My Precious Firstborn Son
by Linda
He actually died sometime between midnight 10/02 and noon on 10/03 but we did not find him until Monday afternoon. I could not believe this was happening. I just wanted to wake up and have this nightmare be over. I asked why? Why did God take my only living child. For you see, on 6-30-80 his sister, Lisa, died of cancer at the age of 3 and 1/2. This grief process is much harder than the first because at least I had Eric who was five at the time and had to go on and do things I didn't want to do because of him. I still can't really understand why both of my children had to die. My husband was previously married and has three children ages 46, 50 and 52. I thought, why not one of them! I do have a job as a Lead teacher in an Infant/Toddler Learning Center. As a result of Eric's death I could not work for two months. I did go back to work in December for 8 days. I have since returned to work on January 3rd and have worked about ten days. I don't know where I am supposed to be in my stage of grief after 3 and 1/2 months but I feel like I am doing ok. I have people in charge at work who evidently do not think I am doing ok. People who have never gone through this and do not understand. They have called me and told me not to come to work until we have a meeting Tuesday the 25th and I am not on the schedule for the rest of the week. I just don't understand what else they want from me at this point. I have complied with all their wishes and turned in everything that they have requested. They openly stated that they would work with me and help me but they don't seem to understand that they are adding to my stress level by not letting me work. I feel that 3 and 1/2 months is not a long time to have lost a child but am I right or wrong? Can someone tell me where I should be at this time in my grief?
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