew that he was in Heaven now and not awaiting a resurrection I would feel better. It is absolutely the not knowing where my child is with 100% certainty that is killing me. Like you, I believe in God and Heaven and have no doubt that my son should be with God. My only wonder is "is he there now"?

I am so sorry for your loss and your comment just caught my eye as I sit here feeling the same way. May God give us both strength and have mercy on us.

Praying for you to receive peace-
---Julie
Mar 01, 2008
 Be Gentle With Yourself
by: Jennie

Diane,

I am so very sorry for your loss. I can understand your frustration every time someone tells you that Crystal is "in a better place". I believe people just say that to try to make you feel better. Try not to be bitter, and just understand that they mean well.

Don't beat yourself up over your doubts about your religious beliefs or the will of God, either, Diane. It is a very common thing. You have been handed more than your share of grief and heartache. It is normal to question why and to have doubts about your faith.

I think God will forgive you for this! May you find comfort in knowing that all of the feelings you describe are perfectly normal in a healthy bereavement.

Brighter days will come to you in time.
Best wishes,
Jennie

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