My Precious Firstborn Son

by Linda

On October 4, 2010, we found our son dead in his apartment which is beside our home. We knew he did not kill himself but had to wait six weeks for the cause of death. He died from a combination of prescription medicine and over the counter medicine. This caused a high level of morphine in his system and he went to sleep and never woke up.

He actually died sometime between midnight 10/02 and noon on 10/03 but we did not find him until Monday afternoon. I could not believe this was happening. I just wanted to wake up and have this nightmare be over. I asked why? Why did God take my only living child. For you see, on 6-30-80 his sister, Lisa, died of cancer at the age of 3 and 1/2. This grief process is much harder than the first because at least I had Eric who was five at the time and had to go on and do things I didn't want to do because of him. I still can't really understand why both of my children had to die.

My husband was previously married and has three children ages 46, 50 and 52. I thought, why not one of them! I do have a job as a Lead teacher in an Infant/Toddler Learning Center. As a result of Eric's death I could not work for two months. I did go back to work in December for 8 days. I have since returned to work on January 3rd and have worked about ten days.

I don't know where I am supposed to be in my stage of grief after 3 and 1/2 months but I feel like I am doing ok. I have people in charge at work who evidently do not think I am doing ok. People who have never gone through this and do not understand. They have called me and told me not to come to work until we have a meeting Tuesday the 25th and I am not on the schedule for the rest of the week. I just don't understand what else they want from me at this point. I have complied with all their wishes and turned in everything that they have requested.

They openly stated that they would work with me and help me but they don't seem to understand that they are adding to my stress level by not letting me work. I feel that 3 and 1/2 months is not a long time to have lost a child but am I right or wrong? Can someone tell me where I should be at this time in my grief?

Comments for My Precious Firstborn Son

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Feb 06, 2011
My job
by: Anonymous

Just to let you know, I did lose my job. I feel like I am being punished because I grieved for my son. I did do a lot of little things that were not what the bosses felt should be done, but nothing harmful to anyone. But these mistakes were over a period of two months. I know God is in control and he will take care of us and they could not have gotten this done without his approval, but I still cannot believe that I lost my job. They likened the death of my son to a husband losing his job and the wife was worried about him so she couldn't do her job. Well they couldn't just keep her on the payroll! How ridiculous is that! Oh, well something good will come of all of this, I just have to wait.

Jan 23, 2011
concentrating through grief...

You poor thing what a nightmare! To be grieving so deeply and to have your job threatened because you are finding it hard to function "Normally".
Is it any wonder? There should be laws to protect the grieving. There should be a paid leave of absence available for all that have lost people that they love.

It has been a year and almost 2 months and My mind has been so foggy for so long. I can do a simple job but if it involved doing more than one thing, I am lost and can not concentrate.

Very recently I worried that I might be fired due to incompetence. My Boss is a lovely wonderful understanding woman. You couldn't ask for a better human being as I traveled this long road of grief. But my messing up day after day had to be frustrating for her. I did try and am trying to fake my way through a very simple job.

My concentration is shot and I have gone so far as to try to be tested for ADD. I think that the combination of stress and being somewhat of a dingbat have made simple task seem impossible.

Like I said there should be a law protecting us.
How are we supposed to think clearly when Our LIFE has been ripped out from under our feet?
Best of luck to you and stay strong. Don't let them bully you out of the very job that helps you be distracted from grief...

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