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My Precious Daughter Crystal age 25

by Diane
(PA)

As I begin to write, the tears are flowing.. next month march 13th, it will be a year that I lost my daughter. She died while awaiting heart/double lung transplant. She was in the hospital 3 months prior while waiting and I stayed with her day and night..

Prior to that 3 months she was doing very well, she had her own apartment, had a boyfriend, and many friends who she inspired.. She was ALWAYS smiling, always happy about her life.. never looked at her life as being difficult. Why does God take someone who really loves their life???? I just don't get it.. I really don't know what to say except Crystal, I love you so much and wish so much you could be here..

The thing I really struggle with is how everyone says she is in a better place.. I was brought up to believe in heaven and I do believe in heaven, but how do we REALLY REALLY KNOW.. if I knew for certain she was happier, then I could rest a little better. I am ashamed that I feel this way because I do believe in God, but I just wish I KNEW for certain. it's called lack of faith I guess.

I think about my daughter EVERY DAY.. the silly things she did, how amazingly strong she was to have to go through what she went through and not really complain too much about it..

Thanks for letting me write this.

Comments for
My Precious Daughter Crystal age 25

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Jenny
by: Marsha

My sweet daughter died 18 years ago at age 21. It feels like yesterday. I still see her laughing and loving. I believe God has taken her to him and fixed her broken body. I believe He took her so she wouldn't suffer anymore. I believe all the children are there waiting for us. It would not be heaven without them.
IF ONLY I KNEW
by:

It has not even been 3 months since I lost my only child, my son of 24 years. I find myself getting angry when others say he is in a better place. I want to tell them, "How do you know. Prove it." If only I knew he was fine. If only I knew he was not scared. If only I knew how much I love him and miss him.

I was raised a christian but have not believed for quite some time for various reasons. But this sudden illness and death of my son only made me believe less. I can not believe in someone or something who is so cruel. He was a good boy with so much more to offer this world and so much more life to live. May be I am just acting on my grief and emotions but IF ONLY I KNEW HE WAS FINE!
Sharing your doubts
by: Bev

Diane, Our stories are very similar. We lost our beautiful daughter, Stacey, age 31, on March 16th. She had brown hair and a beautiful smile just like your Crystal. She was awaiting an emergency liver transplant. She had only been sick a week. We had been very hopeful for a transplant. In fact, the medical staff was very confident she would get a liver, probably within 48hrs.

My greatest pain, is the doubt as to where she is. If she is OK, happy and at peace. I did not know for certain her relationship with Jesus. She was raised Christian, but had not been practicing her religion. I can't imagine her being denied admittance to heaven after all she had been through. If St. Peter tried to keep her out, he would have one very angry grandma to deal with. I also wouldn't want to go to heaven, myself, if my Stacey were not there.

You are not alone in your struggles, grief and doubts. Thank you for sharing your story. You and your family have my most deep felt sympathy for the loss of your beautiful Crystal. I guess we can't always have all the answers. We just have to continue on in faith, hoping to be reunited with our loved ones, regardless of our many different beliefs. My prayer for you is one of peace of the spirit and mind.
Keep the faith
by: Tina

I "feel" your "question". I am going through that now with my father's death. I honestly do believe in God and Heaven and never in my life did I ever think I would question it. You just have to trust that your faith is real. The old saying "the good die young" tells me exactly where my father and your daughter is without a question. My father is up fixing the Pearly Gates and your daughter is making everyone smile while he is doing it.
From a Daughter to a Mother
by: Anonymous

I think your lovely daughter is in heaven. I am around the same age as she would be now.

My mother died very suddenly, when she was a healthy and happy woman. She saved the lives of 4 other people through organ donation.

I'm very sorry for you that your daughter didn't get her transplant, but I have every faith, that along with my mother, she is in a better place. That is unfortunately a bit of an enigma to us mere mortals, but that is the nature of faith. Its substance isn't proven to us but we take comfort from it and will realise it eventually, in our own time.

Take care and know that you are in another very heartbroken, but hopeful, person's thoughts.
"broken -hearted"
by: Anonymous

Hello Diane:

My heart goes out to you as I lost my 17 year old beautiful boy, Christian, this past December in a car accident that took his and the lives of his two friends.

Seven months later I still feel like I am completely lost and stuck. I am broken-hearted as I am sure you are as well. Your daughter Crystal is beautiful.

I wrestle with the same question you have; I feel, if I only knew that he was in Heaven now and not awaiting a resurrection I would feel better. It is absolutely the not knowing where my child is with 100% certainty that is killing me. Like you, I believe in God and Heaven and have no doubt that my son should be with God. My only wonder is "is he there now"?

I am so sorry for your loss and your comment just caught my eye as I sit here feeling the same way. May God give us both strength and have mercy on us.

Praying for you to receive peace-
---Julie
Be Gentle With Yourself
by: Jennie

Diane,

I am so very sorry for your loss. I can understand your frustration every time someone tells you that Crystal is "in a better place". I believe people just say that to try to make you feel better. Try not to be bitter, and just understand that they mean well.

Don't beat yourself up over your doubts about your religious beliefs or the will of God, either, Diane. It is a very common thing. You have been handed more than your share of grief and heartache. It is normal to question why and to have doubts about your faith.

I think God will forgive you for this! May you find comfort in knowing that all of the feelings you describe are perfectly normal in a healthy bereavement.

Brighter days will come to you in time.
Best wishes,
Jennie

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