My Protector

by Anita

My protector husband Chris came along at a real low point in my life. We bumped into each other randomly and fate had a habit of making us keep doing so for the first few weeks, until we started dating
After many exciting adventures together abroad and at home, and with every Saturday being a lovely 'date night' we reached this weekend, when he went into hospital with a severed artery in his heart and did not survive at only 57 years of age.
The grief I feel is overwhelming and I can't go into our bedroom without crying in pain at his shoes, his ties, his glasses, everything still there.
I know it will take time, but I expect to see him coming in, the kids miss him, the dogs miss him and my world with him has ended/ I don't really know what to do

Comments for My Protector

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Feb 06, 2014
my protector
by: Anonymous--MI

Anita, I am truly sorry for the death of your husband. As you go along on this journey, know that we all feel the same emotions that you do and we understand. Take one day at a time and lean on God for His help. God Bless you.-----------TO Doreen--you are always such a comfort to others on this site and I want to say that you are really an amazing person to give so much hope to others in your words of understanding and compassion. I wish for you, Doreen, peace and joy. May we all find some happiness through each others support and the grace of God----Gwen

Feb 06, 2014
to My Protector
by: Anonymous

My heart goes out to you. Big warm hug from across the pond. I too lost my best friend, love and bronze warrior the same way. It happened without warning after three decades from the fateful day that we met we were never parted and then he is suddenly ripped out of my life. I have never known such pain, fear, lonliness. When he died before me my life ended to. This is a unique struggle, not like anything you will ever or have ever been acquainted with. Time has lost its meaning, and time is little of what this is all about. Sounds like you have support. My husband & I lived for each other. Don't let anyone add additional weight to your shoulders. Find calming time that feels right for you. Hold on for the ride. Grief will take you places, its a long hard fall. A year later I haven't reached bottom. Please come back to let us know how you are doing. Peace and solace.

Feb 06, 2014
cry and cry
by: Lawrence

You will do what we all do when the love of your life dies, that is what nature dictates cry, cry and cry, and it’s the only way to relieve the terrible ache in your heart.
There are no easy words to help you get over your crippling loss except to say the intense grief will ease as the weeks and months pass, although I don’t expect you to believe me at present, the wound is too raw.
I stood in your shoes just over a year ago when my lovely wife died in the blink of an eye after we spent a wonderful seventy years together.
I tell you truthfully I also wanted to die and lay besides her, but it didn’t happen, so here I am offering you solace and sympathy and HOPE.
I am still not over her leaving me and don’t suppose I ever will be..
It is such early days for you, it’s hard to comprehend that he has gone but like us all on this web site who have been through the trauma of losing the one person we loved more than life itself, you will emerge battered and bruised and start living again although it will be a different life.
Get help where you can to help you get through the next few months.

Feb 06, 2014
My Protector
by: Doreen UK

Anita I am sorry for your loss of your husband to a sudden death.
This is the worst experience of a woman's life to lose her husband and then have to go on in life on her own, even if she still has children, she still has her own needs.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. to cancer 21 months ago and never thought I would lose him at 65yrs. of age since his family have longevity into their 80's. It is a tough journey. But taking this one day at a time helps.
Whilst I was numb with grief I put my husband's clothes in black bags and took them to the Salvations army. His personal items are in his log cabin he built and never had time to enjoy. I had to then clear out over 30yrs. of collecting from his garage. He was a carpenter and had plans to make furniture and enjoy his retirement. He died 2yrs. before retirement. I know how you feel when seeing his clothes and personal items when you walk into a room. I would walk into the garage and see my husbands hard hat, his boots, and fleece jumper and jacket on a shelf. This is one of the most painful experiences a wife will go through dealing with her husbands possessions and having to dispose of these. I had to be tough knowing that my husband would no longer be able to use his clothes and someone else could benefit from them. He had a beautiful navy pin stripe suit that he hadn't used for over 20yrs. due to putting on weight. This is what I buried him in. He looked so good. Seeing him lie in his coffin is the memories I have most of that return. I also have the memories of his last breath and being laid out in our home. These are the memories that haunt me the most and then I can't believe he has gone. I then feel the emptiness of life now. Grief feels like a daily assault. I liked the feeling of Protection within marriage. A good solid feeling, now gone. I feel so unprotected now and I am the one feeling the burden of trying to now protect my daughter even though she is an adult. She still lives at home and a reason to now be the PROTECTOR. This makes me feel so insecure. I hope it changes with time and I feel more comfortable with life. I hope life gets better for you knowing you are not alone and can share your grief with others who understand and will support you.

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