My precious, precious love.

by Dorothy

My beloved husband died suddenly Christmas Eve last and I feel as though my heart has been ripped in two.How does any human being cope with this agony? Ten minutes before he died our lives were perfectly normal,he was shaving and Icould hear him whistling in the bathroom as I made coffee.Chest pains hit him out of the blue and within minutes he'd gone--how can your world change so suddenly from everyday normality to become an unbearable nightmare? I miss him and want him so much, and it feels as though life will never be normal again-- will it?

Comments for My precious, precious love.

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Mar 28, 2013
Thank you for posting
by: Doreen U.K.

Dear Anonymous,
Don't feel like you were being selfish for wanting your husband to be around forever. WE all do. WE don't feel selfish for wanting to marry our partner. We shouldn't feel selfish for wanting them in our life or for letting them go. Who really wants to live with lonliness? and emptiness? None of us do. Which is why we want things to stay the way they are. Engaging in conversation every day. Just the normal day to day things that enhance each others life. Companionship is what God set up. So don't live with any regrets.
People are insensitive to you by saying that you should be "glad for what you had." How do they know you aren't? They haven't a clue what it is like to lose the love of your life. They will get it when they go through it.
Don't feel sorry for taking your husband for granted. WE ALL DO. It is part of our humanity.
Just don't apologise for the way you feel or expressing this. It is not You who is wrong. It the insensitive people around you who express themselves to you which is not helpful or beneficial. You have a right to miss your husband. You have a right to want him back. You have the right to have wanted more time with your husband. I DO WISH FOR THE SAME THINGS. I don't feel guilty for feeling this way or expressing this. But I express this to God who hears. understand. And is the only person who really understands and comforts us in our sorrow and loss.

Mar 27, 2013
Thank you for posting...
by: Anonymous


I lost the love of my life to a motorcycle accident 30 December 2012. We were married for 24yrs. I was the 1st on scene right behind him and saw the dust fly and his body settle as his soul left this earth.

I have thought "How can I go on?" and that I just want to be with him. I talk to my friends and family and although I know they are trying to help, so much sounds like cliches.

Maybe I'm more, maybe I'm hoping for some magic words that would ease the pain.

I keep thinking that it should get easier. Grieving is such and individual process regardless of how many people have gone through exactly what I am going through.

I look for resources and support everywhere.

I'm so sorry we have to go through this at a time when we need so much.

What do we need? To be honest, I don't know. Right now all I want is my John. To see his eyes, to hold his hand, to hug him. I miss all those things and so much more. I feel so much sadness and I just need someone to express that sadness to. I don't want to be sad around all those that are grieving as well.

I feel selfish for missing him so much. So many have told me to be glad for what I had. I can't. I can't because I feel so robbed. I feel such regret for taking him for granted. I counted the years and days we were together and it is just so difficult to remember all the times I did see his eyes, hold his hand and hugged him. But, I did, I did have all that. I had his warm embrace, I had his love and I just try to remember that when the tears come. I know that I must go on. The days still come and the lonely nights will forever be there.

Many times a day I wonder, how will I go on? I never planned for this. Even though death is a part of life, I never expected it so soon.

But the gut wrenching sadness is lightening.

I am taking comfort in reading stories like these I've found here. I take comfort in looking back at our life together and how much of an impact he had on mine. I take comfort in all those that loved him and he loved. I take comfort in my friends and their stories of how John impacted their life. His life was good, he showed love and was truly loved. He knew I loved him.

I can't give any advice but I will say that I wish I had kept a journal because if there is no one I can talk to at least I can get my thoughts and feelings out of my head.

Jan 18, 2013
my precious,precious love
by: silver

My husband died May 29,2011.I made it through my birthday,his birthday and the holidays.I was grieving but my family was there so much.My children called me often and came over when they could.My mother had died the year before,8 months after my dad.They had been married for 64 yrs.She just sat down and did not much of anything.She died of a blood clot to her heart from sitting and not moving very much.I tell you this because my family was afraid I would do the same thing my mother did.It helped a lot. The problem was though that the next year my family thought I was fine now. In August of 2012(my 2nd birthday without him),I lost it.I cried very hard almost every day,all day for 2 weeks and caused severe bronchitis:enough to send me to the E.R. His birthday was hard and I had a lot of trouble with the holidays,esp. New Years because I always made sure I was with him or on the phone with him @ midnight and into the first few minutes of the new year. I tell you all of this because I want to let you know that I KNOW how you feel.I miss him so much that sometimes I just ache to hold him once more.The GOOD NEWS is that time is beginning to show me that he is better off and that our memories are what I need to hold onto.I still have trouble at times but they are getting easier. I still cry sometimes but not as hard or as long or as often.My darling husband used to say that "it(grief) never goes away but it does get easier." I am finding out that it's true. I read somewhere that the first year to 18 months are the hardest.I reached 18 months in Nov.The holidays made it hard for me.I am beginning to recover and actually feel like going out somewhere now.The weather has been bad but I'm going to try.I spend too much time alone(my kids are adults(43-32). I know this letter seems depressive but I wanted to let you know that there are those of us out there that know what you are feeling and are sending you a "HUG" on line.Keep going. You can make it even tho' at times it feels like you can't.It will get better. I send prayers of courage and healing your way

Jan 18, 2013
My precious, precious love
by: Doreen U.K.

Dorothy I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved husband. We all ask the same question. How could life change so drastically immediately. Your/our world turned upside down in a second. For you this is a sudden death tragedy. You would benefit from seeing a grief counsellor for a sudden death. Life becomes a nightmare. Only the nightmare is REALITY. Life will never be the same again for any of us who has lost a life partner. Grief HURTS. It not only breaks our heart but our body also. I have heart trouble and could go the same way. It is a frightening thought for me. Your husband won't have known anything. He would have died quickly. But nevertheless such a devastating experience. For the loved ones left behind life is HELL. We don't know how to go on with such grief. WE just take it one day at a time till we can find our way in life again. Don't do anything you don't want to do. You have to do what is appropriate for you. Grief has no time limit. You will benefit from us much support as you can from family and friends. This helped me when I lost my husband of 44yrs. 8 months ago to cancer. The sadness on the face of my husband broke my heart. I can imagine the LONLINESS you must feel now. Losing the man you loved. My life will never be the same again. Life will get easier for all of us in time, as the Healing process starts.

Jan 18, 2013
My precious,precious love
by: Pat J.Green Bay,WI

I am so sorry for your loss. My husband also died from a massive heart attack. He died on June 27.2011, the day after our 46th wedding anniversary.
We feel like our heart has been riped out of us and part of us died the day they died. Our life is forever changed. We do go on. People say things get better and easier. I don't like that saying. For me acceptance is the key factor. Learning to accept they are physically gone from our life. Spiritually they are always with us. Their bodied died, but their soul lives forever. They are always with us. They do give us signs. We just have to look for them; they are there.
We never truly get over the loss of a loved one. We slowly learn how to go on without them, always keeping them tucked safely in our heart.
Having a support system is very important. We feel so alone and even with lots of people around us, we still feel alone. I joined a grief support group through my church. I developed a friendship with other widows. We call each other when we are having a difficult time and talk and cry together. We now even laugh together; something I thought I would never do again. We do things together.
Going out with others maked me feel more comfortable. I only go for groceries and shopping by myself. I cannot go out to eat by myself and Red is gone 18 1/2 months.
Take things slowly; one day at a time. Be good to yourself and don't try to be super woman. Our grief can be overwhelming, but we can't let it control us. Somedays it feels like it does.
I miss my husband terribly. Only one who has gone through what we all have truly understands. No one knows what we are going through. Everyone handles their grief differently. Grieve however you want to;SCREAM, PUNCH PILLOWS, CRY,CRY,CRY. It is healing. People may tell us we look good and are doing well. We may look good on the outside but we are crying on the inside. Someone asked me if I wanted to be a survivor or a victim. I choose to be a survivor. Yes, when my husband died, I wanted to die too. My adult children made me realize they and our grandchildren need me.
We cherish our husbands memory and are grateful we had them in our lives at all.
I still want my old life back, but realize that will never be. I am trying to live for myself now, as my husband was my life for almost 50 years. He was in my life since I was 15 years old.
There isn't a time limit on our grief. Don't let anyone get away with saying we should be over it by now. You never really get over it. We just learn how to go on without them.
All of us on this site"GET IT". We all have been and are going through it. ONE DAY AT A TIME!

Jan 18, 2013
My Love
by: Anonymous

I walked with my love from 1986 to 2012. Knowing each day was a gift. He died in my arms on my birthday 2012. I thought I could handle this. But it ripped my heart and tore my soul. I still do not have a grip on his passing. You will find your way as each of us do. But you must be true to your self and allow your self to grife at your pace. Do not allow anyone to tell you how to walk throuth your grief. Blessings Cindy

Jan 17, 2013
Dorothy, my heart goes out to you
by: SansCoeur

I am so sorry for your loss Dorothy. I lost the great love of my life on the 22nd of September last year, also to a sudden heart attack. One second he was there -- the next, he was dead. It really was that fast. I know your pain and bewilderment. It was the first really awful thing to ever happen to me; I didn't know that life could be so ugly and cruel.

I can tell you that things will get better, but you are still in the very early stages and it will take time -- more than you imagine. One of the things I am learning from my grief process is PATIENCE -- a very big lesson for me. But grief will not be rushed, it takes the time that it needs to take. Next week is the 4-month anniversary of my love's death and I am only just now taking baby steps towards a "normal" life. Everything just stopped for me and for the first two months I was completely useless for anything "normal". All I did was grieve and handle the necessary stuff (funeral etc).

You ask if life will ever be normal again -- the answer is Yes. I am starting to see new shoots appear in my own life. However, we have to accept that what we thought of as normal is over and we will never have exactly that again. It will be a new normal, a new life. For myself I don't yet know what that life looks like, I am still taking one day at a time but I do know now that I will get there. (A very big change for me -- I was suicidal early on and even just a week ago I still wanted to stay "broken" for the rest of my life.)

I am trying to live each day for the both of us. Maybe this is a thought that will help you, maybe not now, but in time.

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